Endlessly
by DarkBard0
Summary: Brooke and Sam need to see things for how they really are. Set when they are 26. Warning, contains explicit sex scenes including both ff and fm, do not read if easily offended by this and language
1. Default Chapter

Rating – NC-17 (18) Pairing – S/B A/N – Contains explicit sex scenes for girl on girl and girl and boy, also has some bad language. Please do not read if you are offended by that. The story is set when Brooke and Sam are 26. Some character changes, once again no Jane or Mike together-ness because I do not like them as a couple. Spoiler of 'Promblems'. Disclaimer – I do not own anything to do with Popular, just took the chance to do a bit of writing about it.  
  
Monday  
  
11:54am  
  
Sam McPherson sighed absent-mindedly as she waited for the elevator to stop at her floor. This being a rather large building, she reasoned that she'd have to wait. It bugged her, like many things were doing today. She knew that it was just her. Monday had brought her an irritable mood, pointedly snapping at the people around her. She hadn't meant to take her disposition out on her colleagues, and hopefully they wouldn't hold it against her tomorrow. Normally, Sam was regarded as an all around friendly, kind of quirky but adorable person. She was intelligent, trust-worthy, approachable and damn good at her job. The people in her office liked to work with her, unless she was in a funk like she was today. It didn't happen very often, and if it did then there was usually a good reason behind it. A reason she'd usually spill when they rallied up and tortured it out of her. But today she'd been un-willing to talk about whatever it was that was making her so cranky; so she just shrugged them off by saying something about back to work blues.  
The stunning journalist had been off for just over two weeks now. Something that rarely happened. Sam had literally been thrown out of the building; and ordered to take some vacation time. The woman was so committed to her work that she'd grown a reluctant to taking time off. She even dragged her ass in for work when she was sick, only to be sent home again but still, she put one hundred and ten percent into her career as a journalist. Despite the evidence running against her, Sam just shrugged off her colleagues that had quickly become friends, saying that it sucked that she was back to the daily routine and strives of the city and work. And that Bali, where she'd spent her vacation, had been completely eye opening. That things were so different over there, and the people had a unique way of living.  
That part was true though. Sam had found her trip eye opening. The culture over there was fascinating, and she had to admit she had been quite taken away with it. Her life was so chaotic; there were deadlines she had to meet and a busy social life to boot. The brunette found it hard to cram it all in together and often wondered how she managed to balance most things off. There was none of that in Bali. No chaos, no deadlines, no balancing things off. It was beautiful, and calming. The people were sincere, and rushed for nothing. They lived a uniquely simple and glorious way of life, one that Sam envied for many different reasons. People were happier, lived for more than their jobs or their social calendar. In some ways, she wished she could live like that. Maybe emigrate over there and settle down into their way of life. Maybe open a little business to tide her over, and live happily in the scenic land. But she couldn't. She had responsibilities a couple of people that she simply could not leave behind. Even though her way of life was grinding, she wasn't ready to leave it and be by herself. So she'd compromised slightly. She'd brought some things home to help her bring in some calming influences from Bali, and hopefully it would help.  
  
''Sam?''  
  
Sam jolted slightly as she was broken off from her thoughts about her vacation. A heavy weight had once again pooled in the very bottom of her stomach, and she'd only been back at work for four hours. Of course, the weight never really left her in the first place. But it had become stronger and stronger as the minutes passed by. And that led to her crankiness. She'd already managed to bury herself under a ton of work, trying to stop herself from thinking about the constant scenario she was placed in. Not only was Bali relaxing, but it also helped her to come to a few realisations. Especially about her love life. Despite her reluctance to think about what she was doing with it, her trip had forced her to examine it inch by inch. She almost felt like she'd faced some demons that had been locked in a closet. And she realised that her life needed to change.  
The person she wanted to take to most about this had remained out of sight for the entire morning, adding to the funk that Sam found herself in. But at the same time, she found herself unable to express her decisions. She'd only just figured out things within herself, much less spoken them to an audience. Bali had made her face up to things, but it hadn't helped her with how to say them yet. She was nervous; she had to admit that to herself. She could only really account for her own feelings and the reactions to them. She knew, that no matter how much you knew someone, there was always a certain degree of doubt about their reactions to things. And it was this tiny little piece of doubt that was scaring Sam enough to bide her time of expressing certain things.  
On the other hand, it was said that the only way to do it was to face your fears. No matter what the outcome, at least the truth would be out. There was another saving grace. When she did finally blurt out what she wanted, if the shit hit the fan so to speak, there was always Bali and lying low for the rest of her life! It was always an option at least.  
Coming back to herself, the journalist remembered that she stood before the open doors of the elevator, the two people inside looking at her expectantly. The brunette couldn't help but look a little startled as she felt her cheeks blush the lightest red. Trying to regain some composure from looking like such a moron, considering she had no idea how long she'd been standing, she cleared her throat and walked forwards into the spacious box.  
  
''Brooke.''  
  
The embarrassed journalist nodded towards one of the two people who stood in the elevator and spoke her name in greeting. It had been Brooke McQueen that had snapped her out of her reverie in the first place, and the one that had been waiting for Sam to get in. Now that she was, the tall blonde released the hold button and stepped back from the panel.  
Sam cringed silently for looking like such a fool in front of two of the company lawyers. They already thought most of the journalists here were crazy. It figured she'd support that thought standing in front of the elevator for no reason. Never the less, Sam tried to recompose herself. She smiled at the tall, well-muscled man in an expensive chocolate suit standing to her left. He seemed a little tightly wound to Sam. Most of the team of lawyers and other personnel that weren't journalists did. They were so concerned about policies, lawsuits, insurance and the rest of it. Sam begrudged that of course, the paper needed them. They were a huge company and in this day and age anything could happen. So yes, they needed the best experts they could in all given fields. But did they have to be so damn boring? Or so egotistical? Most of them thought they were god. This one wasn't too bad; she'd had the occasional run in with him but never on bad terms. But for the life of her, Sam could not remember his name.  
As the man smirked back, more out of politeness than anything else, Sam felt her objective was being accomplished. Now for the harder task; Brooke McQueen. She stood there, looking as flawless as usual. Sam wondered sometimes why the blonde had chosen a profession in law. She could have been a model, or an actress, or something attached to those professions. However Brooke had surprised everyone; she wanted to be a lawyer. All through school she'd never given it away. She'd always let on that she wanted to do something in fashion, never admitting to anyone until the senior year that she wanted to go to law school. With her grades, she'd been gladly accepted. Moreover, she was damn good at her job. She'd graduated top of her class with honours of course. Sam had been happy for her. She was glad that Brooke had transformed herself. Having been troubled in school most of the time due to self-image problems and her Mother's abandonment, Brooke hadn't had the best time. Then of course, there was that horrible night she'd been struck by a car. Not just any car, Nicole Julian's car. A girl that was supposed to be her best friend. Sam remembered that night, so clearly it was disturbing. She hadn't forgotten a single detail, nor did she expect to. She and Brooke may have been going through a boatload of trouble that same night, but it didn't mean she wanted her ploughed over with a car.  
Sam supposed that's when a lot of things had changed in both their lives. Their arguments of the past had been forgotten, seemingly meaningless in the face of one of them nearly loosing their life. Of course, it had been hard for Brooke. She'd needed a lot of support and love for that entire year it had taken her to recover. But it's when she had done most of her transforming. She'd come to her own decisions, and faced some of the demons in her own closest. Sam had been glad about that too. And she'd also been one of the strongest forms of help for Brooke that year. Everyone had been taken by surprise by that. The pair hadn't been well known for their friendship. The fact was that they had been friends, until they'd argued that week. Then, in an act of peace, they'd organised to meet up before the prom, along with George and Harrison. But yet again, they'd argued. As had the boys. And of course, it had ended up with Brooke walking out and Sam following her to try and gain some control on the situation. Then after what had happened, they'd realised that the things they thought were important had never really been important. It had been a very hard lesson, more so on Brooke, but they learnt it and glad they were glad they did.  
  
''How was you're vacation?''  
  
Yet again, Brooke startled Sam out of her thoughts. Blinking hard, Sam let her chocolate brown eyes come back to reality and she realised she'd been staring at Brooke. Once again, she'd made herself out to look like a fool who kept delving into realms unknown to anyone else. If she kept this up, Brooke and Mr. Nameless were going to think she was on some form of drugs. Although she could claim that her head was still in Bali, and she was adjusting to her usual routine. Not that there was anything routine about her life. She was a journalist, which meant that she worked on so many different things. And a good journalist could never really tell what they'd be doing in the next hour. It was one of the reasons why she loved it so much. She loved pushing the boat out and towing the line. She was sure Brooke and her lawyer buddies hated her for that, as well as a few other departments. Sam didn't really care, she was good at her job and she enjoyed it too. Her writing meant a lot to her, and it meant a lot to her that she at least was a voice of truth. The brunette knew that journalists were regarded by a very fine line. Reporters and paparazzi could be confused with her and her profession. They were completely different. Journalists, at least the ones around her and the one she strived to be, went after the real issues. They went out of their way to bring the real facts, the real stories of real people to the public. Sam felt it was important that people had that. And she wanted to give them that too. Whatever she had to do to give them that, she'd do. Stuff the lawyers and the insurance people; she had a job to do.  
  
''It was sensational. Breath taking really, I was tempted to stay.''  
  
Sam replied warmly, letting the vibe of fondness seep through into her voice. Her eyes softened a little as she thought about it once again, gaining a small smirk across her lips. It had truly touched her, and she was glad she'd been forced to take some leave. Not that she'd really admit that to her editor, but she was. She doubted she'd ever let the experience go. The whole thing had truly graced her, and she'd forever keep up with some traditions she'd picked up. Of course, she'd promised herself she'd go back there, she'd have to take Brooke with her too. She knew she'd love it there just as much as she had.  
The taller woman smiled, seeing that distant look in Sam's eyes. She was glad that she'd had a good time. Sam worked so hard that she deserved to get out of this place and see some culture. Just unwind and let things go. Brooke had missed seeing her around, and missed having to send down memos saying 'stop pissing people off' or something of the like. But Brooke's secret was that she actually enjoyed having to do that. She was amused every time Sam got in trouble. Of course, she had to cope with the fall out, but it just meant Sam was doing her job and doing it well. She'd always expected it from her. Even back in school she'd been just as ruthless in getting to the bottom of things. Brooke had never anticipated in going into company law, as she'd never anticipated having to work in part with Sam. But the offer of the newspapers law office had been one she couldn't refuse. It was good work. She enjoyed it, and she liked most of the people she worked with. Also it was nice because she got to see Sam. After everything they'd been though Brooke had worried about drifting apart. She didn't want anything like that happening to them, didn't want their unique spark burning out. Sam, she had realised some time ago, kept her grounded. She kept her from going insane.  
  
''I'm glad you enjoyed it; it's about time you took a holiday. You work too hard!''  
  
Brooke stated warmly. Letting a wide smile settle onto her lips as she cast a friendly look towards the smaller woman. It was true she thought Sam worked too hard. Sometimes she could be here until the small hours of the morning. In fact, she had been known to stay all night. 'Dedicated' didn't seem to do her justice, she needed something stronger. Obsessed or insane may have gone a long way though, something that Brooke couldn't help but chuckle at!  
  
''Oh as opposed to you Miss Hotshot Lawyer Lady! You hafta work just as hard to cover my ass.''  
  
Sam teased playfully, shooting Brooke a knowing glance. It had been joked about many times, that Sam almost always needed either a permanent lawyer, or a team of them. She pushed so hard for her results that she was usually always in some kind of trouble. Be it in or out of the office. But the paper loved her for it. She was already a star employee of theirs. Already gaining the acclaim that she deserved. Brooke wouldn't be surprised if she began to get awards from right about now. Sam was in her prime, turning out pieces that were a riot with both the paper and the public. Soon enough, Sam was going to gain the attention of everyone and probably the job offers to go with it. She was the kind of journalist that papers would beg for. Literally offer her everything under the sun just to be on their staff. Brooke also wondered if they'd offer her a troop of lawyers to go with.  
  
''Excuse me ladies, this is my floor.''  
  
Mr. Nameless flashed a winning smile at both of them as the elevator stopped two floors down from where Sam had gotten on. They were still at the top of the building with a number of floors to pass down. Brooke smiled as she said goodbye, obviously not really knowing him that well but still wanting to be friendly with him. After all, they did work in the same office. It would be plain rude and awkward if she ignored him or snapped his head off.  
Sam watched the man walk out of the elevator and she scanned the corridor in front of her. There didn't seem to be many people about, certainly there was no one heading for the elevator. That was good. Sam didn't want her alone time with Brooke to be interrupted. This was the first time she'd seen her since almost three weeks ago, so she really didn't want to have to keep the banter light. They'd decided to keep much of their personal life out of work, deciding that the last thing they needed was to let things slip for the whole building to talk about.  
The brunette smirked slightly as the doors began to close, and she waited a few seconds until she felt the elevator begin to move again. Running a hand through just past shoulder length, straight and silky smooth hair, Sam just watched as Brooke inched towards the panel with the buttons on. Reaching out a hand, she pressed the emergency stop and waited until she knew they'd come to a stop to turn slightly towards Sam.  
It took maybe a second or two for Brooke to turn, and no sooner had she done it, she was pushed backwards. Forcefully one might add, and her back slammed up against the wall with a thud as she was. But the blonde didn't fight off Sam's seeming attack. No, in fact she welcomed it. She enjoyed the roughness of being forced back, and she enjoyed Sam's weight pressing up against her. She could already feel the heat coming off the brunette, and it was intoxicating. She could also feel Sam's hot breath against her neck, her cheek and then finally just by the side of her mouth. It was sweet, and ragged. They hadn't even really touched each other yet and Sam was already loosing her breath. Although, Brooke had to admit that she was too. She couldn't wait for Sam's game either. Instead, she moved her head slightly and caught Sam's mouth in her own. Right now, she didn't care about the soft kisses to start with. No, what was happening here was far too demanding and fevered for that. When Brooke took Sam's mouth she took it all, roughly and deeply kissing her like she'd never kissed anyone in her life before. Tongues duelled for control; building on the electricity had welled up between them.  
Sam had a good grip on the blonde's wrists, holding them up against the wall tightly to make sure Brooke stayed pinned there. Keeping up their heated kiss, Sam let her knee move up to come between the blonde's legs, eliciting a moan of pleasure from Brooke that vibrated into her own mouth. She couldn't help but smile into the kiss slightly as she heard that. It pleased her that Brooke seemed to have missed her touch while she was away just as Sam had missed Brooke's. That was one of the only things she hadn't enjoyed about Bali. Brooke hadn't been there with her and every single night she'd craved that she was. Now that she was back, she had a lot of pent up energy that was aimed Brooke's way.  
The brunette released her grips on the lawyer's wrists, only to let her hands run down her arms, then along down her sides. As she reached her lower back, Sam just kept going. Brooke moaned again as Sam's hands tightened around her ass, pulling her forwards so that she gained more friction on her thigh. She loved it when she did things like that, it drove her crazy. Not to be outdone, Brooke let her hands drop from their position. For a moment, she just entwined her fingers with Sam's hair. Then, she let them slip onto the brunette's shoulders, running their way down to the top of Sam's light blue shirt. She felt like her lungs were about to explode through the need of oxygen, but she didn't care. It had become physically impossible to take her mouth away from the journalist's. Almost three weeks apart hadn't been something she'd expected to hit her so hard. She felt like she wanted to make up for every second of it right here right now. Although, in the back of her mind Brooke knew that she couldn't. This was just an explosion of pent up frustration. Trapped up here in the elevator at work, they couldn't really express anything. This was just something that had to be done. Something that they needed to do just to get through the day.  
It was Sam's turn to groan, now that Brooke had unbuttoned her shirt. After tossing it aside along with her bra, the blonde's hand moved straight in for the perfect, round breasts that were so obviously turned on. The lawyer smiled, delighted at Sam's moan, and the fact that she pushed forwards into her hands seeking stronger contact. Brooke couldn't withhold that. She'd missed caressing these breasts. Cupping, fondling, squeezing, licking and tasting. So that's what she did now. Releasing Sam's mouth Brooke only took a second to drag in as much air as possible before descending on the brunette's neck. Kissing downwards as Sam dipped her head back, gladly giving the blonde access, until she reached her collarbone. But Brooke kept right on going. Kissing her way down Sam's chest until she could take one of her hard nipples into her mouth, again getting a moan. Sam's hands gripped on around her ass harder, a pleasure that Brooke savoured.  
As Brooke bit down ruthlessly, Sam moaned again. Lifting her knee up suddenly, she got the same response from the blonde. Two could really play at this game. Running her hands up the small of Brooke's back, under her shirt and jacket, Sam basked in the softness of her skin. It felt like the softest silk on this earth, one that could never be rivalled. Then she pulled back ever so slightly, enough to give Brooke a silent but well-known signal that she wanted to kiss her again. The blonde didn't object, and her mouth came back up to meet hers again.  
  
''I thought...he'd never leave. I missed...you so much.''  
  
The brunette managed to whisper in between their heated kisses. As she did, her hands were doing the same thing Brooke had done to her shirt. Pushing off the smart cream jacket, and then doing the same to the shirt, Sam let her hands roam over Brooke's toned stomach. Again, her skin felt like silk. Anyone would have thought that the blonde bathed in moisturiser every night, but she didn't. She was just perfect, to Sam she was perfect.  
  
''I...I couldn't get there. I'm sorry.''  
  
The blonde responded, feeling a pang of guilt over what had happened. Sam had asked her to go to Bali with her. Tempting her with gorgeous descriptions of the place and all it had to offer. She wanted to go, desperately so. It would have been amazing. Just Sam and herself, taking in all Bali had to offer. No worries snapping at their ankles, no problems and no having to sneak around. It would have been nice. Perfect really. Brooke knew she'd wanted to see Bali for a long time, but had never gotten around to it.  
The brunette had left her a message. A letter that held the proposal of taking off together, even if it was just for two weeks. And Brooke's heart had melted. She'd read Sam's words so many times she thought she could recite them. They'd been so soft, so caring. Obviously, the brunette wanted her with her. But within her letter she stated she knew it would be difficult to get away, to get time off so suddenly. And she regretted asking at the spur of the moment, but it had been how things played out for herself too. But she did understand if the blonde couldn't make it. She realised the complications with it all, but still she'd hoped. But Brooke had never made it to the airport, so she'd continued on alone.  
  
''It's okay.''  
  
When she'd said she'd understand, Sam had meant it. Most of her knew that Brooke wouldn't have been able to pull it off anyway. But it had been a chance that she had to take. If she hadn't asked she'd have regretted it. And at least Brooke knew that she wanted her to be there. At least she knew she wanted to be there only with her. But it still hadn't stopped the pent up frustration she'd acquired being apart. And that's why she was letting this happen right now. That and she just couldn't stop herself.  
Running a hand down Brooke's toned leg as she squeezed, the brunette kissed the blonde again. She still had her pinned against the wall, panting and groaning at her kisses and touch. And it turned her on even more. Especially when Brooke moaned again as she ran her hand up under skirt. Brooke knew exactly what was coming. Part of her wanted Sam to keep up with the little bit of teasing she was doing now, but part of her wanted the journalist to just take her as quickly as possible. Her whole body felt alive and buzzing with white-hot electricity. Sam did it to her every time, got right under her skin. Brooke seriously doubted that sex could be any better. She didn't care what other people said about their sex lives, because she was with and Sam was outstanding. Brooke had never had anyone as remarkable and uniquely talented as the brunette woman, and she'd admitted that to her on more than one occasion.  
Smiling devilishly as Sam realised how excited Brooke was as she slipped her hand under her underwear, she moved her mouth to kiss along the blonde's neck. Letting her fingers stroke gently at the blonde's opening, she felt Brooke's breathing shatter as she moaned again. Then, smiling lightly as she removed her hand, she got a grunt of reluctance and disappointment out of the lawyer.  
  
''Did you miss me?''  
  
The brunette demanded quietly, licking the base of Brooke's neckline. Now that her hand was removed, she slipped it to the back of Brooke's skirt and tugged on the zipper gently. She felt Brooke gulp and then nod quickly. Again, Sam smiled as she let the short skirt fall to the floor. Now she had Brooke all hot and bothered, and in a seriously compromising position, she couldn't help but play a little. She wanted, or needed, to hear Brooke say it. And even though Brooke was in the throws of excitement, Sam knew that she'd mean it.  
  
''I missed you Sam. Please?''  
  
Sam looked up at Brooke properly, seeing that her dark green eyes were twinkling in sincerity. Moving forwards to kiss her again for a moment, Sam let her hands run along the blonde's waist. Then, after she pulled away she just smirked ever so slightly mischievously, and began to sink.  
Landing on her knees softly, Sam came face to face with Brooke's southern realm. She could smell her excitement, and it sent electric bolts through her, knowing that it was because of her. She liked knowing that Brooke only got this worked up for her. She liked knowing a side of the blonde that no one else ever would. It was intimate, and something no one else could get to.  
Pulling down her underwear, Sam felt Brooke's hands entwine with her hair again. She liked it when Brooke did that too. Truth be said Sam liked just about anything Brooke did. The blonde lawyer drove her just as crazy. She got under her skin too, and Sam had never felt anything like what Brooke did to her in her life. And she didn't think she ever would again. Brooke was extraordinary. Her talents as a lover were beyond compare, and Sam had never been as satisfied with anyone else.  
Finally, the brunette gave in as she let two of her fingers slip inside of the blonde. Brooke moaned in gratification as Sam's talented fingers moved inside of her, causing a burning sensation to rise up through her. Then, as the brunette moved forwards the blonde couldn't help but writhe a little. The feeling of Sam's tongue on her was indescribable. Her hot, wet tongue, mouth and her teeth were equally skilled as her fingers. She sucked and nipped at her clit, making the lawyer writhe even more in pleasure. She could feel that heat inside of her stomach. The one that was stretching out and taking hold of all of her body. She was beginning to be trapped in a painfully pleasurable orgasm, one that when ready, would rip through her. But it wasn't ready yet; instead it just teased the blonde and Sam knew it. She knew that she was teasing Brooke, making it build and build inside of her. That's the way she wanted it to be, and from Brooke's incoherent mutterings, she didn't seem to mind too much.  
Sam ruthlessly added another finger, thrusting it up unexpectedly causing Brooke to let out a small yelp, though Sam knew it was one of pleasure and not pain. She knew how much Brooke could take, and this was nothing beyond her limitation. Sucking harder on her as she curled her fingers up to where she knew the blonde's g-spot was, she pushed a little harder, a little quicker. Brooke rocked at the rhythm Sam was setting, panting for air as the orgasm rose up inside of her. Higher and higher until finally, it exploded. The blonde gasped wildly, trying not to scream out because she was well aware of where she was. Granted she was suspended between floors in the high building but that didn't mean no one would hear. Not when she screamed as loud as she wanted to. So she kept it in, with difficulty, as she came hard. That amazing feeling, the one where everything was so light and peaceful, engulfed her. Her body shook repeatedly, taking the multiple releases as they came. It was glorious, and her mind felt like she was on the highest cloud. Then, as her knees weakened she began to slide down the wall happily, sated after her three weeks of torture.  
  
''Guess you did miss me, huh?''  
  
Sam joked playfully, glad that she'd brought Brooke to such a high level of release. Watching Brooke when she came, especially when it was multiple, fascinated her. That simply beautiful and radiating look on her face dumbfounded the journalist. Not that Brooke didn't always look beautiful, but there was a certain glow about her when she could let go.  
The blonde smiled at Sam's comment, hardly opening her eyes as she leant forwards and pulled her in to kiss her. She could taste herself on Sam and she liked it. Combined with how Sam tasted. It meant something to her. Maybe too much. These past weeks had brought her to some realisations of her own. The problem was most of them scared her. She knew she was being irrational, but it scared Brooke sometimes when she thought about how she felt. About all the things it meant. There was a lot to loose, but not only for herself, others were to be thought about too.  
But the lawyer really didn't want to think about that right now. This beautiful, dark goddess was before her now. She was home, and she was right here. Brooke hadn't been able to fight the urge to be with Sam even if it was in the elevator. But she knew they'd set something up after this. They could be alone and take their time and really talk. Just like they usually did. Although, the element of surprise was a rush. Brooke didn't deny that the danger excited her too. It always did. She and the journalist could play these little games sometimes, seeing how far they could push it. It was spontaneous and fun, something different than Brooke was used to.  
  
''So...what was that about covering your ass?''  
  
Brooke demanded huskily, pulling Sam into teasing kisses as she kept pulling away. The brunette smirked, chocolate brown eyes twinkling brightly as Brooke began to push her backwards. As she did, the journalist felt the blonde's tongue dip into her belly button, a starting point for Brooke before she kissed and licked her way up Sam's toned, flat stomach. She hovered slightly, taking a second or two to lick over the black, tribal tattoo Sam had. Located far down the right side of her abdomen. She hadn't been surprised when Sam had gotten a tattoo. It was something within her impulsive nature, although there was nothing impulsive about Sam's tattoos. From the time she left school to now, the quirky journalist had gotten six and Brooke loved each one of them. Jane hadn't been as pleased however, but she couldn't say that Sam's choices weren't nice.  
Leaving the tattoo behind, Brooke began her ascent again. She felt the muscles under her soft milky skin twitch slightly at the sensation of her proceedings. As she slowly rose up the brunette's body, Brooke let her hand disappear under the ankle length skirt that Sam had worn today. Just as slowly as she was moving her mouth upwards, she let her hand glide over her legs. Using her fingertips to just lightly brush over the top of her inner thighs and over the front of her underwear, she received a moan.  
  
''Liked my...little play on words there did you?''  
  
Sam quipped as she tipped her head sideways slightly, letting Brooke lick up her neck slowly. The blonde was only playing with her and already Sam thought she was about to explode. She recognised her need, and Brooke's. She knew that if it hadn't been almost three weeks, then this would have played out for hours. If they weren't stuck in the elevator at work that was.  
Brooke just smiled before she took Sam's mouth again, enjoying the feeling of her kiss. She'd gently moved aside the brunette's underwear, but still hadn't made any other moves than light, fleeting touches. And Sam was getting hotter because of it. The blonde learned just how to handle the brunette, and she was good at doing so. And just because Sam hadn't been able to resist the urge to tease her, Brooke thought some payback was in order.  
Keeping their heated kisses going, Brooke thrust three fingers into the brunette, making her jolt underneath her and moan into her mouth. But Brooke didn't ease up on the kisses, not giving Sam any time to stop and breathe. No, she was merciless in her doings. Just as she was with the rhythm she set. It had taken Sam by surprise, and that was good. She knew it turned her on more given her spontaneous character. She knew that Sam liked her bouts of control. When she wouldn't give room for any adjustment time, like now.  
The journalist rocked in time with Brooke, feeling that familiar pent up sensation running up through her. It didn't take long for her to cum and she had no choice but just to moan into Brooke's mouth. Letting the feeling sweep over her, she realised just how much she'd missed being with the blonde. It wasn't just the sex, it was Brooke. She was hooked on her like some kind of drug and she never wanted to give it up. But there were so many things standing in their way, so many insecurities and complications. How on earth could they possibly make it work with all of them on their doorstep? But then, these had been some of the things she'd been thinking about in Bali. Brooke had been her target audience for her thoughts, but until the elevator she hadn't been able to locate her. And now wasn't the time to raise any serious issues. Sam knew she'd need to gather herself first, really plan on what she needed to say.  
During her moment of pleasure, she hadn't felt Brooke move down her body again. The first she became aware of it, was when she felt her tongue. Brooke had slipped between her legs and had replaced her fingers with her tongue. Sam gasped as she felt the sensations shoot through her, gaining another heated feeling within her stomach at the unexpected assault. Left to writhe at Brooke's ministrations, she tried to grip whatever she could. Eventually, she just tangled her hands in silky blonde hair gently, just taking in the sensations shooting through her body. But then, just as unexpectedly as before, Brooke bit down on the brunette's clit hard enough to make her cum but not hard enough to hurt her. Sam jolted as her breath caught in her throat as she came hard again, and again and again. Brooke was really set on payback, and she'd gotten it.  
  
''Yeah, I did.''  
  
Opening her eyes, Sam found that Brooke had sneaked back up again. Now her face was hovering above her, green eyes swirling intensely. They remained there for a moment, just staring into one another's eyes, portraying many things they were scared to say. They could see through the walls that they both put up easily. They'd always been able to do that at some level, but after so much time as friends, they could barely keep anything in. It was safe to say that they knew each other just about as deeply as anyone could. Yet, they were still scared of one another.  
Not being able to take such close proximity, or the look that pooled in Brooke's eyes any long, Sam just kissed her. It was still as deep, still as heated, only the brunette tried to display how much she really had missed the blonde lawyer, and how much that she meant to her. It was an ambitious aim, considering that she'd never really confessed anything on that level. Again, she'd fallen pray to her own weaknesses. There was an unspoken rule between the two, and that was that they shouldn't disturb anything. Ask no questions and they told no lies. Things sailed smoothly and they remained friends, and secret lovers. Everything else they ignored. The real world didn't count; it was just something that could be put on hold.  
  
1:30pm  
  
''Whatever he thinks I did, I didn't do it I swear!''  
  
Sam held her hands up in surrender at the look she received from the assistant of her editor. Polly Richardson was a nice woman, and through countless appointments with the editor for being in trouble, Sam had grown to like her. Some of the office thought she was a little snooty, but Sam thought different. They just misjudged her. Polly was a self-assured woman, with a wicked sense of humour. It was very dry, and the brunette reasoned that was what most people took for snootiness.  
The small, plump woman chuckled lightly as she shook her head at the young woman. Sam was feisty, she liked her. Polly had thought from day one that the girl had class and wits. She looked for that, because she related to it. She liked Sam's sense of humour too, and the fact that she seemed to be in never ending trouble. It had become a source of amusement to both of them, and gave them the frequent meetings that they had. Plus, Polly read the paper. Sam didn't spend time in this office without reason. Her troublesome streaks always ended in brilliant scores for the paper, her own personal results from pushing so hard. Polly admired that too.  
  
''Sam, you've been back for half a day girl and you're already in the office. Maybe we should just move you in here?''  
  
Polly suggested as she still chuckled. She watched as Sam stepped further into the waiting area of her boss's office. She'd seen it far too many times, and had even memorised how it looked. If asked, she could describe to the last detail the set out and the decoration. It was insane, and Polly was right. She was always down here, and it was worth considering having her own office nearer. So she couldn't help but stand and actually think about the idea, making the assistant chuckle even more.  
  
''It is a good thought, although I really haven't done anything. Yet. Not today anyway...that I'm aware of! Maybe he just wants to see some holiday snapshots?''  
  
Not being able to decide whether she'd actually done something or not, Sam frowned in confusion as she tried to think. Indeed she had only been back for half a day. She couldn't possibly have pissed anyone off already, could she? The brunette decided to remain neutral on that one, not wanting to commit to an answer just in case. Maybe she had ruffled some feathers? She had been rather sharp with Mr. Newman, a rather unpleasant man she was trying to get information out of. But she thought he might have just given it up simply to make her stop calling!  
  
''Whatever you say honey, you just keep on hoping! You'd better go on in now, he's been waiting with one of those lawyers that are so very fond of you!''  
  
Polly smiled at the brunette warmly, letting dark brown eyes sparkle softly. She wasn't a stupid woman. When one of the lawyers were down, especially this one, and Sam had anything to do with it then it meant trouble. It hadn't taken long for her to learn that. Sam was always copping it from one place or another. Personal safety, finance, legal, where ever. But Sam just kept on pushing, and for that she was well respected. It was a lot for the other journalists to contend with, but that's why Sam was special. In addition the interns were terrified of her, but awe struck. Sam herself was just a simple, carefree girl. At least that's how she acted. Polly saw that there was a lot to be said about her underneath, but at work, she kept it out. She didn't care about the attention, about the praise; she just wanted to do her job.  
Running a hand through her hair quickly, Sam took in a deep breath. This must have been important if a lawyer was in there. But seriously, what could she have done already? She hadn't even been out of the office apart from at lunchtime. And that had been for lunch. All she'd done was catch up with a few of the girls and Brooke. The pair of them had aimed at having lunch privately, so that they could talk but they'd been sprung walking out of the building together. And who were they to say no to a lunch invitation? It would've aroused suspicion and it would have been rude. Both of them liked the girls too, so they'd ended up having to push their stuff aside and wait.  
  
''You look fine angel cake, good luck.''  
  
Sam smiled at Polly as she smoothed out her shirt before walking towards the door. Tapping on it lightly, she didn't wait for an answer as she began to push it open. If she waited for an answer, she would probably have gotten snapped at. She liked her editor, she really did. He was a good one, and he'd been an excellent journalist. Sam remembered reading his stuff since back in school. Getting to work along side him was an honour, and getting to be his friend was too. He'd been hard on her upon her arrival, and he still was. But back then; he thought she was just a trouble starter. Until she'd given him her work. Then time after time she'd proved herself worthy of such a prestigious paper, and she had flown through her internship.  
Ducking her head around the door curiously, chocolate brown eyes took in the man standing behind his desk. He looked up as she poked her head into the room, looking like a scolded puppy waiting to see if it was allowed back into a room. Wiggling a hand for her to come in, the brunette cleared her throat and did so.  
  
''You wanted to...see me?''  
  
Catching her sentence as she caught glimpse of Brooke sitting in one of the designated chairs before the desk, she looked between them with a frown. Nate Foley nodded softly, giving her a slightly perplexed frown. His soft, blue eyes looked at her as though he was seeing her for the first time. As though he was trying to figure something out, and somewhere inside of her was the answer. It made her nervous. He'd never looked at her like that before, not even when she'd first started. And not even when she'd been in the worst of her troubles.  
Getting a little nervous as she shut the door, Sam looked towards Brooke with a questioning gaze. The blonde sat in her chair, legs crossed as well as her arms. She looked smart, as professional as ever really. And that worried Sam too. But from the look in her eyes, the blonde didn't know why she was here. Brooke wouldn't have looked back just as questioningly if she did.  
  
''Yes, take a seat Sam.''  
  
Nate gestured to the seat next to Brooke gently, then lifted the hand up to rub his forehead. Sighing lightly, he rubbed between his eyes as he thought about how to approach the given subject he'd called the two girls down here for. It wasn't something he'd had to do before. In his many years as a journalist here, and as the editor, he could say positively that this had never happened to him.  
  
''What kind of trouble are you in now McPherson?''  
  
Brooke asked teasingly as she watched Sam sit down, looking somewhat nervous. The brunette looked towards her sharply, shocked that Brooke had spoken. She'd been watching her aging editor rub the bridge of his nose in thought. It gave her pause that he held such an expression, and she was surprised that Brooke wasn't watching him either. But then again, the blonde had been sitting in here for longer. Seemingly with no clue as to why. She probably just thought that Nate was overwhelmed that the brunette could need a lawyer within half a day!  
  
''Hey, I'm not always in trouble.''  
  
Sam replied quickly, her voice more hopeful than anything else. She still felt obligated to defend herself. Despite the running jokes, and the many titles she'd been given because of it, she still felt obligated to maintain an innocent plea. Of course, she was hardly ever innocent. And if it weren't for having so many people work with her, and stick up for her, she probably would've been fired by now. It had been Nate that had stuck up for her first. Seeing her talent and deciding that her way wasn't always one that pleased people. And with Sam, it was usually the guilty people she was pissing off.  
  
''Yes you are!''  
  
The brunette started slightly as the chorused reply, looking sharply between Brooke and Nate. They replied in exactly the same tone, at exactly the same time. Well, she felt like she'd been severely told. Maybe they were right, but she did have sparse occasions when she wasn't being complained about or requested to be fired. Brooke just had to deal with most of the fall out, as did Nate that's all. Their opinion wasn't exactly objective sometimes when they were constantly dealing with it alongside of her.  
Clearing his throat to grasp their attention, Nate looked between them slowly. Again, his soft blue eyes seemed to be trying to work something out. Though, he did look at them fondly. Sam had been somewhat of a surprise to him. At first, he hadn't been sure whether to like her or not. But quickly, he learnt that it was impossible not to like her. She was a girl after his own heart, possibly the daughter he'd never had. He loved his boys of course, and he was proud of them. But if he'd have had to have a daughter along with them, he knew he would have liked her to be just like Sam. He'd even trust her with one of his lads; a daughter-in-law wouldn't be too bad. She was intelligent and quick with an opinionated mind. There weren't many things he could get past her, and had long since given up trying. The compassion she held for others seemed never ending, and in part it was what drove her to work so hard. The other part of course, was her loyalty. Loyalty to the general public, because she thought they deserved to be given the opportunity to hear the truth. Indeed, he had come to see her as somewhat of a daughter. He wasn't supposed to have favourites, but Sam was his.  
And as for Brooke, he hadn't really known her. He had as little to do with the lawyers of this place as he could. He found them arrogant, over confident and rude. But Brooke was different. She was sharp; there wasn't anything you could get past her either. She'd listen to what you'd say and use it, so he guessed she was a pretty good lawyer. The girl was well mannered and modest, with a sense of warmness about her. Nate had been surprised at how easy it was to talk to her. She was witty and deep too, something he hadn't expected from a lawyer. And it was through Sam that he'd gotten to know her properly. The legal office usually sent Brooke down to take care of Sam's troubles, given that she was pretty much the best lawyer up there and a personal friend to the girl. Eventually, Brooke had started coming down by herself to talk to him. And he couldn't help but think that she too would have been a daughter he'd loved to have. Again, he would have trusted her with one of his boys.  
He'd found countless stories of their school days together both hilarious and fascinating. Except of course the tale of Brooke getting run down, that hadn't been something to laugh about. There were still scars, both mentally and physically, although some were better hidden than others. Mentally Brooke did well at hiding them, but they were still there. They probably always would be. She'd moved on yes, but the truth that her best friend had mowed her down would always remain with her. As would the memory of the pain she'd gone through to get better. And physically, the only scars Nate had ever seen was the small, light line that ran from her wrist to just by her elbow, and a similar soft line by her stomach. He admired her for how she'd handled it of course; having heard the in depth stories told mostly by Sam as Brooke usually gave a modest recount.  
He could really go so far as to say that he loved these girls. His wife did too, and they were having endless dinner parties and what not between them all. It was a welcoming aspect of his life. Nate found it interesting when he made friends with different people; it made life that little bit better.  
  
''Sam, Brooke...I'd like to think that we're friends, good friends. We know each other pretty well, and I'd like to think I'm the kind of friend, and editor, that you'd come to for advice. And I love you both, I really do. Despite trying to keep a professional relationship with you both, you've become like daughters to me. I admire you both. I hope that you feel the same way, and in a way I know you do. And I know I'm confusing you here because you don't know why you're here, but before I explain, is there anything at all you'd like to tell me? Anything?''  
  
Looking up at Nate, both lawyer and journalist began to get nervous about what it was they were sitting here for. Both used their talents in reading people to scan the editor's face, hoping to find some sort of clue. And apart from sincerity, confusion and hope, they found nothing. So, both blonde and brunette shook their heads silently. Neither of them wanted to say anything at this juncture, just in case it lead them into any kind of trouble. Although Sam was used to it, she hated being in trouble with Nate. Just like he'd said they felt like daughters to him, Sam had come to respect and see him as though she would a Father. She'd lost her own so long ago, and for a long stretch of her life, she hadn't had one. Her Mother had gotten married again though, and Sam had been happy about that. Marc, a man that had been introduced by Mike McQueen, was a great guy, and he cared about Jane a lot. And it had also meant that Sam had gotten two little siblings. Marc had a boy and a girl that she'd gotten along famously with. They were great kids, and Sam loved being the hip big sister. And then of course, unexpectedly Jane had fallen pregnant, and now she had another sister. She'd never taken to calling Marc Dad, and she'd never accepted his name, but he'd respected that. Sam had felt like there was only one man that was her Father and although he wasn't there anymore the least she could do was respect him by never calling anyone else Dad and keeping his name. She'd vowed to herself never to change either of those two things. Although, she loved Marc like a Father, as she did with Nate.  
  
''Fair enough. One of the security guards approached me not too long ago, and I'd like to show you what he brought with him.''  
  
Picking up the remote from his desk, Nate pointed it at the TV. Brooke and Sam watched as the monitor flicked on, and then waited for him to press play. As soon as he did, they were confronted with something that they'd never thought off. A security tape. And as soon as it appeared they both knew exactly where it was from, the elevator.  
Cringing instantly, Brooke felt her heart leap into her throat. How could they of all people be so reckless? Of course there were security cameras in the elevator. The entire building had been fitted out after that whole disaster with Mel Pattern two years ago. The poor girl had been attacked right here in the building, and after a she'd been heard screaming by two of the office guys there had been a fight with the attacker. He'd been hurt during the scuffle and had tried to sue the paper for it. Brooke had been on the team of lawyers. She herself had demanded that cameras be installed throughout the building to assure that something like this either didn't happen, or at least got caught on tape. How in the hell could she have forgotten about them?  
Sam just paled as she watched the screen, noticing that Nate turned around to look out of the window. She couldn't help but feel a little shamed because she thought he was disappointed. It was worse than actually being caught on camera. Although, that was pretty bad. As she was confronted with her own actions, Sam felt her mouth go dry, followed by her throat. Then, she cast a daring glance at Brooke, who seemed to be in a world of her own. She didn't look mad exactly, or ashamed. She just seemed to be in shock. As was the journalist, and a little embarrassed at the thought of Nate watching this, or anyone else for that matter. What happened in that elevator wasn't anyone else's business. It was meant to be private. Yes they'd been reckless and had abandoned all common sense when they'd been in there, a mistake they'd probably pay for, but still it was their business.  
  
''Any thoughts come to mind now?''  
  
Nate wondered, his voice lilting in through the brunette's thoughts. Though she wasn't really done. She was mad. She understood why Nate had asked them to come in and she understood that what they'd done was a big no no. Because they were on company time and property. They were two respected and well-known figures of this entire office, which meant they couldn't really afford to have their credibility challenged. Sam couldn't afford having a scandal against her as a journalist, and neither could Brooke as a lawyer. And personally, they had more than a lot to loose. But still, Sam was mad. How dare they infringe on her privacy? Was it anything to do with the office? No, it was her and Brooke. They were making their own decisions, they were big girls now. Did they really have to be brought down here and sat down like two schoolgirls? As if they'd taken part in some shocking crime. It wasn't a crime; it wasn't anything else to do with anyone. But what made her even madder was that the forced viewing was making her think about her decisions again.  
  
''Invasion of privacy?''  
  
The journalist muttered loud enough to be heard. Chocolate brown eyes were cast onto the edge of the desk before her, seemingly engrossed in it. Running her tongue along her bottom lip as she frowned ever so slightly, she tried to cast out any distracting thoughts. She couldn't look at the tape again, that's why she'd become fixated onto the wood of the desk. But she couldn't help but let the comment slip out. It's how she felt, even though she knew she was wrong to say it. It wasn't an invasion of privacy; it was an invasion of trust. And she'd been the one invading. She and her partner in crime next to her.  
  
''Now is not the time to act like a smartass Sam. You could get into a lot of trouble over this, along with Brooke. You're lucky that this came straight to me. You're lucky that it was Norman who saw it and kept it safe. If any of those other security boys had seen it, it'd probably be circulating by now. Do you get that?''  
  
Nate didn't raise his voice that often, at least not in front of Brooke and Sam. They'd heard him, but he wasn't usually directing his anger towards them. Only this time, he was. And it was only out of the confusion and concern he held about them. Sighing as both of them looked at him, out of both surprise and respect, he turned the tape off. He didn't want to see it as much as they didn't. And he couldn't bare the looks it was making them get anymore. At best they looked like they were rabbits caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. They hadn't dreamed for one second that this would happen. Evidently, or they wouldn't have done it.  
  
''Did er...did you watch...that?''  
  
Brooke all but whispered, her throat catching as she spoke. That was one of her main concerns. Had Nate watched all the tape? Had he really sat and watched everything that they'd done? If he had, she thought she just might have been sick. It would have been like her own Father watching it. She too had grown to love Nate as sort of a Father figure, even though she had a great one of her own. He was just lovable that way, departing with knowledge and experience. He had the funniest stories, and the biggest heart. Brooke couldn't help but love him like a Father. So if he'd watched that, it would have been awful.  
  
''No, but I don't need to watch it to know what happens Brooke. I have no idea what's going on here. I mean, I know you two are friends. Close friends but...that close? After all this time, you've never let on a thing. Just how long as this been going on?''  
  
The greying editor demanded. Brooke and Sam looked at one another for a moment, deciding that maybe truth was the best policy here. Nate had caught them out so there was no use lying, and he'd know if they were anyway. So silently, somewhere in their eyes, the young women agreed to tell the truth. It was finalised by Brooke giving a faint but firm nod.  
  
''Nine years, give or take.''  
  
Sam replied honestly, turning back to look at Nate. She watched, as he was about to reply, obviously thinking she was going to say a number of months. Nine years had really stopped him in his tracks. She herself could hardly believe it was that long. Nine years of dancing around in the shadows with Brooke, playing the secret game. How they'd gotten away with it was beyond her. School was a place that no secrets could be held. College was a lot better. It had been easier in college; students were about everywhere doing a bit of everything. Both of them had found it easy to make excuses of why they needed to see each other all the time. Plus, of course, they were friends. Just friends on the outside, a little more on the inside. Either way, it hadn't been hard. Coming here though, it had been tougher. Having to be professional with one another. They'd had to keep their guard up a lot more, but evidently, they weren't capable of doing it all of the time.  
  
''Nine years? Jesus Christ Sam! She's a married woman, or did you forget that? Not to mention you Brooke, what are you doing here? You have a husband...a famous one to boot. Do you know how this could turn out? If the press get wind of this it could ruin you all.''  
  
Nate exasperated. Going from Sam to Brooke, the older man flailed his hands through the air pointedly as if it would help him come to terms with what he was hearing. Nine years. That was going back to school, and it meant that both of them had carried out other relationships to the point of getting married. He thought a lot about these girls, but cheater hadn't been a word he'd associated with either of them. He didn't even know if cheater was the right word. Obviously, they had been doing...whatever it was they were doing before anyone else. Did that mean it was really them in the relationship and the others were just extra? He didn't get it. But he did get one thing. Brooke McQueen was married to a major football player. George Austin was a respected and sought after sportsman and it was true that if the press got wind of this, they'd splash it all over the papers and the TV. It was an insane line to be dancing on. He and Brooke seemed so good together, and so happy. Was that not the case? Did George know? Did George have someone else too? Was this one of those open relationship things? Nate just got more and more confused by the minute. Every question he thought of brought along a friend.  
  
''I'm well aware of that Nate. And neither of us for a second has forgotten that I'm married. This doesn't have anything to do with George...it's just...we...I mean I...''  
  
Brooke found it hard to actually explain herself. Because she didn't know exactly what was going on. She knew she had a headache, that much she could tell. But what was going on between she and Sam, well that was a little bit more difficult to explain. And define. What were they doing? For nine years they'd been hiding in the shadows. For nine years they'd been having this affair. And yes, Brooke had been dating George at the same time. And she'd gone so far as to marry him. At one point, she really did think she was in love with him. But at the same time, she'd never been able to call it off with Sam. There was something there that she just couldn't give up, and Sam hadn't been able to either. The trouble was that as expected, George had gone far in the sports field. He had debated for a long while what to do with his options. In the end, he'd decided to play football. But as he did, he was gaining a degree in psychology too, for after he stopped playing. But right now, he was in his prime. And of course, he was gorgeous. Every girl wanted him. Every team wanted him. And the press wanted him. He'd been interviewed a countless amounts of time, some of them he'd asked Brooke to be there for. He was a star. And if that tape, or any rumour for that matter, got out that his wife was having an affair it'd be everywhere. Especially when his wife, the respected lawyer, was having an affair with a woman. A long time friend and a well-known journalist. It had the potential to ruin all three of them.  
  
''What Brooke, it's just what? Evidently you have forgotten, otherwise you wouldn't be cheating on your husband. It's the only way I know how to put it. I have no idea what's going on here; you've thrown me through a loop. But you, you're the rational one. How could you let this happen?''  
  
Brooke found it a little disturbing how Nate was honing in on her. Yes okay, she was the 'rational' one. She was the one that swooped in and made everything all better for everyone. Especially Sam. And she was the one that had her life all together. The career, the husband, the home and the expected family. She was envied by a lot of people, mainly women, in this company. At twenty-six she was a hotshot lawyer, one that had been given another promotion. Two more and she'd be running the damn legal office. She had a talented, kind and hansom husband who treated her like she was a queen. So she was meant to be the rational one. But why couldn't she be irrational with her feelings? She knew it was insane what she was doing with Sam. She'd always thought that, but it was some of the reason she liked it. Sam let her be free. She gave her a different side that no one else knew, and Brooke liked it. And if she were so rational, she wouldn't have married George in the first place. He didn't deserve a wife that had been cheating on him for the entire duration of their relationship. He deserved a wife that would truly be faithful to him, because he was such a good man. So no, she really wasn't that rational. She was balancing everything on plates, and sooner or later plates always fell off the spinning poles.  
  
''Hey, would you stop yelling at her? She's not to blame here.''  
  
Sam snapped irritably. She didn't really like the way Brooke was being honed in on either. The blonde certainly wasn't to be blamed for all of this. Sure, she was the actual married one, but it didn't make her to blame. Brooke was just a victim to the same thing she was. Addiction. They were infatuated with one another. Sam had learnt that almost nine years ago. And after that, their feelings just took over. They were both as guilty as each other. They'd carried out adultery behind everyone's back, and Sam did feel guilty for George. She hadn't forgotten about him, especially when she thought about the entire situation.  
  
''And you are? So explain to me Sam, if this has been going on since high school, why Brooke is married and you're about to be married. That isn't a friendship ring sat on your finger there. You have a fiancé, or did you forget about him too? Why on earth would you two be involved with each other, and have two different relationships? I mean, what were you going to do if you got caught? Or one of you got pregnant? What then huh? Did you even think about that? Did you think about saying no when these boys first asked you out? Do they even know? I have to admit; if George or Harrison know anything about this then they hide it well. Is this some kind of open relationship you have going with them?''  
  
Sam hadn't forgotten about Harrison either. Her unexpected fiancé. Just like Brooke had started to date George into college, Sam had gotten together with Harrison. Her long time best friend had managed to somehow sweep her off of her feet. She didn't know what had happened really, but she knew things had been good. For a while. She had lived in the euphoria of being in love and in a happy relationship with someone she could really connect to for a long while. Even though she'd still been involved with Brooke. Harrison and George had made friends during Brooke's recovery, and the four of them were like a small unit. All attending the same college, all hanging out together. That made it easy too. The boys thought nothing of it when the girls vanished together. They'd put it down to girly best friend stuff. Sam and Brooke were close friends, why should have they expected any differently? They'd taken all the flimsy excuses for them to be alone because they'd never expected anything to be going on.  
Sam had even said yes when Harrison had proposed. She'd been happy, she really had. They'd decided to put the wedding off until they were both stable in their jobs and their home. Unexpectedly, Harrison's chosen field was nursing. After his time in the hospital, he'd always remembered how good his nurse was. He was the one that Harrison had had most to do with. The one that was always right there. And it had affected him. So despite the stigma that male nurses tended to be gay, Harrison went for it. Sam had encouraged him, delighted that he was so enthusiastic by it. She was proud that he wanted to help people like he had been helped. How could she not encourage that? She'd prefer that he be happy in whatever job he wanted than unhappy in a more highflying job. If nursing was for him, it was for him. And indeed, he was a fantastic nurse. No, she hadn't forgotten about Harrison either.  
  
''I know what my ring means Nate; I'm not a child. And I know what hers means too. Believe me, Harrison and George have always remained in my foresight and it hasn't been fun for either of us lying to them. And no, they don't know. This isn't some kinky swingers thing we have going here...it's...something else.''  
  
Sam replied firmly, scowling at her boss for patronising her. Both of them actually. Did he really think they were just ambling along in this affair without giving a second thought to their significant others? Those rings around their fingers constantly reminded them that they belonged to different people. Their friendships with the guys dictated to them that at the end of the day, they were with them. It wasn't easy. It got confusing, and it was complicated. And like Brooke, Sam found it hard to define what it was. Although, she had a few ideas. But instead of saying them, she watched as Nate took in another breath and thought for a moment before he took his seat.  
  
''Then explain to me, as you're friend, what the hell is going on here? How did this happen?''  
  
He asked in a soft, pleading tone this time. He'd realised he was getting somewhat patronising, and demanding. Only because he wanted to know the truth. He'd been a journalist all his life, it was how he was. He couldn't hide that, and deep down he knew Sam understood it. Brooke would too, but Sam knew what it felt like. And given that he was their friend too, he just wanted it all to make sense. Like he said, he was thrown through a loop.  
  
''When we were fifteen, Sam and I decided to try and call a truce. We realised we were fighting for no reason, so we decided to turn our hand to that of friendship. This you know already. It worked for a while, but given that we'd fought for so many years it was hard. Then one day, we had a full- blown argument. Everything was outed, including our attraction to one another. We didn't understand it but we couldn't deny it either. So, slowly but surely we decided to explore these feelings we were having. That summer we went steady, but kept it to ourselves. I'd split up with Josh because of his Mom and my Dad getting together, so neither of us had any complications attached.''  
  
It was Brooke that decided to paint the picture clear for Nate, knowing that it was what he was asking for. If starting back at high school meant that he would understand this better and stop freaking out, then she'd start back at high school. But there were two of them involved in this story, and she didn't think she could do it alone. Her head was still thick with what was going on. It wasn't as if she'd pencilled this in her diary after lunch.  
  
''Brooke and I didn't really think about anything else. We didn't apply labels either. We just knew we liked one another, so that's what we concentrated on. However, halfway through our junior year we broke up. Difference of far too many opinions and our relationship shattered. We went our separate ways and found friendship elsewhere. Evidently, Brooke made good friends with George, and Harrison and I began to speak again. And it stayed like that for a while. But there was still something there, so we decided to at least give the friendship another try. Despite our differences, we had a lot of similarities too. We'd helped each other through a lot so we decided to try and not let that go to waste. But again it failed, and not only did we end up arguing, but so did George and Harrison. It was pretty bad. No one knew where it had come from, no one but us. Then, on prom night we decided to meet before. Again we ended up fighting and Brooke walked out of the restaurant. I followed erm, her out to try and talk, but then...then Nicole's car hit her...''  
  
Focusing on Sam now, Nate listened intently to the brief description being told. He knew that the pair had had a rocky friendship in high school, because of their different social circles. And he knew the accident had readjusted their values on that, but he hadn't expected any of this to be behind it.  
Both he and Brooke saw how hard it was for Sam to mention the car as she slowed down with her speech and had to clear her throat. Her chocolate eyes seemed pained with the memory of the event, a picture of Brooke being thrown over the car like some kind of rag doll forever etched into her mind. Not to mention the sounds. The truth was, Sam remembered every detail. Seeing the car round the corner, looking towards Brooke as her heart began to beat faster as she yelled out to her. It had been too late though, as was her running out to the blonde. The car was so fast, and it had slammed into Brooke before Sam had really had a chance to move. And she'd forever remember the scream that came from the blonde, as her own heart had stopped. She'd watched the then cheerleader be flopped about, slamming into the hood of the car and up onto the windshield that smashed upon her impact. Then she'd bounced across the top, slamming and denting the silver metal. Looking at Brooke, you wouldn't have thought she could dent anything, let alone the roof of a beamer. But she had. And finally, she'd gone smashing down the end, bouncing and rolling along the pavement until she'd come to a stop. Motionless and bloody. Nicole's car had begun to screech to a halt until she'd hit a lamppost, but the only thing Sam had cared about was Brooke. She wouldn't have given a damn if Nicole had died in that car, in fact she would've been glad of it. It was Brooke she'd been concerned about. And when she'd gotten to her, she'd thought she was dead.  
Seeing the memories haunt Sam's eyes Brooke decided to take over again. It was something that had hurt the brunette almost as much as it had hurt her. Sam had seen the whole thing. She'd had to witness everything, and remember it all. Brooke herself didn't remember too much about the actual impact. She remembered headlights, and then she'd remembered falling. The thing was, she didn't think it was falling as she'd been hurtling towards the road after coming off of the car. Things had gone black then. She didn't remember going over the car or hitting the road. What she did remember however, was Sam when she'd come around. Sam that was covered in blood. She hadn't understood then what had gone on. Why there was a group of people standing away from them, watching with shock across their faces. And she hadn't understood why Sam had tears rolling down her face, but had been trying to stop them and smile instead. Her head trauma had seen to it that she didn't understand, and the body's natural painkillers had settled in, disconnecting her from anything she should have felt. It had left her with light-headedness, and a child like innocence about her. She apologised to Sam for being a bitch, and had managed to reach up and wipe some tears away. It hadn't registered that Sam was covered in her blood, hadn't registered that it was all over her arm too. And if she could've seen, it was all over her body. The reality of it was that her injuries had piled up. Two fractured legs, a dislocated knee, a tear across her arm, and a piece of glass sticking out of her stomach. A broken arm, collarbone and four broken ribs. And a hairline fracture across her temple. Cuts and bruises all over her, black eye, gashed forehead. She was bleeding from all kinds of places, and her body looked like it had been snapped like twigs. And they had just been some of the visible ones. The glass had caused internal damage, including damage to her spleen and her intestine. Not to mention the head trauma she'd sustained. It was lucky she'd actually come out alive. And she was lucky that she'd survived all of those injuries. It had been one long, painful year. And of course, she still got pains now. It was something that would always be with her.  
  
''Considering the amount of injuries I sustained, I was in the hospital for a fair few months. They started to sedate me during the night due to the nightmares I'd have. So, Sam started coming in at night. She'd sleep in my room and she was the only thing that would calm me down. I began to lean very heavily on her. Evidently, the crash put things into perspective for us. A rather harsh lesson, but a lesson none the less. It took me that entire year to heal. I went through every kind of therapy you could name to get me back on track, and the staff were amazed I even pulled through it like I did. It took all of my families, and all of my friends' support to help me through it. Especially Sam's. I connected to her like no one else, probably because she'd been there when I woke up on the road. So, we got close. And we both realised how petty our differences were, that they were nothing compared to loosing a life. And that's how it got started again.''  
  
Brooke spoke with the same weight to her voice that Sam held in her eyes. They knew better than anyone how severe the accident had been, and they knew that not many people would have survived it. The fact that Brooke had seemed to just make everything disappear. To Sam, Brooke's health had been the top priority that year. Helping her anyway she could was on the top of her agenda. She'd made herself sick keeping up with schoolwork and helping out with Brooke, but she hadn't cared. And she'd had to give evidence too. She'd seen everything that night, so she was a key witness in the trial against Nicole. And she hadn't missed any of her court appearances. She knew she'd never forgive her for what she did. No matter how much help she got, no matter how much she changed, Nicole Julian would always be the girl that nearly killed Brooke. And Sam knew she'd go through counselling. She knew she got off light because of Nicole's Mother and money. She knew she'd be out there somewhere, enjoying life without a second thought as to how Brooke's life went. The blonde had barely gone into school that year. Of course, when she'd been up to it she'd had home schooling. And she'd insisted on studying in the hospital when she was bored and well enough to do so. But the drugs had made it difficult. Never the less, Brooke had passed high school with flying colours. She'd been given allowance due to her injuries, and her grades had been pulled up from the lower ones she'd gotten because it's what she would have gotten. And Principal Krups himself had sent a letter to every college she'd applied for. She hadn't asked for any of it. Brooke would just have taken the grades instead, but Krups had been a good man. He knew how much college had meant for her, and for her to get turned down would have been devastating. However, the blonde had pulled through on that too. Flying through law school on an excellence program. It's why she was sitting here as a top lawyer right now.  
  
''I understand where you're coming from, really I do. But still, George and Harrison? Why did they get involved in all of this? Surely you both knew it was wrong? If you had feelings for each other, why on earth say yes to those boys? And Sam...you're the journalist here. Everything you do, you do for the truth of it. You're so talented at what you do because you believe in the truth. But how can you, when you've been lying to Harrison for so long? I know your tendency to be impulsive and wild...one may say quirky. But this, it shocks me. From you it shocks me.''  
  
Leaning forwards on his desk as he took in their tale, he pictured how things could have started. And yes, he really did understand where they came from. What happened to Brooke had been eye opening. And she was right in saying that it was a harsh lesson. Two young girls that age could have done with something a little less traumatic. But it had been how things went. So they'd realised that things in the past had been petty, good for them. They'd gotten back together, good for them. Also, they'd gone to college together. Once again, good for them. But when it became something wrong was when they brought Harrison and George into the scenario. Neither one of them should have said yes to them, if they knew they were involved with each other. Even if they still didn't fully understand it. By that time, they were eighteen years told. And they were both smart girls. It wasn't as if working out that they shouldn't have gotten involved with anyone else was rocket science.  
And it was true that he couldn't help but be especially shocked at Sam. Yes, Brooke was the rational one. He would have expected her at least to stop it at some point, or call it quits with George sometime before it got too serious. But Sam, the paragon of truth? What was she thinking? She was so opinionated on people being honest, and it was a huge reason for being a journalist. It ran through her, Nate could tell. So how could she go for nine years lying? Denying the truth and really, leading Harrison into something that would hurt him? Because the truth was bound to come out at some point. It had today.  
  
''Please don't look at me like that okay? I don't know how it happened; I just know that it all got so complicated so fast. Harrison became a safety net, I've always known I loved Brooke but it scared me so I hid. I didn't mean for it to go like this, I didn't mean to be such a coward. All I know is that my world is upside down and has been for nine years because I'm in love with her.''  
  
Stopping dead after her guilty outburst, Sam felt like her entire being froze. Not daring to breathe or move, she just stopped. Only her ears rang with her words that she hadn't intended on saying. She wasn't supposed to say that. At least, not like this. But after nine years of keeping it in, after nine years of hiding it, maybe she was justified in saying it. It had been her time in Bali that she'd finally admitted it to herself. When she'd thought long and hard about what she was doing with her love life. Sure, at one point Harrison had been it for her. Life had been good and she was with the man of her dreams. Because Harrison was a good man. But she couldn't kid herself; things between them had started to fall apart. And not only because of her. They had begun to struggle, and Sam knew things about Harrison that he didn't know she knew. But still she'd stayed with him, because indeed he was her safety net. But Bali had made her accept a few things. She was a grown woman. She didn't need a safety net. Harrison wasn't the one for her, but Brooke was. If that meant she was a lesbian, so be it. Or bisexual, or whatever. She didn't care about the labels, and frankly she hadn't given them any thought. The only thing she had given thought was Brooke. And the fact she couldn't deny that she loved her anymore. That she had to stop being so scared, and at least break even with the blonde if not anyone else.  
The only thing was, she'd just splurted it out in the open. She knew Brooke was staring at her, and she knew Nate was staring at her. And even though she was terrified right now, so much that her heart was beating through her ears, she was glad she'd said it. Relieved, like some kind of weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It felt good to finally tell the truth. Something that she'd ignored for years. Why had it been so hard for her to accept that? And even harder to say it? Was she scared because it was Brooke? Was she scared because of the labels? She knew her family would be fine about this, that wasn't even a question. And any friend that didn't support her wasn't a true friend. But when it came down to it, she failed to understand why someone like her had been so intent on keeping it hidden from herself. Like Nate had said, she was the journalist. The one that went after the truth. Why had she hidden the fact she loved Brooke from herself? Even though she had, it wasn't as if having a nine-year affair with her wasn't the biggest hint in the world.  
And given it had been so long, did that mean that Brooke felt the same way? Or was she really in love with George, but got something from her that she couldn't from him? Brooke couldn't be that selfish and vindictive, could she? She couldn't possibly be using both of them for their best qualities to satisfy herself that just wasn't Brooke. That sounded something that Nicole would do. Not Brooke. Either which way, the blonde was certainly in the loop now. There was no taking back what the brunette had just said, so Sam decided not to wish she'd never said it. This was something she needed to do.  
  
''You...you love me?''  
  
Brooke repeated, finding the words refreshing. Still they were scary though. Her heart almost sang at knowing that Sam loved her, but she couldn't help but think of George. What did that mean? Did that mean she loved him and didn't love Sam? Or that she loved both of them? Or that she loved George, and Sam was just something she'd never been able to get out of her system? Confusing didn't cover it. And the headache was getting bigger by the second. But still, she couldn't ignore the fact that she was overwhelmed as she looked at Sam. She watched the brunette look at her after a few seconds of not moving at all, chocolate eyes glazed over slightly. God she was beautiful. That was another thing Brooke couldn't get past. How was she supposed to decide what to do? Or decide how she felt?  
  
''Yes, I love you Brooke.''  
  
The vulnerability held in the journalist's voice was nearly enough to break heart. It was so true, and so innocent. And she knew that her confession could bring everything crumbling down. But she'd said it, and she'd had to say it. Even if Brooke didn't feel the same way. If she ended up stopping this whole thing, Sam would at least know she finally told the truth. Both to herself and Brooke. And she'd end up respecting whatever decision she made. Although she'd pitch for them, of course. She wouldn't let Brooke go without a fight. If she were still intent on staying with George after that, Sam would respect that. And possibly move to Bali and lay low for the rest of her life!  
  
''Well, it seems that you both have a lot to talk about. Maybe you should go home, take the week off. I'll cover for you. So I don't expect to see either of you here until next Monday, you hear me?''  
  
Nate interrupted the silent look running between the pair. He saw both of their vulnerability. From Sam because she'd just admitted something so big, and from Brooke because she didn't know what to feel about that. He wasn't a stupid man, he'd seen a lot during his years. He knew that they'd need a fair while to try and sort this out. Although the best he could do was a week. He wasn't a miracle worker. He just wanted his friends to get things sorted. One way or the other, they needed to deal with what they'd been doing. And thinking about it now, he really could see them together. How he'd missed it before he had no idea. They were a couple that just went together. Yet, so it had seemed that Brooke and George were. Sam and Harrison too. Maybe it was because they were friends? Even so, the pair sat before him did seem to have that extra thing about them. Just that something you couldn't put your finger on but it was something you just didn't question because it seemed to fit so well. 


	2. Endlessly 2

3:00pm  
  
Sam smiled at the waitress as she placed her order down on the table in front of her. She was pretty, a blonde. She looked a little like Brooke actually. Sam cringed lightly, scorning herself for thinking it. She didn't want to think about anything that happened earlier, but it was the only thing she could think about. The happenings kept running around her head like a dog chasing its tail. ''Talk'' Nate had said, ''go and talk.'' He'd been a saint. Although making them talk about it there had been horrible, at least he'd managed to do the one thing they'd been avoiding since forever.  
Now though, were they talking? No, they were not. They weren't even in the same place. Sam found herself sitting in...actually she didn't know what this place was called. All she knew was that it had a dark, sullen ambiance and it served her particular brand of beer. Not very level headed but there you go. She needed to try and stop thinking, and she needed to get this whiplash of pain out of her head. If she didn't, she thought she might just have to go crazy instead. So, she smiled again at the waitress and looked at the glasses and bottle she'd set down. One bottle of Budweiser, one shot of vodka, one shot of tequila, and one shot of whiskey. Sam was aiming high with this. It was her third, maybe fourth round. She couldn't decide. It must've been the drink doing its job she supposed.  
Deciding to go with the whiskey first this time, Sam picked up the glass and poured it down her throat. After this many, it didn't even burn on the way down. Her head was already reeling, hazing over but still had the memory of that certain blonde in it. That certain blonde that never really responded to her confession. And that hurt. Sam understood she was confused, but it didn't make it any less painful. Why couldn't Brooke just have said it back, and then things at least would be that little bit simpler?  
The lawyer hadn't though. And after leaving Nate's office they'd separated to get their things. Brooke had said they should meet in the reception and Sam had agreed. Only to vanish. The journalist had used the back stairwells to leave the building pretty much undetected. She hadn't passed by many people, just one or two. Sure she'd received odd looks but who cared? She just knew that she couldn't go downstairs and face Brooke right now. Brooke who was going to glaze over the fact that she'd told her she loved her until she sorted things in her own head. Well, Sam had decided it was fine for Brooke to sort things out in her own head. Just that she didn't need to be there, sitting in torture. Instead, she'd opted on going and getting blind drunk. And so far, she was on target.  
As Sam put the empty whiskey class down on the table, she jumped slightly as her cell phone began to ring. Looking around calmly, she frowned as she tried to remember where she'd left it. Then, as if on cue she saw her jacket strewn over the chair by her side. Reaching for it, she fumbled in her pockets until she claimed the offending item. Blinking as she looked at it with concentration, she saw the name flashing up on the screen. Of course it would be Brooke. She'd either be pissed or worried. Or both. But Sam didn't want to deal with that right now. Instead, she just switched the phone off and slipped it back into her pocket. She needed her own time, just like Brooke needed hers.  
  
3:00pm  
  
After a long search for Sam, Brooke had figured that she'd skipped the building. The underhanded brunette had gone out the back way, because none of the security guys had seen her pass out the front. That was just great. They needed to talk and Sam had bailed. Brooke knew why. She knew that Sam thought she needed her own time. That she was confused about this whole love deal. But it wasn't up to her to choose whether they were to separate or not. Brooke had wanted to talk to Sam. She had a million questions. About her, about them, about Harrison. One particular thing that was bothering her was Harrison. Had he followed Sam to Bali? She'd gone on spur of the moment, which would of made it hard for him to go of course. But Brooke hadn't heard from him throughout Sam's entire vacation. Did that mean he was working over or sunning it up with Sam in Bali?  
In the rational part of Brooke's mind, she knew that it was common sense that he would go. He was her fiancé after all, and knowing Harrison he would have swapped shifts to high heaven so that he could go with her. And she was jealous of that. She didn't want him there with Sam, just like she didn't want him with Sam. Again, she wasn't sure what that meant. And this is why she thought she needed to talk about it. But in her almighty wisdom, Sam bailed, thinking that it would be easier for her to think. And she knew Sam was scared because she hadn't said anything back to her. She hadn't said she loved her, whether it was good or bad. She didn't give Sam anything either way. Brooke wished she'd have said something else. Something that might settle her mind even if it was just until they met up. Maybe if she had, Sam wouldn't have run off?  
The blonde found it frustrating. This was one side of Sam's spontaneity that she didn't appreciate. After everything that had happened, they at least needed to decide on an immediate course of action. Like when and where to meet. Although, that wasn't going to be a problem. George was away in Chicago, and he wouldn't be home until the day after tomorrow. He had some meeting with some football people that Brooke hadn't really listened to. Although she understood football, she didn't really understand the politics behind it. That was George's career. Just like he didn't know anything about being a lawyer. So, her house was free. But, as she threw her phone into the passenger seat of her car after she got cut off, Brooke didn't feel like going home. She sat in her car for a moment, screwing her eyes shut to try and clear her mind. Perhaps gain some clarity. She needed to talk, or to rant. Or kick the shit out of something. Either way, she couldn't stay here and she knew Sam wouldn't have gone home. Wherever she was, evidently she didn't want to face up to the conversations they needed to have. So, Brooke would allow her that time. Sooner or later Sam would call her, or appear at her door. So Brooke did the only thing she thought she could right now. She started her car, and decided to go to a man that was now her brother after the unexpected union between her Father and his Mother. She'd go and see Josh.  
  
5:13pm  
  
''You're drunk.''  
  
The flat, unimpressed tone of voice could signal to anyone that Carmen Farrera was not best pleased. She stood in the entrance of her doorway, eyebrow raised pointedly with her arms crossed over her chest. Dark brown eyes centred irritably on the brunette before her, but they weren't as hard as she meant them to be. Deep down, Carmen couldn't help but be somewhat concerned. She wondered why one of her oldest friends had turned up on her doorstep, so drunk that she couldn't even lift her head properly.  
Sam leaned heavily on the doorframe, her head resting on it too. It didn't help with the spinning though, no nothing seemed to be able to stop that. Though, the journalist felt she could handle it, just as soon as her thoughts were blocked out. Them she still didn't want to handle. She didn't want the past nine years going over and over in her head. She just wanted some peace, a little clarity. But no, the only thing she could think about was Brooke. So her mission had failed. She'd intended on getting blind drunk to forget, but instead she'd just plain got blind drunk.  
After the bartender had decided to cut her off, Sam had let the nice blonde waitress call her a cab. The brunette of course in her wisdom had said she was perfectly fine to drive. The waitress had just laughed and then in no uncertain terms told her that if she even set foot near her car then she'd break her arms. Shocked, but severely put in her place, Sam had agreed. It was unusual to find someone who actually cared. Most people wouldn't have given a damn if she got behind the wheel or not. But this waitress, Victoria, had cared. And she'd bundled Sam off into the cab and sent her on her merry way. She'd also given her a card for the bar, so that Sam would remember where she'd left her car. And the brunette couldn't be sure, but there might have been a home number on the back of it too. She'd have to check when she eventually got sober again.  
Not wanting to go home to a house that was filled with things to do with her and Harrison, Sam had decided to tell the driver to aim Carmen's way. She needed to rant. In her drunken haze, she hadn't really thought about the fact that Carmen wasn't expecting her, or the goings on between her and Brooke. And also in her drunken haze she didn't really think about her reaction either. To Sam right now, Carmen was just Carmen. Someone she could go and talk to and rely on like she always had. It didn't even occur to her that the brunette was on late shifts all this week.  
Trying to stand up straight, Sam wobbled forwards. Carmen leaped forwards and caught her friend by the shoulders, securing her in a firm grip. Now she really was worried. Sam didn't get like this. Ever. Sure she'd been drunk just like everyone else, but she didn't do this. She didn't do sitting somewhere in the middle of the day and getting so drunk that she couldn't even stand properly then turning up on someone's door. What had caused her to take such an action? And argument with Harrison? A debacle at work? Carmen didn't know right now, but she had the intention to find out.  
  
''Oh-kay, c'mon I've got you. Slowly now.''  
  
Sam leaned into Carmen heavily, and as she did the police officer found herself thankful for her light frame. Slowly walking backwards in front of Sam, she led her into the corridor and turned her gently to lean on the wall. Then, Carmen moved to shut the door. Turning back, she frowned in apprehension at the sight in front of her. Apprehension because whatever had caused Sam to go off on a daytime drinking spree must have been big. Looking into dull, chocolate eyes she could see a mix of emotions fighting for dominance. Fear, anger, pain, love, confusion and a few more that Carmen couldn't put her finger on. Sam had always been a bag full of enigmatic emotions. The brunette ran deeper than anyone expected, she knew that for definite. But right now it looked like that bag was open, and everything in her had risen to the surface. It wouldn't do for her mysterious and endearing character, but it wasn't doing to be kept shut either apparently. Though what had caused this shift was still eluding her, Carmen would of course help her friend as much as she could. Although Sam couldn't have picked a worse time to show up on her doorstep seeking help. She had to set off to work in just over thirty minutes, not really giving her that much time with her.  
Sighing as she moved forwards, Carmen took the cigarette that the brunette held between the fingers and opened the door again. Flicking it out onto the soil, she shut the door and turned. Next she took the bottle out of Sam's hand, wondering how the hell she'd managed to keep one after being in such a state. In fact, she had the frame of mind to find this bar and come down heavy on them for serving an obviously drunk woman. People had their limits, and Sam had clearly surpassed hers.  
  
''Sam, what happened? Hey, look at me. Tell me what's wrong.''  
  
Speaking firmly but warmly, she lifted Sam's chin up so she could try and get her to look at her properly. If she could at least get some kind of quick explanation, she would know how to handle this a little better. If something serious had happened, like someone was hurt or worse, or she'd broken up with Harrison then at least she'd know how to go about this. But as Sam looked at her, she seemed to fill up with everything. An abundant pain across her pale, beautifully simple features as she looked at the officer in front of her. Everything she wanted to say was right on her tongue, but she was being held back in saying it at the minute. Instead, her sad, soulful eyes began to well up. Moving forwards, she leaned on Carmen again and was relieved when her friend hugged her as she cried. She'd felt it coming, and now she just needed to get rid of it. The pressure of so much realisation and admittance had managed to crack her. And now she just needed to let go.  
  
5:30pm  
  
Brooke's delicate yet strong hands gripped her mug tightly. The coffee that had been inside of it warmed them, but now it was only half full. And she couldn't help but stare into the surface of the dark substance. Dark green eyes wondered through her thoughts slowly, taking her away from where she was sitting.  
The lawyer had done as intended and went to visit Josh. Upon her arrival at her brother's house, she hadn't been able to stop herself from proclaiming that she was having an affair. No 'hey how're you', no 'I thought I'd just drop by', simply 'I'm having an affair'. Josh to say the least was a little surprised. He knew Brooke very well, and he'd never pinned her to be one to cheat. But seeing the expression spilt across her face, she could see that it was more than that. There seemed to be a story written behind her eyes, and before he could judge her he had to know it. And now he did. Well, he knew some brief details. Brooke hadn't been here long enough to tell him everything. She'd just filled him in on the current situation, and some sparse details of what had been going on. Even though it wasn't everything, he understood. He was overwhelmed, but he'd tried to keep up with her as much as possible.  
  
''So do you?''  
  
Brooke looked up from starring at her coffee at Josh's interruption. The world around her had not only fallen silent, but the only thing in it had been the surface of her drink. She hadn't taken in a damn thing Josh had been saying. Feeling a little guilty, scene as she was at his house pouring out her heart, for ignoring him, she let herself come back to reality. Although that reality came back with a sickly tug to her stomach. She'd had it ever since Nate had showed them the security video, and the blonde didn't expect to loose it until this was all sorted out.  
  
''George, do you love him?''  
  
Josh, gaining the idea that Brooke didn't have a clue what he'd said due to her blank look and wondering eyes, cleared up the question. It was a simple enough thing in his mind. Either she did, or she didn't. But then, he guessed he was a simple guy. He'd been with one girl since he'd left high school, and that was Lily. He'd never turned his eye to anyone else, and didn't find any need to. So he couldn't really grasp the entirety of Brooke's situation. But, it had occurred to him that if the blonde had let this go on for nine years, she must have felt something for the brunette journalist. Then again, she'd let herself marry George, so she must have felt something for him too right? Okay, maybe it wasn't such a straight forwards question. Maybe the question should have laid in the fear department. Maybe she needed to accept a few things about herself before she could think about anybody else? After all, it happened. People got married for the wrong reasons or when they were scared of something bigger. Brooke could have married George to stop herself from accepting certain things.  
As Brooke frowned, opening her mouth but then stopping herself from responding, she was saved by the ringing of her phone. Turning her head towards her jacket, she looked at it as the ringing continued. It was as if she couldn't actually believe someone was calling her. Or she thought it was the jacket! Either way she looked at it for a moment before shaking her head and moving to fish the cell out of her jacket. She knew she'd frozen because she expected it to be Sam. And given that she'd only just blurted some of the story out to Josh she'd feel uncomfortable talking to her in front of him.  
  
''Hello? Hey Carmen. Yeah I...she what? When? Okay, no it's fine I understand. I'll be right there. Okay, bye.''  
  
Josh looked at the blonde as she finished her conversation with Carmen, wondering why Brooke looked so concerned. Although, she'd had pretty much the same expression since she'd arrived. He didn't particularly envy her situation. Stuck in between worlds almost. Having to choose between something you didn't properly understand yet. Although somewhere deep down Brooke had the answer to everything. She knew whom she loved, and what she needed to do. She'd find those answers eventually and she'd act appropriately on them. Josh just hoped it would be sooner rather than later for her sake.  
  
''Apparently Sam's drunk and passed out at Carmen's. I have to go pick her up; Carmen has to go to work and Sam's too bad to be left alone.''  
  
Brooke explained flatly as she rose from her seat and began to slip on her jacket. She didn't look at Josh, and she didn't think about what she'd have to encounter when she got to Carmen's. She was trying not to think about anything. She felt as if she needed to scream. Just to let something out. Or until the answer came to her. One thing she did know was that she was scared. She was scared that if she didn't love George, then it meant something about her. Maybe her mistake had been putting off what her attraction to Sam meant in school? Maybe if she'd sat down and thought about it then, none of this would be happening now? It would've been so much easier, if she'd just decided she was gay or bi back then. At least there wouldn't be this double life she was living. It was perfectly clear that this Sam thing wasn't a phase, unless you counted nine years as a phase that was. Maybe if she'd have decided then, she would never have married George and gotten herself into this mess. Or maybe she would have just accepted her sexuality, and she would have picked him over Sam anyway? If it was the confusion pushing her to live both lives, then she needed to decide what and who she was. Either way, someone was going to get hurt. Sam had already fallen apart and crawled into a bar. And she felt guilty for that, but she was mad too. What kind of answer was that right now? She'd felt like a stiff drink herself but it didn't mean she'd gone out and had so much she'd passed out.  
  
''Brooke? It's okay you know? If...if you love her. No one's gunna judge you, we just want you both to be happy. You need to think about whom and what's gunna do that, and I think deep down you know already. But I just want you to know that you know, if you're gay or whatever then it's cool.''  
  
Shrugging lightly with a fleeting smile, Josh departed both his wisdom and his blessing. It was true that George was his friend, but so was Sam. And Brooke had become his sister. He had to stay relatively neutral. But his main loyalty of course had to stick with Brooke. She'd been there for him so he wouldn't fail her now. And he did just want her to be happy. He knew as well as she did that someone would get hurt during this. But he really did just want her to be happy, if not with anything else but herself. And if that meant she was gay then he could deal with that. If that meant that she and Sam would end up more than friends...well more so than they already were, then he could deal with that too. He loved Sam too, and he respected her. She'd done a lot for Brooke and she was an all around great girl. Really, if Brooke had to choose any girl to be with then Josh couldn't pick a better one. Besides his own wife of course but she couldn't have her!  
Brooke moved forwards and hugged him tightly, relieved at what he'd said. Knowing that she had Josh's support made her mind a little lighter. Given that she was racked with fear, maybe it would shift some of it so she could see what was going on. What her real feelings were and what options they left to her. Right now she held a duty to Sam. She was partly responsible for her reaction and she intended to stand by her.  
  
5:50pm  
  
Brooke sighed and looked around as she knocked on Carmen's door. Her street was nice, it was quiet. A few of the kids were still playing out on one of the front lawns happily. Merrily going about their fun and games. She wished that she could be so carefree. Right now she wouldn't mind reverting back to childhood for a while, surrounded by innocence and laughter. Though the blonde realised that her childhood had been painful too. Her Mother had abandoned her and it had sent a world of problems into motion for her. Brooke didn't colour her childhood sad, not all of it. She'd had her happy times. Mostly due to her Father. He'd done his best and she loved him for that. But part of Brooke would always feel cheated out of a regular childhood. And she knew part of her would never forgive her Mother. If she ever met her again. The lawyer seriously doubted she would. The woman had never made contact with her and she wasn't about to either. As far as she was concerned, she had a Mother now. She'd been happy, after the awkwardness had passed that was, that her Dad had gotten together with Josh's Mom. Sure, they'd already been splitting up when it had happened and Josh had started to see Lily shortly after. But it was still an odd situation. Her ex boyfriend was now her brother. This was someone she'd slept with, so there had been an adjustment time. But the pair of them had moved on from it, and their friendship had dropped into that of a brother and sister relationship.  
She wondered for a moment what her Dad would say about all of this. She had the inkling that it would be the same as Josh. Although he wouldn't be best pleased about how she'd gone about this whole thing. The affair and keeping secrets. He'd be disappointed in her for that. But at the end of the day Brooke knew that he'd just want the best for her, and if that turned out to be Sam then so be it. He liked Sam, and he'd gotten to know her a lot when she'd been helping her through recovery. Brooke had noticed that he and Sam had formed this...friendship one could say. She didn't know quite what it was. But they had always been friendly, and they had no problem talking to one another. Just like she had no problems talking with Jane. Maybe they'd both chosen each other's parents to fill some kind of void in their life? Brooke had always felt void of a Mother, and Jane had somewhat filled that. Maybe Sam felt the same way about Mike. Although now both were married off to great significant others.  
  
''Brooke, good.''  
  
Brooke jumped back into reality again as Carmen opened the door abruptly. Brooke turned to smile at her faintly, wondering if she was about to get a verbal accosting. Considering Sam's current state, Carmen may have blamed Brooke for being so cold towards her. Or she just might have plain blamed her. She wasn't too sure about Carmen's reaction. She'd been Sam's friend for years, so she'd been there every time she had hurt Sam. Brooke wouldn't blame her for being protective and mad. But then, Carmen was a fairly easygoing person. She might have just taken the news just as well as Josh had.  
Right now though, she looked more flustered and rushed than anything else. Of course, there was residual worry too, something that Brooke shared. The brunette was all ready in her uniform; hair tied back and up like it normally was for work. It still seemed odd to Brooke that Carmen was a police officer. She'd pretty much shocked everyone with that revelation. She hadn't told anyone she was trying to get in until she'd been accepted. She just seemed far too passive for it. But since high school, Carmen had found her balance. Yes, she was a laid back person but there was a line. Carmen tended to be fair, and she tended to be the voice of reason too. And Brooke had seen her in action and she'd had to admit that the police career really seemed to suit her friend.  
  
''I'm sorry I took so long, traffic got backed up. Are you late?''  
  
The blonde wondered regretfully. She'd tried to her best to hurry along, but there'd been some kind of problem on the road here. An accident or something. It had backed the other drivers up pretty good, and not a lot of them had been happy. Still, she'd made it in twenty minutes, and hopefully she'd made it in time for Carmen to just get in on time. The officer waved her in quickly, shutting the door after she had. Then, she gestured down the hall as a signal for her to follow.  
  
''Not yet, I might just make it. I feel like I'm pawning her off or something.''  
  
The brunette responded, a heavy sigh of guilt following. She wanted to be here for Sam. She wanted to spend all night talking about what it was that had upset her. The only thing she'd managed to get out of her is that she felt lost and things were falling in on herself. It didn't make sense. Sam was so self aware, so together. She had her career that she adored, and she was happy where she lived and with Harrison too. Why would she all of a sudden begin to feel lost? What was it that was falling in on top of her? If she really did feel like that, then she was a good actress. The darker brunette gave the impression that she was happy and in control. Sure, her job was demanding but that's why she liked it. Sam wasn't the kind to just sit docilely behind a desk or something. She wanted more from her job. And she'd always had a passion for journalism. It was who she was. She rose to the pressure.  
It left Carmen wondering if everything was truly okay with her friend's relationship. Whether she and Harrison were having problems and hadn't told anybody. It was their privilege; they were the couple at the end of the day. What happened within their relationship was theirs and no one else's. But it was still odd that neither of them would say something. After Harrison's illness and Brooke's accident, the group had become pretty tight. They'd taken their ups and downs together since then so they were all pretty close. Both of them had talked over problems with them before, and had ranted about fights they'd had in the past. So it would confuse Carmen if they were going through something serious silently.  
  
''You're not pawning her off Carmen; it's not your fault you're on duty tonight. Did erm...did she tell you what happened?''  
  
Brooke cast a warm glance at her friend as they walked through into the living room. The only sound to be heard was the passed out journalists quiet breathing from where she was laid out. Carmen had plopped her onto the couch, deciding that she'd rather not heft her up the stairs to the bedroom. Sam was light but she'd been difficult to handle drunk, so Carmen had opted for the easiest option.  
Now, the police officer and the lawyer rounded the room so they were stood in front of the couch, both standing and looking at the brunette. She'd fallen asleep on Carmen's shoulder, and since then she'd been laid out comfortably. Carmen had even put a blanket over her just to make sure she was warm and comfortable. Her friend, even in sleep, looked so vulnerable. It's why she felt guilty for having to go. Obviously she needed someone to talk to, or to rant to or cry over like she had. And she desperately wanted to be that person. But she couldn't be, she had to work. She loved her job, but just this once she wished she didn't have it.  
  
''No...she just turned up so drunk she could hardly lift her head. She said something about feeling lost and that things were falling in on her. Oh, and that she may have made a huge mistake. The rest of the time she just cried. Muttered a few things I couldn't make out. Apart from you. I didn't hear what she said but I heard your name, that's why I called you instead of Harrison.''  
  
Carmen turned to face Brooke as she answered, but Brooke just stared at Sam. Her heart sank at the look on her face. There were even still some tear marks smeared down her skin. Brooke couldn't deny that she just wanted to take it all away from the brunette. She knew a large part of her just wanted to scream that she loved her back and that they should be together. But then the other part stopped her and thought about George. And that's when the fear and confusion set in. She kept asking herself whether she really loved her husband. And she couldn't answer it yet. That was a scary thought. Because if she couldn't say yes, then she knew it meant she couldn't love him. The thing was, she couldn't answer when she asked herself if she loved Sam either.  
  
7:34pm  
  
''Where am I?''  
  
Sam wondered looking around. Brooke took the empty water glass from the brunette and placed it onto the bedside table lightly; satisfied now that Sam had taken the painkillers she'd given her. It had felt like she'd been asleep for hours, and that Carmen's house had seemed like yesterday. And sitting in the dark bedroom, silent with just a lamp and Sam's breathing, had felt like they were the only people left on the planet.  
Now though, Sam was awake and she was confused. The brunette hadn't been expecting to wake up with her there. Actually, Brooke didn't know what Sam had been expecting. She didn't know how much of anything she remembered. For all she knew, she could've woken up slumped in that very same bar. That was what Brooke was really mad at. That she'd gotten into such a state that her personal safety had been jeopardised. But the softer side of her could understand what had caused it. And at the end of the day, Sam was safe.  
  
''At my house.''  
  
The blonde responded softly. She watched as Sam looked around a little more, like a small curious kitten after coming into a new home. She still looked vulnerable, Brooke saw that much. However much Sam tried to hide it. The journalist was probably trying to feign indifference, hoping that Brooke wouldn't talk about what happened and what she'd said so they could move on from it. Even when the reality was that they couldn't move on from it unless they talked about it. Damned if they did, damned if they didn't. It was looking pretty much that way. There were so many questions that Brooke reasoned that she should pick the significant ones out, and start with those. But for the moment, she just watched Sam silently.  
Turning to look at the blonde now, Sam narrowed her eyes towards her. Running her tongue over her lips as she drew in a breath to rephrase her question, Sam ran her hand through her hair. She already knew she was in Brooke's house. Despite having no recollection of getting here, Sam still knew. Whatever had happened between the bar and Brooke was a mystery, but there was only one thing disturbing her right now. And to punctuate her question, she flailed her hand in the air slightly, squeezing her thumb and finger together.  
  
''Yes but where in the house am I?''  
  
The brunette rephrased, spinning her hand in a small circle as she tried to point out what she meant. She would have thought Brooke would have picked it up in her question. Thought she'd have noticed the look of recognition in her eyes as she'd woken up. The lawyer was much quicker than that. Although Sam didn't really expect her to be a lawyer right now. She looked a little dishelved and heavy hearted, dark green eyes almost pleading. Sam didn't like that. She didn't like seeing her so down. But there wasn't anything she could do right now. There were things to say and to be done first. She had no idea how to start them, but she still knew they had to come. And she had to give Brooke the time and space to work things out for herself. Without ending up in some bar.  
As she'd looked around the room though, it was too dark to figure out where she was exactly. All she knew was that she was in a bed, there was a nightstand next to it and also the chair Brooke had been sat in. That's all she could make out. Whether it was because her eyes were a little soar or just because it was too dark, she didn't know. But her heart seemed to speed up a little bit, as her throat tightened significantly, at the thought of which bed she may have been in. Waking up to that wasn't one of her wishes. She didn't want to be in Brooke's bedroom. It was bad enough that she had ended up with her, never mind being shoved in a bed Brooke shared with her husband. Sam just didn't feel like she would've been able to deal with that if it was the case. It made her feel sick that Brooke lived here, let alone got into bed every night with a man that was supposed to be her friend. It didn't say too much about her, she didn't think. None of this did. She'd done everything wrong, and she'd let herself do everything wrong. But that didn't mean what she felt wasn't real. It didn't mean that she wasn't allowed to be jealous, and it didn't mean that she wasn't allowed to not want to be in their room.  
  
''Oh...no, you're in the guest room.''  
  
Eventually catching on, Brooke held up her hands and shook her head immediately. Eyes widened at the thought of the same thing Sam was hinting at. She'd never do that. Brooke didn't want that world to cross either. She knew how it would've made Sam feel, and she knew how it would've made her feel. She was having an affair. She had been for years, but there were some boundaries she couldn't cross. And not just for George, but for Sam and herself too.  
The blonde wondered for a moment what it would be like if she didn't have to wake up to her husband. Instead of waking up to George, she'd wake up to Sam. Which she'd done, many a time. But would it feel different? If they were together, would waking up in the same bed every morning feel different than it had before? Would they wake up draped over one another like they had so many times before? In an intimate and loving embrace, that was the softest and most comfortable place on earth? Would it still work like that?  
Shaking her head visibly, Brooke stopped her thoughts in their tracks. This wasn't one of the more significant questions that she needed to answer first. Or was it? Daydreaming about being involved with Sam, waking up with her. Wasn't that a question of love? Didn't it go a way to showing her what she wanted? Or was it just a wonder? For every question she had there came a million more. How was she supposed to win?  
  
''Good. You want to tell me how I got here? And call me a cab?''  
  
The journalist wondered, scowling ever so slightly as her voice took on a harsher tone. The questions didn't really come out like questions. More like a firm demand that was forged as a question. And ones that were defiant. Like she really thought that she could go. Maybe simply because she didn't want to do this with a hang over, although she didn't feel as bad as she would have expected to. There was a distinct throbbing in her head, and her body felt somewhat weak and achy, but she'd expected to feel as though she was dying after the amount she'd drunk.  
  
''I'll tell you how you got here Sam, but you're not going anywhere. You ran from me once today you're not doing it again.''  
  
Brooke folded her arms, giving a good scowl of her own. She took on the same commanding tone that she used with some of the other lawyers that were trying to push her over from other companies. And she knew it worked with scorning people. Including Sam. And considering that she looked like a little puppy that had just learnt its lesson she guessed that it had worked again.  
Sighing lightly, Sam grumbled and shrugged. It had been worth a try. Doing this after a thousand years of sleep and a good shower might have been nice though. And what really did they have to talk about? She'd made her feelings perfectly clear. She'd told Brooke she loved her. Didn't she know that meant she wanted her? With no George and no Harrison as cover anymore?  
  
''Fine, whatever.''  
  
Adjusting her position a little, Sam folded her arms too. Her mind was still a haze of blankness so she figured she might as well hear what had happened. She needed to know if she'd done anything stupid.  
  
''After you're little sneaky underhanded flee from work, you went to some bar called Dopples. Some waitress, Victoria, left you a card in your pocket. To remind you where your car is because she wouldn't let you drive. Thank god for small mercies. There's her number on here too. Anyway, you ended up at Carmen's door. She called me because she had to go to work and I came and picked you up. After that, obviously I brought you here. You were awake but still drunk. Ended up with your head down the bowl too. I made you drink some of 'the recipe' and take some painkillers, hoping it would help when you woke up next. I got you changed, put you in bed and this is where you know the rest.''  
  
Brooke couldn't help but point out that Sam's disappearance had been underhanded. Giving her a pointed gaze to show how mad and hurt she was, she watched the brunette frown and look away for a moment as she rubbed the back of her neck. Good, so she should feel guilty. At least Brooke knew the journalist knew she'd done wrong. There was nothing to be done about it now, but she did want Sam to acknowledge that it had been a mistake.  
Continuing on with her summary of events, she handed the card to the brunette. It had fallen out of her pocket as Brooke had been getting her changed, and lent her some relief that at least someone had been making sure Sam didn't drive. Even though she had split feelings about this Victoria waitress. On one hand, she quite possibly may have saved Sam's life. Not letting her drive and calling her a cab. On the other, she'd left her home number with a 'call me' next to it. Who was she to hit on her? And had Sam been playing up to that? Brooke didn't know, and she wasn't best pleased about it. Sam was taken.  
Frowning at herself for a moment, Brooke realised what she'd just been thinking. Sam was taken. By her. She was jealous. Jealous that some woman had been moving in on her territory. She never got jealous with George. He had so many women hitting on him and she didn't rise to jealousy once. But as soon as one waitress leaves a number on a back of a card she goes all green-eyed monster? What was with that?  
Sam just looked at the card numbly, turning it in her hand. Chocolate brown eyes seemed to drop a little distant, back into the darkness of her mind as she tried to shine some light on it. She had absolutely no memory of being given the card. And no memory of her wanting to drive home either. There was a hazy and distorted memory of this Victoria though; friendly blonde had been serving her. Sam guessed that she must have been her waitress all the time she was there. Brooke didn't seem too happy about it she'd noticed. A hint of jealousy and coldness washed over her for a moment. That was good. Sam reasoned that it must have provoked something in Brooke to make her realise that she didn't want anyone else sniffing around her.  
And now she knew why she didn't feel as bad as she'd have expected to. Back in college when the four of them had been going to an endless amount of parties and clubs, they'd invented a drink that they simply called 'the recipe'. It held a number of ingredients, and it didn't taste fantastic, but it sure helped with hangovers. Sam couldn't remember how they'd come across it now. Maybe after combining things that they'd been told that would be good for having so they wouldn't be in a world of hurt they'd found the right combination. It didn't really matter though, what mattered is that it did its job. And she was thankful that Brooke made her drink some of it. Otherwise she probably would have woken up and thought she was about to die.  
  
''Thanks. So...what erm...where do we go from here?''  
  
Looking back up at Brooke, she quirked an eyebrow to go with her question. A good, heavy question that she had a feeling Brooke didn't know the answer to. Someone had to set the ball rolling, but with what was a hard one to answer. She was dubious of starting, still feeling vulnerable for earlier. Her little confession had been quite enough for the moment, until Brooke started to make a path she could walk down.  
  
''Did Harrison go to Bali with you?''  
  
The blonde asked quickly. She looked surprised at herself; obviously she hadn't meant to ask that as directly as it had come out. And it surprised Sam too. The journalist didn't know what she'd been expecting, but it wasn't that. Obviously it had been weighing on the blonde's mind. Probably ever since she'd gone away. Sam felt a little guilty for feeling that was a good thing too. Even though it probably would have driven the lawyer insane. At least Sam knew Brooke had been thinking about it. Wondering if Harrison was getting to be with her when she couldn't. Again it went in the cause towards them, rather than her and George. If she was thinking about her for three weeks, then she wasn't thinking about George too much.  
Leaning sideways lightly, Sam picked up the packet of cigarettes and the lighter that Brooke had put on the nightstand. Silently, with a few glances up at the blonde, the journalist began to get one out. Did it really mean hat Brooke had been wondering all the vacation, or was it just a thought occurring to her now? And what would it matter? Brooke had to deal with her being with Harrison everyday anyway, what would a holiday do to differ that? Was it so important? Or was it the fact that he could go instead of her bugging her? Sam wasn't quite sure. Maybe Brooke was trying to weigh out what it is she was feeling. Maybe she was putting certain things into different corners of her mind so she could deal and understand them a lot easier and better.  
  
''No. No he couldn't get the time off.''  
  
Finally, Sam answered. After she'd lit the cigarette and taken a drag, she responded to the question posed. Brooke seemed to have been sitting at full attention, as if it were the question to decide all things. A flicker of relief seemed to shoot through her eyes. Sam frowned lightly, wondering why it was so important right now. But she wasn't Brooke. She only had her mind to see, not the blonde's. Either way, the fact that she seemed relieved must have been good.  
Brooke sighed, running a hand through her hair and then reached forwards for the pack too. She knew Sam was watching her with a surprised expression as she lit up, but she didn't care. The lawyer reasoned that if Sam could smoke right now then so could she. Both of them had had a brief period of smoking through college. Every now and again they'd still do it, but they'd kicked the habit a long while back. Now though, the lawyer granted herself the go ahead. This wasn't exactly normal circumstances.  
  
''Sam, I'm sorry for earlier. I should have said something when you said that erm...when you told me you loved me. I was inconsiderate.''  
  
Brooke looked towards her chocolate-eyed lover apologetically with remnants of guilt smeared across her thoughtful face. Running her hand through silky blonde hair again, she inhaled the smoke and then let her eyes flutter away from Sam for a second, before returning. She could see that the other woman appreciated the gesture. A small sliver of relief seemed to sweep through her eyes as Brooke apologised and acknowledged that she'd told her. Each of them knew though that the lawyer hadn't intently meant to be hurtful. She'd just been in shock. Though Brooke still felt the need to say it, to give Sam that gesture of respect before they went any further.  
  
''Thank you, I appreciate that. I'm sorry too. For acting like an ass, I should never have gotten myself into this state. By far the worst thing to do right now. I was inconsiderate too. Brooke, I don't know what to say or do here. I don't know what we're doing or how we let things progress this far. All I know is that we both need to be brutally honest with each other because something has to change. I had a lot of time to think in Bali, and all I could think about was you. Why it's taken me this long to realise it I don't know. But I do love you, and I think we'd be so good together. Nine years Brooke, evidently there's something special between us. I don't know why I started seeing Harrison, or why I stood back and let you marry George. And I don't know how to get out of this without hurting anyone. All I know is that I'm happiest when I'm with you. That when you look at me, or smile at me, or touch me, my heart skips and my breath catches. No one has ever made me feel like you make me feel, and no one knows me like you do. I know it's a lot for you, but I can't just sit back and not say anything anymore. I want you. I want an us. I want to do all the stupid couple stuff, and I want the chance to grow old with you. I know I could make you happy. I know I could take care of you. And I know that I'll love you for the rest of my life.''  
  
Well if there had been any doubt before, there sure wasn't now. Leaning forwards slightly, Sam departed with the truth that she'd suggested they share. She hadn't made a conscience decision to confess to all of that, but she meant what she said about not being able to not say anything anymore. She was standing up for maybe the biggest part of her life here. She didn't want there to be any miscommunications, no more fear or dishonesty. She wanted Brooke, and she wasn't going to deny that to herself or anyone else anymore. Her feelings had made her decision. And this whole situation was like a war. The only choice Sam had was to fight for herself. And she intended on doing that. At least then she'd have been honest. If nothing else came out of this, at least she could say that.  
Her chocolate brown eyes had been locked into Brooke's for every word. Those glorious, penetrating green eyes swirled as she'd taken in every word spoken. Sam felt like she could die in those eyes. Happily so. There didn't seem to be an end to them, just forever went on beautifully. And they'd glazed over. They'd filled and filled until there was no more room and then finally the tears had begun to role down pale, soft skin.  
Leaning forwards a little more, Sam outstretched her free hand and began to carefully wipe away the tears from Brooke's face. The lawyer felt as if her heart was trying to decide what to do. She felt as if it didn't decide soon and tell her the answers, then it may just have imploded within her chest. The sincere, loving confession from Sam made Brooke tremble. In one respect, she'd never felt happier. Having the journalist say it like that, voice thick with feeling, was the most amazing thing in the world. And for a brief moment, Brooke was happy. Her head wasn't pounding with a thick fog anymore. Questions weren't screaming at her, nagging away at her with doubts and fear. She felt at peace. Felt as though the rest of her life was now secure in the hands of the girl in front of her.  
It was only a brief moment though. Her own mind didn't let her escape for that long. The fog quickly gained back its overwhelming power and clouded her mind, heart and judgement again. How was she supposed to make a decision if she couldn't see? Constantly she reminded herself about George. About her life with George. He'd been an unexpected turn in her life. When he'd first arrived on the scene, back in school, he'd set out to date Sam. All they had been was friends through Josh. Brooke had watched as George had asked Sam out, and the brunette had accepted the offer. But their interest in one another had been short lived. Apparently, they weren't compatible. They'd declared that friends was all they could ever be, and George had turned his attention onto the blonde.  
Things had worked out oddly in school. Everything that Brooke had held onto had been turned over on its head. The people she thought she'd hated, she now loved. And the people she thought she once loved, she now hated. Confusing just wasn't the word of it. It seemed to her that she was doomed to live her life in bewilderment. Was it some kind of curse? Had her Mother leaving started that horrible little ball rolling? It sure felt like it because not once had she saw her future playing out like this. Just like she'd never expected to marry George. When he'd first arrived at school, he'd been interested in Sam not her. In fact, they'd hardly been friends. Not until she'd broke down in front of him. Her feelings had overpowered her, and the poor football player had been there to witness it. So she'd confessed to him that she was finding it hard to accept her Dad's union with Josh's Mom. She'd explained that even though she knew she didn't truly love him, it was still hard to be shoved into siblinghood only a short while after they'd had to break up. It was hard living under the same roof, and hard to see him with Lily. She hadn't known why exactly, because she wanted him to be happy and she thought Lily was a nice enough girl.  
Brooke wondered if that's where it had all gotten started. She mused on her Dad's relationships. She remembered, long ago, him telling her that he was going to dinner with Jane. Brooke only remembered that because she'd panicked about the two of them starting something. They couldn't do that, not when she and Sam were involved in one way or another. Well, they were either involved or feuding with one another. Either way, it wasn't a good thought of their parents hooking up. But that hadn't how it had turned out. Mike and Jane were just good friends. They'd been going out to dinner and that because they'd been supporting one another through single parenthood. And then Mike had set Jane up with Marc, just before he'd started seeing Josh's Mom.  
George just somehow had gotten close to her. She'd valued him as a friend, and she'd been well aware of his growing affections for her. Back then the blonde had hesitated to get involved with anyone. She'd been too pre-occupied trying to figure out what it was she felt for Sam. And despite whether they were arguing or not, Brooke knew there was something irresistible about the other girl. Something she just couldn't get past. So she'd kept things simple with George, and let the complications with the other girl continue. Of course though, then came the day that had changed her life. The day Nicole Julian got drunk and gotten behind her wheel. Brooke knew that Nicole knew what she'd been doing. Just because she'd been drunk didn't meant she hadn't meant to mow her down. Sam had even seen that. Her former best friend though, unwittingly changed the rest of her life. Brooke despised her for it, but still she had to wonder what would have happened if Nicole had left things well enough alone. She wondered what would have happened between Sam and her. Would they have ended up at the same college after their fallout? Would she have married George anyway and lived out happily with him without even thinking of having an affair? Or would Sam still be in the picture? She had no idea. And there wasn't much of a point thinking about it. What happened had happened. She'd been hurt, and Sam had been there to see her through. Displaying the kind of devotion that Brooke had never seen before. Or since. Never the less, she'd floated into some sort of denial in college and let herself get involved with George. Just like Sam had with Harrison. This was all their fault, and now that it needed to be sorted out she was running scared.  
  
''I love you Brooke.''  
  
Brooke, even in her heavy-duty thinking, hadn't peeled her eyes away from Sam. She'd remained staring into them, letting herself be lost in the past. Maybe she could find an answer there? Maybe she could find something to help her clear this fog and see what it was she wanted and felt? After all, the past was where it had all started. Surly it must have held the answers. Whether it did or didn't, she wasn't sure. Because her mind came back to the present and she felt Sam's hand on her face, softly wiping her tears away. And she whispered now. Whispered that she loved her again, making sure she was driving that point home. And again, Brooke felt like her heart wanted to sing. She felt peaceful and satisfied. But on the other hand, her heart wanted to break. It didn't have an answer for the journalist, and that hurt. It didn't have an answer for anything; it only told the lawyer that she was perplexed.  
Brooke let Sam brush her lips against hers softly in one simple kiss. The tenderness of it gave Brooke a little serenity for a second, taking away her tension and pain. That's all it took. For Sam to kiss her once and she felt like she was floating. She'd never felt anything like it before. She'd never had such devotion, even from George, than Sam's. She'd never been able to talk to anyone like she could Sam. She never felt so comfortable, or so loved with anyone else but Sam. No one else had satisfied her in every way. Yet still, she didn't have her answer. Her doubt and her fear of what that answer was refused to budge. She faced all kinds of people everyday. Her job was to argue out points of law with people that were older, more experienced and meaner than she was. Yet she still faced them, and she still used everything she had about her to win. Why couldn't she face herself now?  
  
''I don't know how we let things get this far either Sam. I feel like I fell asleep in the bathtub. Like suddenly I've woken up and the water is so far above my head. I feel as though I'm a stranger in my own damn life. You have no idea how much I want to be able to say that I love you back...''  
  
Exploding into a new batch of tears, Brooke shook as she pulled back slightly and wiped aggressively at her own tears. Trembling she lifted up her cigarette and inhaled deeply. She saw how hurt Sam looked. Like she'd just been slapped in the face. Like she'd just had a knife driven through her heart. For a moment she remained that way, just blinking like she'd just been gutted. Dark chocolate eyes rapidly trying to keep up with what was happening, and what she was thinking.  
  
''Then say it Brooke. Stop thinking about all the shit in your head and say it. Do you love me?''  
  
The journalist demanded firmly. As if it were that easy. Just push everything out, Brooke really hadn't thought of that one! She'd been trying to do that all day. Probably all these years too. She'd tried to face herself, face her demons. But she'd never succeeded. They always taunted her, keeping anything real just out of her grasp. The lawyer would swear it was that that was going to kill her one-day. She'd either go crazy or just down right explode if she didn't manage to figure her life out.  
  
''I don't fucking know! Alright? I don't know. I want to. I want to look past everything in my head and see the truth. I've never felt about anyone else the way I feel about you, okay? But right now, I can't swear to you that I'm in love with you Sam. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, which I know I've done. But I can't lie. You were right; we need to be brutally honest. And the truth of it is I don't know how I feel. About you or about George. And I'm so scared right now, because I know something is going to change. And I don't want to loose you. I don't want you to hate me I don't think I could cope with that. But I...I need more time. I need to talk to George; I can't just make a decision without including him. Like it or not he's my husband. He counts. Just like Harrison counts. God, these are our friends Sam. What've we been doing to them? What've we been doing to ourselves?''  
  
Sam wasn't expecting the sudden outburst from the woman in front of her. Brooke wasn't usually the kind of person to just explode in such a way. Sure, it had been known to happen. But as a lawyer, she'd been trained not to explode. To strategically look over the facts and weigh them up properly, then use them. It was a shame she couldn't do that now. Just look over the evidence and all the facts and come to a conclusion. If feelings only worked that way. But they didn't, and Brooke was as confused as hell. Sam begrudged her understanding about that. It wasn't like they'd had the simplest life so far. She was still a little rough around the edges too. But it still hurt to hear Brooke say that. To say that she couldn't swear that it was love. Of course it would hurt.  
Pushing the lump in her throat down, and refusing to let her eyes glaze more than they already had, Sam leaned forwards and wrapped Brooke up into a hug. She may have been hurting, and she may have felt the most vulnerable than any other time in her life, but she still couldn't see Brooke like this. Fundamentally, beneath anything else, they were friends. And a good friend couldn't just watch the other explode like that. She wanted the blonde to know that she was still there. Reassure her that it was okay, even though it wasn't. Sam wanted an answer, and she wanted the right one. She didn't want to include George, or Harrison. She didn't want to admit that they counted in this too, and she didn't want to give Brooke anymore time. What she wanted was to be with the lawyer. For her to say she loved her back, and then everything else would fall into place. She'd break up with Harrison, Brooke would leave George and they could live together happily for the rest of their lives. That wasn't going to happen though. It was never going to happen. Someone was going to get hurt eventually. And it was Brooke that was swinging the rock above their heads. Whether it landed on her or George all depended on whom Brooke really wanted to be with. And at the moment, it was looking grim for her.  
  
''Hey, it's okay. I get it Brooke, I do. You're not going to loose me okay? Look, I think we need think about things by ourselves for a while. And you do need to talk to George, I know you respect him too much not to and so do I. You have your time Brooke. Just...don't think about it as dealing with friends. Not even me okay? Don't think about any of that, or what people will say. All you need to think about is you. Just think about what you want, and what will make you happy. Because at the end of the day, that's all I want. I just want you to be happy with whatever decision you make. Okay?''  
  
Sniffling constantly as she still trembled, Brooke listened to Sam's heartening voice. How could she be so understanding, so compassionate after what she'd just heard? Then again, that was Sam. Striving to be the greatest friend she could be. Brooke wondered how the brunette had things so worked out. She seemed to calm, like she knew everything. Was that true? Did she have everything sorted out in her head? Or was it an act? Was she just as frenzied as she?  
Either way, those chocolate brown eyes sparkled as they looked into green ones encouragingly. A small, lop sided smirk graced her lips as she nodded faintly. The journalist brushed some blonde strands of hair back behind Brooke's ear as she stared at her. Sam felt a huge pang of worry settle into her stomach. Worry and fear. But not what she'd been feeling before. No, this was much worse. She had the worry that this was the last time she'd be able to do this. Like the rock was seriously hanging over her head and the rope was getting weaker. It made her feel sick, but she couldn't show that to Brooke. She needed to make her own choices, without knowing that if she picked George then it would gut her. It wasn't fair to put that kind of pressure on her. Sam had been honest in saying she just wanted her to be happy. If that included staying with her husband, then she'd have to accept that.  
  
8:41am  
  
"Sam?"  
  
Harrison John stopped rinsing the shampoo out of his hair as he heard the bathroom door being opened and closed. Turning his head slightly, trying to peer through the frosted and foggy glass, he reasoned that Sam must have gotten home. Failing to see her through the glass of the stand in shower, Harrison assumed that the brunette must have passed through, leaving him to his shower. Grunting lightly, he turned around into the spray again and rubbed his hair to get out the remaining shampoo.  
  
"Hey baby."  
  
Harrison jerked slightly at the unexpected voice. Turning around quickly as his heart raced, his doe brown eyes settled upon his fiancée. He hadn't even heard Sam open the door to the shower. And come to think of it, now that he was listening properly, he could hear music. So that's what she'd been doing? The journalist was sneaky, he gave her that. And he wasn't sure why his heart was racing like it was. It wasn't like he didn't know it was Sam. Who else lived here and stepped into the shower with him?  
Letting a smile slide onto his lips as Harrison recovered from his brief shock, he regarded the woman in front of him. The girl he'd never thought he'd get. After she'd turned him down back at Kennedy, he thought he'd never love again, that his life was over, and his heart would bleed forever more. He'd been wrong, on so many levels. Now he had her. He had Sam McPherson. He'd given her that ring on her finger. A promise of marriage. He got to be the man he'd always wanted to be for her.  
  
"Hey, you're home late."  
  
He observed lightly, raising an eyebrow at the look she was giving him. Harrison had known Sam for a very long time. They'd grown up together, there wasn't too much he didn't know about her. Of course, being the kind of woman she was, she still had her mysteries. Harrison didn't think she'd be complete without them. He knew that he'd never be able to understand Sam completely. He thought that if anyone did, they'd probably lose interest. Sam wasn't the kind of woman you wanted to know every detail about. She was the kind of woman that you wanted to have an edge, a mystery that was cryptic and enigmatic. It was partly the reason she had so much charm.  
Now though, he wanted to work out what that look was, pooled in her deep, chocolate eyes. She'd never regarded him with such a look before. He'd never seen such a well of peculiar emotions open for him to see like that. And he certainly didn't know what was causing them. Given that Sam was one to keep her air of mystery, he doubted that she would give him much of a chance to find out. If it were anything overwhelming to her, she'd probably have told him after he'd finished showering. Or, if it were anything bad he'd know it by now. So, the nurse wasn't too worried about it.  
Sam felt so awake. So hyper-aware of everything running through her. Including the pain, both physical and emotional. The day had been a complete roller coaster ride. And it had started out like any normal day. She'd woken up early to find Harrison sleeping heavily after a night shift at the hospital. She'd been careful not to wake him as she'd slipped out of bed. She knew that it was the first day she'd been able to see Brooke again, so wanting to clear her mind, she'd gone for a run. If only she'd known then what she knew now. The elevator, the security camera. Nate. And then everything else too. The talk, the bar, the next talk. It felt like her roller coaster was plummeting towards the ground without any sign of stopping.  
Pushing everything down into the bottom of her stomach, Sam battled to feel indifferent about it all. Just shove it all away so she didn't have to think about anything. She'd left Brooke's house with one thought in her mind; the lawyer was going to stay with George. Sam didn't know how she knew, but she did. Somewhere deep inside of her Brooke loved George. What they had been doing was the confusing part. It hurt like hell, and the journalist didn't think she could take much more of it. That's why she was trying to make herself numb. To lose herself in something so she didn't have to think. And the perfect way to do that seemed to be right in front of her. Harrison. Again she realised that she'd be using him, turning into her safety net as always, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. Why she couldn't go to bed and not think about it she didn't know. All she knew was she was zeroing in on Harrison, and he hadn't the faintest idea why.  
  
"I'm here now."  
  
Shrugging lightly, Sam didn't give her fiancé any kind of explanation. It wasn't as if he was going to think about it. If anything did wander across his mind about it, inevitably he'd just put it aside because she was after all a journalist with a demanding time schedule. She was a perfectionist when it came to her work, and she worked any hours she needed to get things done. He'd known that for years, so he never questioned anything. It was the greatest scapegoat sometimes. When Sam hadn't managed to get home when she had been somewhere with Brooke, her work just covered for that. Just like it was doing now.  
Harrison just looked at the dark brunette, still trying to figure out what was twisting within her eyes. But from the walls he could visibly see, he seriously doubted he'd find out. So he didn't push it, nor did he want to. The conversation would only lead to questions and frustration and perhaps an argument. Complications he didn't really want to go into right now. Instead, he just watched her eyes glaze over with something else as she took the couple of steps to come up close to him. He gazed down at her, regarding her curiously.  
  
"What're you doing?"  
  
He wondered with every ounce of innocence he'd carried about with him in school. Innocence that he had tried so hard to shed, but sometimes it came sneaking back upon him. That naivety running through him as Sam approached him properly now. The nurse stood still as she slipped an arm around his neck, pulling him closer and closer to her. So close that Harrison doubted that even a trickle of water could pass between them. He could feel her pressing against him, so soft and tempting. He could feel her breath against his skin, her lips brushed by his ear.  
  
"Fucking my fiancé."  
  
Harrison knew exactly what Sam was doing. Even if she didn't realise that he did. There were certain times that his brunette fiancé would say and do things like this. And those were the times when she wanted something forgotten, or she was pushing something so far from her mind that she needed such an extreme distraction. The nurse wasn't as naïve as he'd have her think. However, that wasn't to say that he'd refuse her. Throughout the time that the pair of them had been dating, Harrison hadn't turned Sam away yet. At first he hadn't even realised what it was she was doing. He'd just been turned on because he thought it was the hottest thing ever. His scorching hot girlfriend taking complete control, who would want to say no to that? If she chose to vent her problems out with sex then who was he to argue? Harrison had become a willing participant. Really, he knew he should have slowed her down, gotten her to open up. But when someone like Sam did the things she could do to you, there wasn't much of an opportunity. And really, he didn't want her to stop. There should have been a pang of guilt running through him for that, but there wasn't. He should've felt bad for pandering to her rather than getting her to open up. Still, he didn't. Instead, he allowed her to play her games. Just like he was doing now.  
Harrison felt his arms moving, his hands running along smooth wet skin as he ran them down her back. From leaning just over her shoulder, he caught glimpse of the tattoo on the small of her back. Some tribal thing that he had no idea about. Or it could've been Egyptian, he really didn't know. All he knew was that Sam was into that stuff, she liked to read about it all and he really didn't understand it or wanted to for that matter. His simple line of thinking was that she looked hot with them.  
Pushing her to the wall of the shower Harrison leaned on the journalist heavily. She laughed lightly at his turn of control, and at how quickly she'd been able to work him up. She couldn't help but acknowledge how easy he was. How she could just subdue him into doing anything she wanted him to. Maybe that's why she'd used him as her safety net for so long? He didn't ask too many questions, and when she needed to do things like this he certainly didn't ask any questions. Sam knew Harrison better than he thought. She knew how to play him, and she knew how to make him think he knew things she didn't. In reality, Sam knew about everything. Again though, it could make it easier to hide in him. She loved him, she did. It wasn't a question of that. Sam had loved, and would love Harrison forever. She just wasn't ''in-love'' with him. Like she'd mused before, there had been one point in her life when she thought she had been. When things between them had been so good. She'd been swept away with it all, surprised that she could feel like that about him. In a way, Sam wished that she could feel that again. Wondered if she could, then would things be different? It was doubtful, but she could still wonder.  
Sam felt Harrison's hands move lower and lower, until they were just below her ass. In one strong swoop, the nurse managed to lift her up until she was exactly where he needed her to be. As if she knew his plan, he felt her legs wrap around him quickly before he slipped himself into her slowly. Her body lurched against him as he did, and he heard her groan softly by his ear as her hand tightened around his neck. Her other hand reached out for something to hold onto tightly as he began to rock into her, setting a heavy rhythm. She felt tight around him and he knew he was already seeing stars. This is why he couldn't possibly reject her. She was too good, and he knew he was far too weak with her.  
Ducking his head a little, Harrison began to lick, kiss and nip against his lover's neck and shoulder. The move gained another soft groan from her, telling him that he was doing something right. He felt her legs tighten around his ass, adding to the friction of rocking between them. Her head rolled back slightly, leaning against the wall and leaving her neck exposed to the nurse. He seized his opportunity, taking his ministrations to the front of her throat. Then, sliding a hand up her wet skin he cupped and squeezed one of her breasts tightly, again eliciting another groan from the brunette. He felt her tighten around him even more, making him groan too. Her movements made him feel like his head was spinning, they always did. It felt like his blood was rushing out of his head and he could see the stars. The feeling was outstanding, and it was something he could never get tired of.  
They both heard the clatter of bottles as Sam lost her grip for a moment, her hand hitting the shelf of shower stuffs. They bounced on the floor around them, landing in the bottom of the shower where the water was being drained out. They didn't pay much attention though. Both lost in the waves of impending orgasm. A sexually fuelled atmosphere charge around them, and both of them new this was just the start of a long night. Sam needed to work something out of her head, and Harrison was all too happy to oblige being her sex slave.  
Gaining her grip once again, Sam held on tightly. She could feel that familiar sensation welling up around her, telling her that she was coming up to letting go. She could tell Harrison was near too. So she went for a last ditch effort, wriggling against him as she tightened up even still. And she couldn't help but smile devilishly as the nurse groaned as he leaned against her heavily as he reached his peak. With long, thrusting shudders he cam into her, breathing heavily by her neck. At the movements, he brought Sam along with him, both taking the ride of orgasm together. Nothing else seemed to register to them as the sensations washed over them both. Taking them sternly and ripping through their bodies. So they just remained how they were for a moment, both panting against one another, tightly wrapped in one another's embrace. The couple were under the hot spray of the shower, but they hardly noticed.  
  
"I erm...I hope you weren't expecting to get any sleep tonight?"  
  
It was Sam that broke the silence, her voice low and quivering. Barely above a whisper actually, because she wasn't sure if it would hold at a normal level. Her dark chocolate eyes scanned the area of the shower before moving to look at Harrison. She could tell by his face that he'd expected as much. But from the glint deep within his eyes, Harrison wasn't going to put up a fight.  
  
Tuesday  
  
12:06am  
  
Brooke couldn't help but smile faintly as she felt her hair being played with gently. The sensation felt nice, felt comforting, and it began to pull her out of her dream state. Slowly but surely, the lawyer began to realise that she had indeed been sleeping. Now though, she was only alert enough to feel certain things. Her hair being played with for one thing. The fact that she was laid out in bed, warm and comfortable. The only other thing she could make out was the weight next to her. Pressing the bed space next to her down, indicating to her that someone sat there.  
At that, the twenty-six year old woman smiled. Her dreams had been good to her tonight. Taking her to the distant lands she'd always been fascinated by. Like a bird, soaring high above it all with the perfect view. Every detail was elaborate and wonderful. Sensations of peace and contentment flowed through her pleasurably. Everything told her that things would be okay. That she was happy, and free. The trees had whispered secrets in her ears, and she tried to remember a song that had been playing throughout. A distant, haunting voice with words full of power. She wanted to know what that glorious song was, but she could only hear echoes of it right now. What she did remember though, was landing upon the shores of one particular land. Bali. Her flight had taken her to a secluded shore, a beautiful patch of land. Again, her dreams had been full of vibrant detail. Including the dream Sam that had been there too. Inviting her to stay with her there, where they could live out happily. And that song had been playing too. What had it been?  
  
"Sam?"  
  
The lawyers sleepy, air light voice floated into the silent room happily. Still half trapped in her dreamland, Brooke wondered if Sam could actually be there. Wondered if the body sitting besides her was Sam, because it wasn't a dream she was having. Maybe they were really in Bali? And the rest of it was the dream? Living a lie, trying to choose, maybe that was all the dream? It could happen, people had vivid dreams all the time. Why not that?  
  
"Sam?"  
  
Brooke felt one of her eyes open now, as if she'd been shattered out of her dreamy state. And she had. But it couldn't be, could it? He wasn't due back until...well it would be tomorrow now it was after midnight. What the hell was he doing here? Did he know? Had he somehow worked everything out and come home to confront her? And if he hadn't, she'd just mumbled Sam's name out in bed. As if she'd expected it to be her. How was she supposed to explain that?  
Turning around mutely for the moment, as her throat burnt dry, Brooke's surprised green eyes landed upon her husband. The football player was indeed sitting on his side of the bed, already in shorts and a t-shirt ready to get in. How long had he been here? Had he been lurking in the house when Sam was here? Brooke hadn't even had the mind to even think of the notion. What if he had overheard? Would he wait this long to say something? Would he looked so calm as he did now? Although, there was confusion surrounding his face right now. Dark brown eyes were innocently trying to work out why his wife would expect her best friend to be there rather than him.  
  
"I...George...yeah. Erm...We had a girl's night, she must've gone. What're...what're you doing here?"  
  
Gaining some control over herself instead of gawking at him as if she was the guiltiest person alive, Brooke cleared her throat and made the excuse as casually as she could. It wasn't a totally unbelievable notion. She and Sam had had girly nights before. The real kind, not the excuse ones to be together. And in George's mind, it was a fair assumption to come to. He always felt guilty for going on trips leaving Brooke alone in the house. Thought she got lonely. So of course, her friends would stay over or visit. And her friends, his friends, included Sam.  
Smiling brightly, George just smoothed over some mussed up blonde strands. He couldn't help but laugh inwardly at her sleepy state. She was so adorable. Big green eyes looked up at him sleepily, and her face wasn't fully awake to make expressions yet, and it was framed by messy sleep hair. He didn't think Brooke could look any cuter. He loved watching her sleep, or just lying with her when she first woke up. She always seemed so innocent and sweet in that state. Not that he didn't think she was normally; just even more so like this. They'd had the most ludicrous conversations together after waking up. Quiet, warm and comfortable. He loved those, even though the topics were silly. He guessed that's why he liked them. They laughed about silly little things that they wouldn't even really think of talking about otherwise. Like the habits of Mr. Watson's smelly old cat, and daft things of the like.  
George took in a deep breath as he looked around his bedroom, then back down at his picturesque wife. He was so glad to be home. It was true what they said he thought, that there was no place like home. He'd pushed on with his meetings, trying to get through them as fast as humanly possible. All in the urge to get home to Brooke. He hated business trips, or games played away. He liked it here, where everything was familiar and safe to him. Where he could be with the girl he'd married, and with his friends and family too. He was proud to admit he was a family man. The other guys on the team teased him a little over it, saying that he was young, rich and sought after and shouldn't be willing to settle down. But, George knew he didn't work like that. He never had. To him, he had his sights set and they were enough for him. It might have been boring to some, but he was happy. He had a gorgeous wife, something that the team couldn't deny and admitted they saw the attraction to be married when it was her wearing the ring! He had good friends, a good family. His parents were proud of him, and he enjoyed his career. And of course, he wanted a family. Those were the real things in life to him.  
  
"I sorta live here babe!"  
  
The football player quipped, grinning still as he got into bed quickly. It had been a long trip. Full of tedious meetings, offers and almost downright bribery. He'd met a hoard of people, a hoard of fans and done a hoard of interviews. So after that, all he wanted to do was cuddle up to Brooke and have a long, comfortable sleep. He'd never been able to adjust properly to strange beds, or strange beds without Brooke. He liked falling asleep wrapped up with her, and he liked waking up that way too. Sleep any other way seemed somewhat off.  
Brooke found herself smiling lightly, rolling her eyes at his answer. George had always had a quirky sense of humour, and he liked to tease her sometimes. Granted, it had been a rather stupid question. He did, after all, live here. Maybe she should have phrased it another way. Like 'how come you're home early' or something like that. Then she wouldn't have left herself open for teasing. And, he would've given her an explanation. She'd know why he was here and wouldn't need to worry about anything. Like if he'd suddenly found out about Sam. From his actions, and his mood, she could tell that he was still clueless. Still innocently thinking that he had the best wife in the world and they were both blissfully happy with their marriage and nothing was creeping in between them. It was awful; she wished he didn't think that. Wished that he weren't so hopelessly in love with her. But he was, he loved her more than anything. He'd always stood up for her, tried his best for her. Yet, she was involved with someone else.  
  
"Ya, funny! I meant you're not due home until tomorrow, what changed?"  
  
Brooke didn't resist as George made himself comfortable and then pulled her closer to him. Instead, she just draped herself around him, resting her head onto his shoulder snugly. She felt his arms wrap around her, a hand moving up to play with the ends of her hair again. George had a small fascination with her hair. Come to think about it, so did Sam. Both liked to play with it, run their fingers through it. Sam said that it was like playing with silk, and it gave her a peaceful feeling. George said he liked to play with it when he was thinking, or daydreaming because it grounded him.  
  
"I pushed through the meetings. They offered me a place in Chicago, but I said no."  
  
Now, Brooke wasn't stupid. She may not have known every detail of the sport but she knew that Chicago was a damn good opportunity. And she already knew the reason that George had turned them down. Her. Their life here. The life that they'd built together. He knew she'd be reluctant to leave that. Leave everybody in their life, so he'd simply said no. Again, it led her heart in two different directions. She was happy because he'd done that for her. She was delighted to have a husband that thought so much of her that he'd sacrifice his own career to stay with her. She wanted to squeal a huge thank you to him, to show him how much she appreciated that. Just wanted to show him in any way possible really. But she didn't. Because the other half of her heart was sinking. It made it harder. Put an extra layer of guilt onto the limitless amount she'd already stored up. He'd said no for her. A wife that was cheating on him, and trying to decide who she loved the most, him or her mistress. She was thinking of leaving him, and he'd turned down a golden opportunity. Brooke knew she was conflicted about who and what she really wanted, but she was getting to the point where she thought stopping both relationships would be better than nothing. Until she came up with some kind of answer, not just about them but of herself too, then maybe she should? Be on her own, take the time to really find herself?  
  
"George...are you sure about that?"  
  
The question just seemed to drop out of her mouth without a request to be spoken. The lawyer didn't know why she'd asked really. Was she so overwhelmed that she wanted to think about it twice, because she loved him? Or had she asked to put doubt in his mind? A doubt that would lead to him changing his mind so then he'd have to leave? That was a cruel thought. Surely, she couldn't be so callous? Making him leave so she could say she couldn't leave with him? But she'd asked, and there was no taking it back.  
Looking up after she didn't gain a response, Brooke took in her husbands sleeping face. He looked so content now that he was here. Like somewhere in there, he knew he was home and she was there with him. He didn't seem regretful about his choice, or he wouldn't have been able to fall asleep so quickly. He was completely unaware to anything going on around him, to what she was thinking. One way or another, Brooke knew she had to make her choice. And suddenly, she found herself so very awake. 


	3. Endlessly 3

7:12am  
  
Pounding. A slow but extremely sturdy pounding, throbbing incessantly throughout her head. That was the feeling that Sam began to wake up to. The pain began to thump intrusively through her slumber, yanking her away from her cosy dream and out into the reality of her life. She wasn't even awake yet but certain things came rushing back to her immediately. Like the fact that she and Brooke were over. Sure, it hadn't been said but it was obvious. The indecision, the pain and confusion, they were all sure signs. They were over, and they should never have begun.  
The pounding within Sam's head got a little harder with that thought, like it was responding to her, reminding her constantly that she'd behaved recklessly and now she had to do something about it. She'd make the decision for Brooke. Someone needed to do it, and considering that she'd decided to leave Harrison anyway, Sam thought it might as well be her. She'd carry the burden, whatever it took to make it easier for the blonde. She really didn't want to see her suffering like last night again, so if that meant she had to take on the brunt of this pain, she would. It wasn't heroic, she wasn't being a martyr and she wasn't trying to be strong. All she wanted to do was deliver her last memory to Brooke as being a good friend to her. That was how Sam wanted Brooke to remember her.  
Waking up a little more, Sam began to register a few more things about her surroundings. She was at home, that much was a given. Rolled up in familiar sheets, with a familiar arm and leg draped around her. Harrison. At that thought, Sam cringed as she remembered what had happened last night. She hadn't intended on letting that happen, not really. On the way home, she'd been firm with herself. Told herself over and over that she was going to tell Harrison exactly what had been going on, and exactly what she already knew. But, evidently she'd been weak. Again. The shower had just been the start of a very long night. The journalist didn't even need to guess the state of their bedroom. The sheets would be everywhere, one maybe still lying on the floor. Objects would be scattered about, some broken. The place was a wreck. No doubt, there would still be spillages from when they'd decided that raiding the fridge would be a great idea. All sorts of food and drink had been included in their little games, and right now Sam really didn't want to remember any of it. She really didn't want to acknowledge what she'd done, but her mind and body were throbbing with the reality of it.  
Dark, soulful chocolate eyes opened slowly, trying to let little bits of light in at a time. She really didn't feel like adding to her headache with exposing her eyes to that god awful stinging pain you got when the light hit. And it was taking a moment for her vision to sharpen up, wake up from her heavy sleep and realise what the blurry images were around her. Harrison for one thing. He was still sleeping soundly next to her, completely knocked out by last night's excursions. He looked rather content with himself, and she supposed there was no reason he shouldn't have been. Harrison really was getting a great deal, even if she wasn't supposed to think that.  
  
"Oh...god..."  
  
Wincing a little as the brunette felt her stomach churn pitifully, she began to move Harrison off of her gently. Sliding his arm away, she managed to unpin the top half of herself. Then, she began to pull her leg out from under his, but at the movement, he stirred. The nurse muttered in his sleep, quickly rolling over to the other side of the bed. She was free now, and she was thankful that she was because the churning in her stomach wasn't stopping.  
Without hesitation, Sam bolted towards the bathroom. Remembering to stop for a second and click the door shut and then locked, she continued. Cringing as she almost threw herself onto the cold tiles, she lurched over the toilet bowl in just enough time. A second later, she would've been sick over the floor. Now though, her head was firmly hung in the bowl and she didn't try to resist as her stomach brought everything up painfully.  
The journalist couldn't help but think how low she felt. Tossing her cookies up now just proved to her how out of control she was. Things needed to stop. If she hadn't already known that before, this was her severe wake up call. Someone who threw up out of disgust and guilt after sleeping with her fiancé was seriously in the wrong relationship, and seriously needed to get a grip. She'd never reacted like this before. Sleeping with Harrison had never seemed so wrong. Now though, her head was floating and everything in her was screaming at her. She had to stop this, before she ended up hurting everyone, and herself even more.  
  
8:41am  
  
''Sam?"  
  
Harrison's voice sounded groggy and a little gruff as he called out of her. He'd woken up alone, wrapped up in the covers on her side of the bed. Suddenly, the urge to wake up and find her had outweighed the need to stay in bed and get some more sleep. Something had been persisting at him, telling him that he should go and find her, so that's what he did.  
Stumbling through into the kitchen, where he could smell the aroma of strong coffee, he rubbed a hand through his hair and itched his head. On his quest to find the brunette, Harrison had shoved some boxers on and left it at that. The house had warmed already to the warm morning sunshine that they were being graced with this summer. His head was still full of sleep, doughy brown eyes swirling with that morning look. The tips of his lips rounded into a small smirk as he saw the woman he was looking for. Sitting on one of the stools at the breakfast table, leaning on the counter and flicking through the newspaper. He'd found her like that many mornings. She always started her day off by examining the news and drinking a coffee so strong that Harrison had to wonder how it affected her health. Never-the- less, he drank it too. He'd gotten used to Sam's taste in the bitter liquid. He watched her as she jolted slightly, as if she'd been taken by surprise at his appearance. He noticed how withdrawn she seemed, dark mournful eyes regarding him with disquiet and shame.  
  
"Hey, what's going on?"  
  
The nurse wondered lightly, hesitating for a moment as he looked at her. For a second, Sam just looked like she'd frozen. Like time had stopped and she'd stopped along with it. He wondered if she was actually breathing or not, and the look she was giving him seemed odd to him. Eventually of course, she moved. Shook herself back into reality. As she did, Harrison felt himself move too. His feet padded against the kitchen tile as he plodded along to the coffee pot. He frowned as he saw it was empty, so instead turned to the fridge to pull out some juice.  
  
"I...I think you'd better sit down. We need to talk. I erm...I did something wrong."  
  
Sam confessed lightly, though the tone of her voice was light the meaning behind it seemed heavy. Harrison, still a little dazed from sleep, chuckled as he pulled out a glass to pour his juice into. Nodding in agreement as he began to turn around, he let himself lean onto the worktop behind him.  
  
"Ya, not leaving me any coffee after you kept me up for so long, that's considered a crime Sam!"  
  
Sam sighed softly, letting her head droop a little as she ran a hand through her hair and held it there for a moment. Chocolate brown eyes stared at the breakfast counter and her tongue rolled over her lip absent- mindedly. How did she go about getting him to be serious about this? How about just blurting it out? She seemed to be excelling in that department. Just letting things roll from her mouth in one fell swoop. Why not do it to Harrison too, then her cycle would really be fantastically complete. Though really, she knew it wasn't fair. And she wasn't prepared to take the fallout for it. Harrison had his own skeletons in his own closet, so Sam decided that the clear honesty would have to appear in this conversation. She needed to sit him down and treat him like a friend.  
  
"I'm serious Harrison. Please, sit down?"  
  
Looking up at him again, she gave him a pleading expression. She watched as he frowned a little, wondering what this was all about. Then, he looked towards the clock on the wall. Sam was well aware that Harrison was planning on meeting some of his friends at the golf course, but she thought this was more important. She wasn't about to put things off any further for a casual game of golf. Not after her reaction less than an hour ago. Not after accepting the truth of her situation.  
Nodding silently, Harrison moved to sit at the other side of the breakfast counter. Slipping up onto a stool, he placed his glass onto the top and then leaned his elbows as he began to lean forwards. He couldn't help but start to think what this was about. She said she'd done something wrong. Was it with work? Had she broken something? Had she had a fight with one of their friends? They were plausible, but not exactly the drama type situation to have a sit down talk about it. And as he thought that, the lanky brunette felt the pit of his stomach move warningly. It had to be something bigger.  
  
"I don't know where to start. You know I love you, I do but...Harrison I'm not in love with you. I don't think I ever was really. Please, don't say anything yet. I just need to get this out. You've been such a good friend to me. There was a time when I did think I was in love with you, and you did make me happy Harrison. That was real. It just...I guess it just wasn't enough. And I'm sorry for that. Things were okay back then, but things change. We've changed. We keep growing apart, and I think you know as well as I do that we were just made to be friends. I want that, I do. So I'm laying all my cards out here. I'm in love with someone else. Someone that I've been having an affair with."  
  
Sam's voice was unsteady at first, not sure at how to go about this. But as her words flowed, she became more confident. With every word spoken Sam felt like she was doing exactly the right thing. It was hard, finally letting go of the safety net. But she couldn't help but feel somewhat liberated by the act. After all this time she was coming clean about things, saying what she truly felt and it was like being able to breathe easier. Like she'd been smothered before now. The journalist couldn't help but think about what Brooke had said last night. That she felt like she'd fallen asleep in the bathtub and when she'd woken up the water was so high above her head. Like she'd become a stranger in her own life. Sam could relate to that. She'd felt the same for so long. Like something kept pulling her under the water, stopping her from reaching the surface. Well this was dissolving what was keeping her there, and she was coming up to the surface now.  
  
"Oh my god...I...I don't believe this. An affair? Who? Who've you been cheating on me with?"  
  
Harrison's tone had reached a harsh, disdainful level as he felt himself wake up now. He'd listened to her intently, listened to every word. As he had, Harrison felt his stomach move lower inside of him. She'd been having an affair. How hadn't he spotted it before? How had he ignored every signal? Who was this guy she'd been seeing? He found himself so angry. So frustrated towards her for not saying any of this before. Why couldn't she have just been honest with him earlier? Sam was always honest, and she demanded it from the people around her too. She hated it when people lied to her, so how could she turn around and do it to him?  
  
"That doesn't have anything to do with you Harrison."  
  
Sam didn't think she wanted to drop Brooke in it right now. If she told Harrison everything, then he might run off and tell George. She'd just have to see how he reacted to all of this. Challenge him with everything she knew when he challenged her. He wasn't the kind of guy to go around snitching on his friends, so maybe he'd protect her and Brooke's secret. Then again, why should he? She'd been cheating on him since day one of their relationship. Sam had to acknowledge that he had a right to be pissed off. Though half of her couldn't help but go on the defensive. Her having an affair wasn't exactly all the problem in this relationship. Far from it. They may have looked like the perfect couple on the outside, even to those close to them, but they weren't. Of course, neither one of them had wanted to own up to that. Both had meandered along in the relationship in fear that they would hurt the other if they didn't. Sam meant it when she said that she loved Harrison, she didn't want to see him hurt over this. Had felt an obligation to stay with him. Part of it had indeed been the need to have a safety net, but some of it had been obligation. It was Harrison after all.  
  
"Oh I think it is Sam. You can't just tell me that and get back on your mighty damn horse."  
  
Sam was snapped back out of her brief thinking spree as Harrison snapped at her irritably. Looking up at him, she frowned to find him scowling at her angrily. The look was just pushing her back up against the wall even more. She couldn't stand that he was looking at her so insinuating and wounded. All she was doing was calling it a day on a relationship that wasn't working. Sure, her mistake may have been cheating on him, but he didn't know anything about what she was feeling. He knew nothing of what had happened, nothing about her past with Brooke. He had no idea how Sam was drawn to her. At first it had been the arguments they'd had. Full of unrealised sexual tension. Looking back, Sam wondered how they'd missed it for so long. They'd been attracted to each other for so long, but they'd been too young to see it. Instead, they'd vented those feelings by bickering and arguing. The journalist couldn't remember which one of them had stopped it now. Not really. It seemed to her like it had just happened. Like they'd just decided one moment in time to stop and try to get along. Maybe that's when one or both of them had realised the attraction. That had to be true, because it had been her to blurt it out. Sam just scoffed at herself for that. Typical, she'd blurted stuff out then just like she still did. She guessed she hadn't really changed.  
Harrison didn't know any of that. He'd been oblivious to that summers events. She and Brooke exploring new things together, just having the times of their lives. Sam remembered all the goofy stuff they'd done. Gone out on picnics and walks, gone to the beach and sneaking into films. It had been one great summer. No social groups to spy on them in school, no one to spread rumours or cast judgment. It had just been Sam and Brooke, going about things in their own way. Sam had experienced a lot of things for the first time that summer. Learnt a lot about the other girl. Seen past that perfect, cheerleader bravado. Perhaps she'd fallen then? Maybe she'd been in love with the delightful Brooke McQueen all her life. She really couldn't remember when it had started. All she knew was, for that summer, she'd lived on cloud nine. And it had nearly killed her when that had come tumbling down. Evidently, living on cloud nine hadn't been preparation enough to survive school. Like Sam had told Nate, the difference of opinions on far too many things had shattered their relationship. Both insecure about what they felt, who they were. Their social circles demanding that they were wrong for each other. Sam guessed that she'd been as much of a sheep as she'd believed Brooke to be. She'd hid within her own group. Cowering about what she was feeling and living up to what her position of underdog leader dictated to her. Just like Brooke lived up to her expectations as the most popular girl in school.  
Sam wondered if she should explain all of this to Harrison. Wondered if he'd understand what she'd been through. Her whole life spent on an emotional roller coaster that had so many ups and downs it was barely believable. Because that's what she'd felt like. The crash had been bad enough to wake her up to the reality that she shouldn't care what anyone else thought or did. That nothing was more important than an actual life. Though evidently, it hadn't been enough to get them to be completely honest. Sure, they'd put their differences aside and started back up again. Brooke had relied on her through recovery and after, and Sam had been happy to oblige. But why hadn't they been scared enough to confront their real feelings? Speak the truth? Sam didn't think she'd ever figure that out. She just put it down to fear and denial being strong emotions that were hard to battle against. But would Harrison understand that?  
  
"Hey, I am not the only one with secrets here so don't start getting pissy with me. I'm not proud of myself for lying okay? But you don't know anything about what happened. You can colour me guilty or a complete bitch for what I've done, but don't you dare pretend you're any better. You're just as at fault as I am."  
  
Surprising herself a little as she yelled at Harrison, Sam stood up after feeling the sudden urge to move. Like sitting on that seat would be her complete undoing and she needed to get out of it immediately. Spinning around, she turned to face the other way from him. Screwing her eyes shut in an effort to calm down, the brunette ran her hands through her hair. Leaning forwards a little, she let her forehead rest upon one of the cupboards in front of her for a moment. Well, that had really shut him up. She hadn't meant to say it like that. She guessed she really did excel in blurting things out. Her intention had been to broach the subject calmly and responsibly, but it had seemingly gone to hell when she'd gotten mad at him. The secrets were her secret weapon. The falling apart of a relationship that was doomed from the very start could be placed mostly on her shoulders, she knew that, but she had her mind set that she wouldn't take absolutely all of it.  
  
"You think I'm at fault here?"  
  
Harrison demanded. The brunette grunted lightly, smirking for no apparent reason. This really wasn't a time to be amused. It may have been the squeak to Harrison's voice that did it. A cross between innocent and astonished. In his naïve little way, Harrison must've forgot that he was living with a journalist. A top journalist to be exact who was damn good at her job. Sam wasn't stupid. Just because she acted like the unsuspecting girlfriend didn't mean she was. And Harrison had never really been great at figuring her out. Not really. He thought he was, but mainly he figured out what she let him. It was part of her self-defence mechanisms, the ones that had been in place for as long as she could remember. Not as a little girl. No back then she'd been ultimately happy. Her Mother had been there, and her Dad had been there. Both making her as happy as any little girl could be. But when her Father had been snatched away from her life forever, Sam knew solid walls had sprung up inside of her. And they remained to this day.  
Now, she felt like she was in a game of tag and truth or dare. Each one could tag the other with blame, and each one had a truth to spill out. It was ludicrous. Again she began to wonder how she'd let things get this far? How things had gotten so screwed up. Which they really had.  
  
"Spare me Harrison, I'm not gunna buy into your bullshit little boy act."  
  
Her warning was serious as she turned around again, this time folding her arms across her chest. She watched him stand defiantly too, looking down at her with outraged yet tolerant eyes. How someone could mix the two she wasn't quite sure, but Harrison was doing it. That signalled to her that he understood what she was saying. Understood it but still felt the need to be angry. Still had to voice that he was angry.  
  
"Excuse me but you're the one admitting you've been having an affair..."  
  
Harrison scoffed at her, pointing towards her accusingly. He stood up because he'd felt the need to be higher than her. For some reason he needed to be able to look down and not up. The obvious solution to that was to stand, because he was a good few inches taller than her. The only other thing that he could work out right now was that the perfect picture he'd been trying to create was falling apart. Like the colours were running in the rain, smudging their canvas. It wasn't a nice thing to watch happen. Especially when you felt so out of control. And despite the fact Sam was right in saying that they were better off as friends, Harrison had felt like he'd been in control. Now she'd taken that away from him. She was taking his control and using it herself.  
Scoffing loudly as she bounced on the spot, Sam flailed her arms in the air. Effectively, she cut Harrison off mid sentence in whatever he was about to scorn her for. The journalist felt herself begin to flush now, feeling the extra heat start to pump through her body. It was an evident signal that she was getting pissed off, and that hadn't been her intention. Actually, she wasn't sure what her intention had been other than being honest. She hadn't planned anything after that because she simply had no way of telling how Harrison would react. She'd hoped that he'd take it somewhat better than this. She could grant that it wasn't exactly the most pleasant thing to hear but, it wasn't as if Harrison was the golden boy of the century either. He'd made his fair share of mistakes. He'd been going along in this relationship for the same reasons she had. So what really did he have to be mad at? Who gave him the right to take it out on her?  
  
"Key word admitting. Don't you dare blame me for our failure as a couple. How long is it since you've been cheating on me Harrison? I may have been doing it for longer but that doesn't make you any less guilty here."  
  
Harrison thought he just might have been sick right there. The last thing he'd been expecting was that. Sam really did have control here didn't she? He'd been so unaware of her infidelity, but she seemed to be in full knowledge of his. He had to wonder how long she'd known for. And then he wondered how he'd expected to get it past her in the first place. She was right though, he couldn't blame her for their failed relationship, it just wasn't fair. He realised that as she yelled at him with a slight crack to her voice. Not because he'd cheated, but because he'd been about to blame her for everything. She expected more, and honestly, so did he. Harrison had to acknowledge that she was perfectly just in saying that they were only meant to be friends. He really had loved her. So much it had kept him awake at night. He'd dream about her when he managed to sleep, and when they'd gotten together he used to lay awake at night and stare at her sleeping next to him. Back then he'd been so happy and content. So excited that Sam was his girlfriend. He'd thought she was the most striking woman he'd ever seen, especially when she was sleeping. But sometimes, however much you love someone it just can't work. Some people are never meant to be together, no matter how desperately they want to be. Maybe that was it for them? They confused the lines of their relationship and then played along as not to hurt the others feelings. Well it had led to this. A confrontation of secrets that they'd buried themselves in because of it.  
Taking a breath in before slowly letting it out, Harrison's features paled slightly as he lifted up a hand to run through his hair then over his face. Suddenly, he felt a little weak and vulnerable. Standing here, previously head locked with his long time friend in a pair of boxers. It didn't do wonders for him. So, in an effort to calm down and give Sam the conversation she deserved, the nurse held up his hands in surrender. His effort to diffuse the charged situation worked to some extent, because he heard Sam take a breath as well. She took his role and stepped back towards her stool, slipping onto it silently before her chocolate eyes looked upon him again. She could see that he was sorry, and she could see he had a story behind his eyes too. They both did.  
  
"When...when did you find out?"  
  
The man opposite the journalist asked, barely above a whisper. Rolling her tongue across her lips, Sam thought back as she leaned forwards to prop her elbows onto the breakfast counter. When indeed had she learnt the truth about him? She supposed that it was just out of college, when he'd started at the hospital. He'd begun to act a little jumpy around her, and the actions had peaked her curiosity. Though, Sam had let it lie. That was until there had been a few calls placed to the house, she'd picked up and been hung up on. Then somebody had dropped a hint to her. The journalist hadn't been able to let it go after that. It hadn't taken her long to find out that Harrison had become somewhat involved with another nurse he worked with. She hadn't really believed it at first. That Harrison John, of all people was cheating. Considering how hard he'd gone after her, she'd hardly believed he'd ever do that. He'd been the one convinced that they belonged together. He'd been the one to constantly hit on her, trying to charm her into believing him. And, well maybe he'd said it so much that she'd believed him. So she had indeed ended up with him. But upon finding out what he was doing, she realised that things couldn't be perfect. At first she'd been outraged at him. How could he do this to her? After everything he'd done and said? Then her common sense had quickly kicked it, telling her she had no right to bitch. She'd been doing the same thing for longer, so she really couldn't get that mad. So the journalist had let it go, just carrying on like everything was normal. For some reason, she'd convinced herself that if she broke up with him he'd be hurt beyond belief. When, she supposed that really, she'd been doing it so she could hide easier. Until now.  
  
"A while after you started at the hospital. Together with being tipped off, not being stupid and the ever-lovely nurse Cara detesting my very being for no reason, I figured it out."  
  
Harrison nodded mutely, granting Sam that kind of intelligence. He'd had to introduce her to Cara a few times, and the nurse hadn't been particularly quiet in her disdain for the journalist. He'd hoped that Sam had been oblivious to it, but then again, Sam was hardly ever oblivious to anything. Even if she pretended that she was.  
  
"How did we get like this?"  
  
The nurse wondered quietly, and it had to be said regretfully. He hadn't planned on any of this. If someone would have told him this was how his relationship would end with Sam when he was in high school, he'd have laughed in their face. As far as he'd been concerned, Sam was the one for him. She was the goddess of the universe, and no one else would possibly come close to making him as happy as she did. Now, they were both being made happy by other people. Had been stuck in a seemingly endless rut of a relationship. No, this was seriously not what Harrison had planned. And, even though Sam had implied her affair had been going longer, he didn't think she had either. He didn't know her story yet, maybe he wouldn't. Looking at her, there seemed to be a heavy weight to her eyes. They weren't sparkling with their usual enthusiasm. They were turning thoughtfully, and they had a deepness that he wasn't sure he'd seen before. But what startled Harrison the most, was she seemed so sad.  
  
"I don't know. But I do know that I want to stay friends with you. You mean so much to me Harrison, and despite all this, you've been so good to me. Cara is so lucky to have you, I hope she knows that. But I'll understand if you don't want to."  
  
Leaning across the table, Harrison smiled as he took Sam's hand in his own. She took this as a sign that he did want to be friends, and smiled too. At least something in her day was looking brighter. She really wasn't sure what she'd do without Harrison. He'd managed to pull her through some sticky situations. Been there for those times she'd wanted to cry about things that were going on. So no, she really didn't want to lose Harrison through any of this.  
  
"I want us to be friends too Sam. So, you can tell me, who is this guy?"  
  
Harrison didn't want to know through pride. Who she wanted more than him. None of that. He simply wanted to know if he approved of this guy. Sam deserved the best. And he must've been nice if she'd fallen for him. But then, why the sad look in her eyes? Was it someone she couldn't have? Was it...no it couldn't be one of their friends. Sam wouldn't have an affair with George or Josh would she? She couldn't. She loved Brooke and Lily far too much for that. Respected them far too much for that. Still, she'd managed to have an affair in the first place. Maybe she was capable of it? No, no way. Harrison positively refused to believe it. Mostly...well he would after she told him.  
  
"It's...it isn't a guy Harrison."  
  
The nurse had been so far in thought that her meek reply didn't register for a moment or two. He just sat there, frowning at himself as he went through the line of suspects. As he wondered if Sam was seeing someone close to home. He seriously hoped that she wasn't. Effectively it could split them all up. Sides would be taken, strong feelings would come out. It would be a mess. He didn't think he could stand for his closest circles of friends to crack. He'd been with them for far too long and they all depended on one another. All trusted one another. It wouldn't be fair for Sam to turn around and break it now. Would it? Could he really expect her to keep her feelings under control? He hadn't been able to. They were only human after all. But it was one thing to cheat; it was another to cheat with a cheater. That's what he thought anyway. Actually, the more he thought about it the more confused he got. He was actually trying to decide what kind of cheating was right. Well none of it was right. Not really. Was he just trying to make himself feel better?  
Then the words hit him. 'Isn't a guy'. Harrison could have sworn they echoed around his head. Had he been in so much thought that he'd misheard her? Or had she actually said it? Was that the reason she'd been so defensive just a few moments ago about it? Had she been having an affair with a woman? He didn't understand. She'd never ever displayed any kind of sign that she liked girls. Not in high school, not in college, not ever. How could somebody just swing gate like that? Did that mean she was a lesbian? Or bi sexual? He just didn't understand.  
  
"Look, Harrison. I wish I had all the answers I can see running through your head right now, but I don't. I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean for any of this, for any of us to get hurt. But we did. I can't do anything about that now. I'm leaving, going to see my Mom for a while then maybe going back to Bali. I just...I need some time. I love someone I can never have and I need to think about that, sort my head out. I have two letters here. One to Nate, and one to Brooke. Do you think you could make sure they get them?"  
  
Deciding to cut her losses, Sam moved on her conversation. She'd noticed the time, and she'd seen how gob smacked Harrison looked. It may have been chickening out once again, but Sam thought the shorter this conversation was now the better. She had other people to say goodbye to, and she had Brooke to avoid. Hopefully, she wouldn't call until after she was well on her way to her Mom's. By then, she'd realise that Sam had made her decision. That she didn't have to say it in person. And her letter would tell her that was perfectly okay, that the journalist understood. She just wanted her to be happy with George and have the life she deserved with no complication. Sam knew she was that complication, so she'd remove herself from the situation.  
As for her job, she regretted having to give it up. She loved her job; the people she worked with and she loved Nate too. No doubt he'd be shocked and disappointed about this. Though, he must have known that there were only two endings to this screwed up fairy tale of theirs. Happiness or sadness. Well, she guessed it wasn't as cut and dry as that. Someone was going to be made sad in the wake of the others happiness anyway. It just happened to fall upon her. She trusted in him enough to know that he'd understand her reasons for leaving. Understand why she was slipping away under Brooke's radar. Because she had to do it. To stop the blonde's pain and confusion once and for all. He'd know, as well as she did, that Sam could never be around again. If she were, she'd jeopardise Brooke and George's marriage.  
  
"Y-yeah...I can...er...I can do that. Sam, please tell me what's going on here? Are you coming back? You're going to avoid someone, I can tell. Who is it?"  
  
Okay, so she'd under estimated Harrison's power of observation. The man was a little quicker than she'd hoped he'd be. Though, she knew if she sat here and tried to explain everything, she'd never get out of the house. What she had inside of her would take a long time to explain, if she could define things anyway. She wasn't so sure that she could. So, instead she smiled lightly as she began to stand up somberly.  
  
"There's a small package on its way. Inside is a letter for you too, the deeds for the house which I've signed over to you as well as what's in it, and a couple of other things. But I need you to swear to me Harrison, that you will not tell anyone what's in that letter. Promise me, on my life?"  
  
Not knowing what else to do or say, Harrison nodded numbly. Sam had never acted like this before. She'd never been so precise at leaving. How long had she been planning this? What had happened to spur it on? He guessed he'd find out in his letter, but he wished he didn't have to wait. He wanted to be there for her, but it was evident she was intent on leaving. He wasn't too surprised that she'd left the house to him, Sam wasn't particularly material. Also, something told him that she didn't want to take too many reminders with her to wherever she was going. Like to actually take something would make the whole thing worse. She'd have to remember so much more.  
Silently, he began to follow her out into the hall. He hadn't noticed as he'd been walking down it earlier that there was a suitcase next to the door. A suitcase and a backpack. She really was ready to go. And if that wasn't enough, the nurse heard a car pull up and honk at the end of the driveway. She'd even called a cab. All he could do right now was to watch her open the door, waving to the driver for a couple of minutes. Then, she turned back around towards him, licking her lip as she regarded him nervously. Dark, chocolate brown eyes glazed over with tears, and she didn't even try to stop them from rolling down her cheeks. At the realisation that she was going Harrison felt himself welling up too. Because deep inside, he knew that Sam wasn't planning on coming back. And if she did, it wouldn't be for a hell of a long time. His heart broke at that; he didn't want her to go.  
  
"I love you so much Sam, you don't have to do this."  
  
At his shattered look, Sam moved forwards and wrapped her arms around him tightly. He didn't understand now, but he would soon. Though she knew that Harrison was catching on the severity of this trip. Because it wasn't a trip at all. Sam was leaving everything behind, changing her entire life, for a reason that wasn't clear to him yet. But he still understood that she was going. She genuinely wished that he could be right. That she didn't have to go. But she was doing the right thing. Someone needed to draw the line, so she was doing it.  
  
"I love you too, I'll call you when I'm home."  
  
Not even responding to his other comment, Sam placed a hand on each side of his face and kissed him gently on the forehead. Then, she reached out her trembling hand to pick up her luggage. Glancing at him for a moment as she hesitated in the doorway, the brunette smiled with a bittersweet smirk then began to walk out down onto the drive. She willed herself not to look behind her, knowing that if she did she might not find the strength to get into the cab. She let the driver help her with her suitcase, then climbed into the back quickly. Ducking her head so she wasn't tempted to look back, the journalist muttered the address of her next stop and she was on her way. Leaving a man she'd relied on for years. Leaving a man that may have held all of her shield from everything she had feared.  
  
9:23am  
  
"Do you think something's wrong with them? Seriously wrong?"  
  
Lily clutched her coffee mug fondly, as if bracing herself for a blow. She hadn't wanted to ask, but the question just needed to come out. She'd spent the last twenty minutes listening to Carmen's story about how Sam had ended up on her doorstep yesterday afternoon. Drunk and smoking in the afternoon, which never spelt anything good. Lily had frowned as she'd listened to Carmen's details, listened to how Sam had said she felt lost. And like the police officer, she was confused about that. Had they overlooked something? Had they been bad friends and not seen something when they should have? Sam was one that you had to watch, in case her pride got in the way of owning up to something that was hurting her. Lily thought she was good at reading the brunette, but was now wondering if she'd slacked off to the point that she'd missed signals that something very big was wrong in her friend's life.  
  
"I don't know. But considering the state she was in at my house, I think there might be."  
  
Carmen responded glumly. She felt herself shudder lightly, remembering how much of a wreck Sam had been. It had to say that something was wrong, obviously. And those thoughts hadn't left all night. She must have driven her partner crazy, although he seemed to be into trying to figure it out too. He'd met Sam on more than a few occasions, and the pair of them had gotten along like a house on fire. So it wasn't as if she was a total stranger to him. So he'd let Carmen muse on it through their shift, both coming up with possible scenarios and problems that she could have hidden away.  
No one had an answer though. They wouldn't be able to know for sure until Sam explained herself. So far, Carmen hadn't heard anything from Brooke or Sam. She'd decided to give the pair some privacy, hoping that Brooke could pry something out of her. The lawyer was good at that stuff with Sam. She'd spent so much time with her that she'd learned a lot of her tricks. Not that the others hadn't, but Brooke just seemed to have that little bit more sway. Carmen had always thought it was because of what happened. When Sam had been there almost every second of the day for her recovery. They'd bonded in a way no one else had. No one was jealous of it, the complete opposite in fact. The group had been glad and relieved it had happened. After Brooke's accident, even Mary Cherry had thrown down her sword. The group had become aware how short life could be. If that wasn't proved with April Tuna's almost demise, it had been with Brooke's.  
  
"What're you two nattering about?"  
  
Both women turned slightly, being drawn by Josh's chirpy voice. He rounded the corner into the kitchen quickly and smiled warmly. He'd wondered if Carmen would still be here. She'd normally be gone by now. He was usually the one to let her in in the morning, but it had fallen upon Lily to do it these past couple of weeks when he'd been sick. He liked his morning chats with Carmen. When she'd come over for breakfast after a night shift. She'd alternate between the three houses, gladly accepting the rule they'd put into place. The rule that dictated that one of the houses was to serve her breakfast considering she'd been out patrolling the streets all night when they'd been sleeping. The fair-going officer didn't object to that, and why would she? It was a great way to unwind, she got to catch up with her friends and she made no mess at her own house. Perfect!  
  
"Sam, we think there's something wrong with her and Harrison."  
  
Lily answered him honestly. Moving to pour him some coffee, she didn't notice the startled look he got upon hearing that. Okay, not startled but sort of shifty, like he knew something. His wife may not have seen it, but Carmen had. Josh was a very bad liar. He didn't have what it took so Carmen knew that with enough probing she could get something out of him. Anything. If something was going on with their friends, they needed to know and pronto.  
  
"Josh, do you know anything?"  
  
Carmen asked immediately, going in for the kill. Lily turned around, a frown of wonder across her face at Carmen's question. Why on earth would Josh know? Unless Harrison had been talking to him. Harrison wasn't as stubborn as Sam; he perhaps would have said something. And if it was about the relationship, which probably would come under the tern 'guy stuff', then he could've been talking to Josh and George. Of course, why hadn't they thought of that sooner?  
  
"No...no of course not. Why would you ask me that? I...I know nothing."  
  
Immediately beginning to feel like some kind of lab rat from the stares he was receiving, Josh began to feel uncomfortable. Suddenly, he wished he still had his fever so he could be in bed rather than be put under the scrutiny of the pair before him. He wanted to be honest, but he wanted to do the right thing for Brooke. Would telling Lily and Carmen go against some unspoken rule of 'don't tell anyone', or would it perhaps help things? It was hard to know for sure. They had no idea that the thing wrong with Sam and Harrison was Brooke. How would they react to that? It wasn't even his place to tell them, no that was up to Brooke or Sam. But keeping his mouth shut with these two on his case would be difficult. He'd just have to concentrate and watch out for their sneaky tactics.  
  
"Okay, honey you're a crappy liar. What do you know?"  
  
Lily demanded, seeing straight through his squeaky voiced lie. Laughing nervously, Josh just shook his head as he reached for his coffee cup. Then, looking around quickly, he lifted up his head and pointed towards the door. Children, he had children. Great excuse to get out of here. Someone needed to go look after the kids. And that someone was about to become him. He knew perfectly well that they were in seeing distance of Lily already, but better safe than sorry right?  
  
"I should...I hear Ellie and Anya bickering...then you know Jared is just going to get involved."  
  
He knew he sounded lame, like he was trying to run for his life, but he was trying. Both Lily and Carmen looked through the arch towards the three kids playing happily together on their play mat in the front living room. Sceptically, they both raised their eyebrows. Eyebrows that were convinced he knew something. Lily went one step further by crossing her arms and frowning at her husband.  
  
"Joshua Ford get your ass back here right now and tell us what you know."  
  
She ordered firmly. It was time to get rough. She needed to know what was going on, and she needed to know now. Because knowing Sam and Harrison like she did, they were probably going through something ridiculously little, and they'd blown it out of proportion. So the sooner she knew, the sooner she and Carmen could bring the situation to some logical reasoning.  
Groaning with a little stomp, Josh almost looked like a child himself. Lily certainly knew where the kids got it from anyway. That little look and that particular stomp, that was all the workings of Josh. And she could tell it was something significant that he knew now, because he really looked like he was torn between saying something or not saying something. Which obligation was he to pick? Wife or friend?  
  
"Look, just let it be okay? What Brooke tells me isn't to be spread around, I'm sure one of them will tell you in their own time."  
  
Damnit, that wasn't even a trick. He'd said that all by himself and now he couldn't take that back. All he could do was stand in front of them, inwardly cursing himself as he bit his lip lightly and looked around wondering if the earth was going to open up anytime soon. How was it that he could be so profoundly stupid sometimes? Sure, he had a good job, a great wife, great kids and great friends. He'd lived up to be the man he'd struggled to be. But in some respects, he'd always be the jock Josh Ford. Always slipping and not getting something. He'd just landed his sister into hot water, not to mention Sam. They'd kill him.  
Carmen sat up, scowling obviously. Brooke? What did this have to do with Brooke? She knew she'd taken Sam home last night, but how did Josh know that? How did Brooke know anything before she'd seen Sam at her house? Had she known something before? Had Sam said something to her, then Brooke had told Josh? It didn't seem plausible. If Sam had confessed anything to Brooke, then she'd have also made her swear not to tell anyone. And the blonde simply wasn't the type to go off and tell someone else straight after. So what the hell was going on?  
  
"Tell us what? What's going on Josh, we have a right to know. Are Brooke and Sam in trouble? What is it they have to tell us? I know you know, so don't deny it."  
  
Lily continued, her voice dropping low in her quest to find out the truth. Things had become so much heavier in the air, the seriousness touching each of them. She still gazed at Josh pointedly; trying to figure out that torn look he had smeared across his face. The answer was on the tip of his tongue, but his loyalty to Brooke was obviously stopping it from coming out. She dreaded to think what the pair could have gotten themselves into. Sam was always getting someone trying to go after her, maybe something had happened. Maybe Brooke had done something wrong in representing her? Maybe they'd covered something up? Who knew?  
  
"Lily...I can't..."  
  
Josh shrugged, face changing to a pleading expression. He was pleading to be out of this situation. He couldn't say anything, so why try and get it out of him. If they wanted the truth, they'd just have to go to the horse's mouth. It wasn't fair to put him on the spot like this. They knew it had something to do with Brooke now, so they obviously knew they could say anything because he couldn't betray her. They all knew how close they were, and whatever got passed between them stayed between them. He held no secrets from Lily, but he had to draw the line somewhere on what he passed on to her.  
  
"But I can."  
  
All three of them looked towards the door to see Sam lingering in it. Not one of them had heard the light tap on the door when she'd arrived, so she'd cautiously let herself in hoping that they'd just been too busy with the kids to hear. Upon entering, Sam had looked around the hallway to find any trace of anyone. Silence had greeted her ears, and the hall had been empty. The journalist had ventured a little further, guessing that everyone was awake and up by now. Carmen's car was still parked in the driveway, signaling that she'd ended up here for breakfast. Sam wondered what was keeping her here so late though. Normally by now Carmen would have left for home, turning in to get some sleep after her shift. Although, sometimes she would stay up for longer and just have a nap at lunch when she wasn't working again the night after. Maybe she had the night off tonight, so she was hanging around with her friends for a little longer?  
As Sam had progressed towards the kitchen, hoping to find everyone in there, she'd begun to hear the distant echoes of voices. They were definitely in there. Not only that, she could hear the kids playing in the front living room. Playing together completely unaware to what the world held around them. Completely unaware that one of their 'aunts' was leaving. Lily and Josh had appointed them all aunts and uncles of their children, and they were all godparents to one of the kids. Sam remembered when Lily had asked her to be Anya's godparent with Harrison. She'd been delighted of course. Brooke and George had gotten Ellie, and Carmen had got Jared. They really were a little family. Sam had grown up with these people. Been through so much with them. Her life was so integrated into theirs that she knew she couldn't possibly separated them. She felt the growing ache welling inside of her, knowing that she was leaving her family. They had no idea. She wasn't doing this gradually, she was about to drop a bombshell on them and she didn't think it was fair. But she had no choice now. She'd done all of this herself, so she had no one else to blame. They would try to stop her, she knew that much. But at the end of the day, she expected them to help her and give her the freedom to decide for herself. They wouldn't like it, they might even react badly to it, but she had to go and part of her did expect her friends to back her up with that.  
The journalist knew that at least one person understood a tiny proportion on what was going on, and that was Josh. Brooke had mentioned that she'd confessed to Josh that they'd been seeing each other. Only in a brief, nutshell sort of way, but he still knew. Apparently, he'd been okay. Not angry or upset with either of them, she hoped. He may not have been angry with Brooke, she was his sister. But what about her? Would Josh blame her for leading Brooke astray? Or would he be the man he'd become since high school and be willing to help her out? She hoped of that of course. At the moment she felt fragile enough without anyone going for her. She begrudged that George had that right, but hopefully he'd never find out about any of this. Brooke wouldn't tell him, it would kill their relationship. Harrison wouldn't tell him out of loyalty for her. Josh hadn't told him so far, and she doubted he would out of respect to Brooke. So that left Lily and Carmen, and she seriously hoped they wouldn't tell him either. There was no need after she left. She'd be gone, Harrison would be happy and Brooke would be happy. Why disturb those waters? It wouldn't bring her back, and it would only cause George and Brooke pain and grief.  
Her happiness didn't matter at this point. Sam had mused that she wasn't being a martyr, and she wasn't. It just seemed like the logical and responsible choice to her. One person would be unhappy rather than three. That was a good thing to her. But it was damn hard. She was leaving behind everything she knew. Her friends, her job, her life and Brooke. Everything inside of her was beginning to throb painfully, making her head a little dizzy. She pushed it aside though, determined that she could do this. She felt the tug of doubt in her stomach, the scream in her mind telling her not to go. But she was stubborn, and she felt like this was something she had to do. If not for herself then for Brooke. That thought didn't make anything easier. Neither were the stares she was receiving from her three surprised friends. Carmen and Lily looked beyond curious, and concerned. Josh looked a little more understanding. But they were all so expecting, looking at her as if she harboured some deep dark secret that she had to confess. She guessed she did, but she still wished they'd stop looking at her like that. Sam was already on the brink of tears; her chocolate fear filled eyes glazing up as she constantly shifted her footing nervously in the doorway. Her hands were trembling, as well as the rest of her, and she was biting her lip lightly to try and keep it under control. She was loosing her calm rapidly, and felt the tears slowly start to roll out. Looking away for a moment, Sam took a deep, quivering breath in and wiped at her tears. She told herself to keep it together, but things were getting on top of her and she couldn't help it.  
Looking back, she saw Josh moving towards her. She couldn't help but frown a little, trying to read into his expression. People misjudged Josh as little too often. She'd been guilty of it a few times, but she always gave him the benefit of the doubt nowadays. He could be a little more observant than people expect it. Probably because he acted up to his reputation for not being too intelligent. He could duck under people's radars and he used it to its full potential. That was a pretty smart thing to do, and it was something he was doing now. Sam gathered that from her state, and the fact she had a suitcase by her feet, that Josh was starting to realise what was going on. He was starting to see that somehow she had lost. The look on his face was one of sympathy and understanding, and when he came to stand in front of her she was glad that he knew. Letting him loop his arms around her, Sam fell into his embrace and buried herself into his shoulder. She could hear him whispering that things would be okay, could feel his hand stroking through her hair comfortingly. He was trying his best for her, and she appreciated it. It felt good to cry, it had been something she was desperately trying to keep hold of. Though, Sam knew she really wasn't strong enough to keep it in. So she was glad for a comforting support like Josh, and she knew she could use that support when she had to come clean to the other two.  
  
10:00am  
  
Brooke sighed aimlessly for what must have been the millionth time. The morning had been torturously slow for her, and it had come off of the end of an even slower night. Nothing she did could take her mind off of what was happening. All she could think about was Sam. Then when she thought about Sam, she thought about George. And thinking about the pair of them then set off a cascade of questions tumbling into her mind like a herd of wild animals. It wasn't fun. So that's how she'd ended up here. She sat alone in the conservatory at the back of the house. Sitting by the window, in a big comfy armchair and enveloped in the morning sun. Her legs were pulled up against her chest, arms wrapped around them and her chin supporting her head by resting on her knees. She would have enjoyed sitting there, enjoyed her time off if it weren't for her thoughts. She kept chasing fears and doubts and other questions around her brain like a dog chasing its tail with no sign of stopping. It was driving her crazy, and however selfish she felt by thinking it, she just wished it would stop. Why did everything always have to be so complicated? Hadn't she been given enough complications throughout her life? Life had been a little over harsh to her she thought. It had taken her Mother, given her an eating disorder, given her a mental head fuck that she'd barely managed to climb out of, the crash, her conflicting feelings for Sam and now it was worse than conflicting. What exactly was she supposed to do? How could she move the clouds and see behind them? It wasn't for lack of trying, she was sure of it. She'd been trying so hard, pushing herself to work it out.  
The lawyer sighed lightly again, blinking as she silently watched the birds fly out in the sky. How simple was there life? Just flying along, going to fetch food or materials for their nest. No big choices to make. No complications to put up with. It must have been nice. Or sedate. Brooke couldn't help but think how boring her life would be without her complications. Because despite what she'd been through, and despite her indecision right now, they'd all contributed to the personality she had now. And Brooke considered herself to be a pretty nice person, to have a pretty good personality. Her character had been born out of what she'd been through. It made her who she was. Made her resilient to the other lawyers she was arguing law with, made her brave enough to stand for her convictions. Well, all convictions other than this. It made her be the friend that took a call at 3am and then drive through the pouring rain a half hour later just to be with an upset friend. It made her the responsible godparent and a good daughter. It gave her the thousands of different quirks she carried. So, what really would she be without any of it? Even though it was hard to go through.  
In the background, Brooke could hear George pottering about the house. He was on a mission, looking for something or other. He'd asked her about a CD a few moments ago, but Brooke had hardly registered it. She had no idea where his CD was anyway. He'd put another one on though, one he'd found on the table next to the player. Brooke couldn't help but feel some kind of familiarity from it. There was something about the music, the voice of the singer, that she knew. It wasn't her CD though, she knew that much. And she didn't think it was George's either. One of their friends must have left it last week or something. Maybe she'd forgotten putting it on the table to remind her to ask about it. She just couldn't remember. Her mind had bigger things to worry about than a CD. But still, something tugged at her. Wanted her to listen properly. Wanted her to pay attention because it was important. At this stage, Brooke was willing to do anything to help her. So, shaking her head a little she forced herself to come back into reality. Her ears readjusted to letting the music in, rather than tuning it out. At the moment, it was in between songs. But it wasn't two seconds before an enchanting piece of music started. The floaty yet intoxicating lull of it pulled her in immediately, and her heart virtually threw itself into her throat. Her dream. This was the song from her dream, she was sure of it. The lull of it, the soft yet meaningful tune together with the haunting sound of the singers voice.  
  
There's a part in me you'll never know The only thing I'll never show  
  
Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly Hopelessly I'll give you everything But I won't give you up I won't let you down And I won't leave you falling If the moment ever comes  
  
It's plain to see it's trying to speak Cherished dreams forever asleep  
  
Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly Hopelessly I'll give you everything But I won't give you up I won't let you down And I won't leave you falling If the moment ever comes  
  
Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly Hopelessly I'll give you everything But I won't give you up I won't let you down And I won't leave you falling But the moment never comes  
  
"Oh my god..."  
  
Brooke couldn't help but almost shout out. Upon hearing the song, she felt herself shift. She'd been right thinking that the song was from her dream. The reason she knew it was because it was Sam's CD. Why hadn't she figured that out before? Sam loved music, and she loved this band. An English band, Muse. Brooke even knew the song was called Endlessly. Actually, she even knew the names of the members of the band. Why? Because Sam had talked about them so much that she'd taken it all on board. Also, Sam had played her that song many a time. She'd told her it was their song. How could Brooke have not seen it before?  
  
"What's up?"  
  
Looking up sharply after she'd lurched forwards in her chair, Brooke's eyes set upon George. For a moment, she couldn't fathom why he was there. During the song she'd completely forgotten her surroundings. She'd forgotten everything apart from Sam. All she could hear was the song, and all she could feel was love. She loved Sam. With everything she had. She loved her, and she always had. The clouds had been the fear. The anticipation that there was something wrong with that, but there wasn't. Why should she be scared? Why couldn't she have figured this out a lot sooner? The lawyer felt like a complete fool. Wading through half her life trying to hide from something so simple, so natural. She felt it everyday but she wouldn't let herself register it. But she did now. She loved everything about Sam. Her stubborn streak, the way she laughed, her walk, the way she felt against her, those eyes, that mouth, her values, the way she was obsessed with grapes and green apples! Everything. Sam had a million and one habits and Brooke knew everyone. She knew how she thought, knew how her brain worked. She knew her stance in politics, knew her tastes in music, and knew whom she did or didn't like. They were made for each other.  
What she must have been thinking right now? Last night had been awful. She'd made herself so open and Brooke had shut her down harshly. For the second time no less. Knowing Sam, she'd have taken that as a sign that her love wasn't reciprocated. She'd probably be sitting at home, thinking of a way to get out of it all without hurting anyone. Brooke wondered if she'd told Harrison. Wondered what he'd say. She had her own duty in that department to perform. She knew that it was time to tell George everything, and she couldn't lie to him. It was going to hurt him so much, but the blonde knew she couldn't stay with him. Not when the fog had lifted from her mind. She felt like she could breathe now. Like a huge weight had lifted off of her shoulders and she was above the water level now. Everything in her life that had been eluding her suddenly made sense. Sam didn't make her feel like a stranger anymore. Sam made her feel as thought she knew herself. And the trigger for that had been a song. A song she'd treasure for the rest of her life. As far as she was concerned that song had just saved her.  
  
"Huh? Oh...nothing. George, I think we need to talk."  
  
Gaining her senses again, Brooke ran a hand through her hair and screwed her eyes shut for a moment. Her heart was thumping inside her chest with excitement and her body felt just as enthused. Everything inside of her was singing. She just wanted to run out of the house, into her car and drive straight over to Sam's. All she wanted to do was see her right now, tell her that she felt the same way. But she couldn't. She needed to get some kind of control over herself. Her head felt like it was about to explode, but she willed herself to calm down. Made herself begin to take what she had to do now seriously. Made herself realise that her whole life was about to change. This was it. There was no going back now that things had become so clear. No going back after she sat George down and told him what was going on.  
  
"Are you pregnant?"  
  
George sat down and asked his question expectantly. With raised eyebrows and butterflies in his stomach, he waited eagerly for the reply. He hadn't really thought it over very well. Why Brooke would be sitting for most of the morning look like she was trying to solve the wrongs of the world if she was pregnant. Wouldn't she just have screamed it through the house when she'd been in the bathroom? Not wonder if it was a good or bad thing. But that was how unprepared George was for this. The only thing he thought his wife needed to talk to him about was something like that in his mind. Not an affair, and not that she was about to leave him. For a good friend of his.  
Brooke just tipped her head, her breath catching in her throat as she frowned. Pregnant? Why would he assume that she was pregnant? She knew he wanted kids, but they hadn't been making a special effort for them. Brooke had always put off the conversation, put off the actual trying. Her reasons being that she just wanted to wait a year longer, that she just wanted to do this at work first. George had always been really good about it. He thought she had a little anxiety about becoming a Mother. Something he related to her own Mother. It really wasn't too hard to see. He thought Brooke would make a wonderful Mom. She'd make sure her child knew how much she loved them everyday and never give them any reason to think she'd leave them. But they were also young enough to wait until Brooke felt she was ready for it. He wasn't about to pressure her into anything so huge.  
  
"No...no I'm not pregnant George."  
  
She responded slowly. She felt the guilt setting in now. Creeping into her because he looked so happy, so content. She was about to shatter that illusion. How did she go about doing that? Just straight out tell him or tell him bit by bit? Which would hurt the less? Was there such a thing as hurting him less?  
  
"I have to tell you something, and it's going to be hard for you to hear. Please remember though, that this isn't your fault. All you've ever done is love me and I appreciate that so much. But...George I'm not the girl you thought I was. I'm not the wife you think I am either. I've hidden things from you, from myself, for so long. But I can't do that any more. I should respect you enough to tell you the truth, so that's what I'm doing now. I...I've been having an affair. For a long while now, and I'm in love. I can't deny that anymore, no matter how hard I try. I can't live a lie anymore, and I can't make you live it along with me either."  
  
George thought for a moment. Sitting across from his wife, he was trying to decide whether she was serious or not. She looked serious, and she sounded serious, but something in George's mind just wasn't accepting it. Not for one second could she be saying this for real, right? Brooke wouldn't do that. She wouldn't sneak around and lie to him like that. However, that's what she was saying. So, didn't that add up to the fact she had been. That she was right, she wasn't the girl or the wife he'd thought she was. She couldn't be, because he'd have never thought her capable of this. Sometime in the past, maybe. So had she really changed? Or was it some act to keep everybody off guard? Could she be that manipulative? Did their life together mean so little to her? That she could just trot off and sleep around with no regard to the fact she belonged to another. To betray him. Because that's what she'd done. Betrayed him, betrayed their vows to each other and broken their marriage. How had she been able to do it? Both actually do it and lie about it? How had she been able to come back home at night and look him in the eye? Did she not feel guilty for the adultery she was committing? Did she not feel ashamed for it? There were so many questions that George knew he'd probably never get answered. He wasn't even sure he knew where to start. Brooke was cheating on him. And now that she was admitting it, saying she was in love with someone else, it could only point to one thing. She was leaving him. His worst nightmare was coming true. She was leaving him.  
  
"This is...I don't...what do you mean? I don't understand. What the hell is going on Brooke?"  
  
Like his mind was trying to sort out the questions and the feelings spurting out all over the place, so was his mouth. He didn't even realise he was talking until he'd finished. Hearing a stern, shocked voice that belonged to him. A hurt voice. He knew there was a heartbroken look looming over him too. The air in his chest had just been knocked out of him, and his heart was booming against him harshly. Tears began to glaze his dark eyes, as he flashed a burning gaze towards the woman he didn't know anymore. How could she do this to him? Why hadn't she talked to him? Why had she just given up? Did he mean anything to her at all? He seriously felt like he was about to die. Like Brooke had just taken the worlds sharpest knife, and started to carve out his insides. The more he began to realise what her confession meant, the more he felt his spirit start to break. He'd trusted her. He'd put all his faith, all his devotion into her and into them. Why hadn't she done the same? What was wrong with him? What had he done? Had he done something to deserve this? The football player felt like he wanted to scream. Do something so grand that it would take all of the rising pain away from him. Why couldn't this be a dream? Why couldn't she just loved him and be happy with him? It wasn't fair; he'd never done anything wrong. She'd already said that he'd always been there for her, so why had it been so easy for her to hurt him like this?  
  
"I have to leave George. I have to tell Sam before she thinks it's over..."  
  
Brooke bit the bullet and told him what she was doing. Though, the bullet that she'd planned for only included telling him that she was leaving. She hadn't meant to mention Sam's name. She hadn't even prepared him for the fact that she'd been seeing a girl. Another thing that would come as a blow to him. Especially considering that it was Sam. Someone he'd trusted for so long. The someone that seemed like the girl next door.  
Brooke hadn't been able to help it though. She was torn between where exactly she was supposed to be right now. Yes, she had to stop and spare the time to explain things to George. But her heart was telling her that time was running out for her and Sam. She didn't know why exactly, but the nagging feeling wasn't going away. Something was pulling her to make it to Sam as quickly as she could, or something bad was going to happen. Why did she feel like that? Like Sam wasn't going to be accessible the longer she waited? It was an odd feeling, and it scared her. Scared her to think that the intoxicating journalist wouldn't be hanging around for long. When Brooke was trying to hide away her real feelings throughout her life, Sam had somehow become one of the most important people in her life. The centre of her own little universe. The lawyer didn't even want to think what it would be like to loseher. The closest thing she'd be able to describe it as in words, would be her heart would die. So yes, she did want to be going to see Sam right now. It made her feel a little guilty, considering that George was in clear, severe pain that she'd caused him. And now she'd just given him an extra kick in the stomach.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
George seethed, almost through clenched teeth. This was Sam's fault? She'd done something to Brooke. Told her it was okay, or talked her into it or something. Sam was a journalist; she had a way with words. She could have subdued Brooke into all of this. Talked her into cheating. All those times when she'd pretended to be his friend. Laughing with him, joking with him. She'd sit and talk to him about football, come and see his games. Was that all part of the lie? Pretending to be into it for the sake of getting his wife into bed? One thing he knew for sure was that in the second that Brooke had said her name, his feelings for her had changed. She was no longer a good friend of his that he loved. He hated her. If he never saw Sam again it would be a day too soon. He'd never really hated anyone before, not even Nicole. Never to the extent of feeling it throughout his whole body, within every breath he took. It wasn't a nice feeling, but it wasn't under his control. How could he not feel it? She'd claimed so many things, acted and pretended and lied and sneaked around. All the while he'd trusted her like he'd trusted Brooke. He'd put his faith in her too. He'd actually given her his gratitude on how much of a good friend she'd been to Brooke. That's what he'd thought she was. A good friend, but he'd been wrong. She was a liar.  
Brooke looked hesitantly towards her husband. She'd never seen him look so angry before. Never seen that dangerous glint in his usually kind eyes. She had to grant him that she'd just smashed his world into tiny little pieces, but part of her couldn't help but feel a little scared. She was all alone, in a house with no one on either side of them near enough to hear, with a well-built football player. She felt guilty for thinking that too, but she couldn't help it. If George snapped, there'd be nothing she could do to stop him. The difference of size between them didn't even bare thinking about, and it was starting to worry her. And she was worried about Sam too, because he looked awfully hatful towards her too. Deep down, she didn't think that George was the type of man that would do anything to physically hurt either of them, especially her. But as she'd thought, she'd just shattered his world. Who knew what he was thinking now?  
  
"George, I'm sorry...I am. Sam and I, we didn't mean to hurt you. It just...we couldn't control what we were feeling."  
  
Indeed she was being honest; she and Sam had never meant to hurt him. Never meant to hurt anyone really. For a brief moment she wondered how Harrison had reacted. Wondered if it was anything like this. She wanted to know that Sam was okay. Had she even done it yet? She knew she would, it was just the way Sam was. She'd crossed a line she'd never be able to go back over now. Brooke had passed over that line too, that's why she was risking telling George the truth. However scared she was, she still felt she owed him some kind of explanation. And she wanted him to know that it hadn't been their intention to hurt him. Of course, she knew that she should have done things a hell of a lot differently. Knew there'd be a lot of regrets about her conduct, because the outcome had been George's pain. If she'd just stopped and sorted out her feelings in school, or even at the start of college, this outcome would never have been inevitable. George could be with some other girl right now, Harrison too. They could've been happy with women that were really in love with them, and she and Sam could've had the same outcome, as she wanted them to have now.  
Jumping slightly as George stood up quickly without warning, Brooke felt her heart leap into her throat. Deep green eyes watched him as he struggled with his emotions, obviously trying to keep something under control. All she could do was watch him as he shook his head and laughed bitterly, then flailed his hands out slightly.  
  
"Don't give me that crap Brooke! I don't want to hear it. I trusted you. I love you, doesn't that mean anything to you?"  
  
He began to yell furiously. He'd reached his boiling point, and it was safe to say that he was beyond upset. Brooke couldn't really blame him. She begrudged that she'd probably be just as furious if the roles were reversed. It wasn't his fault any of this had happened. Unfortunately, George had been unlucky enough to get trapped in all of this. She couldn't expect no fallout from him now that she was telling him the truth. He loved her with everything he was, she knew that, so she knew that it was going to be bad. She could hardly expect him to be happy for her and wish her luck.  
Clearing her throat as she stood up too, just to make them level, the lawyer ran a hand through her hair slowly. She'd been uncomfortable sitting down when he'd been standing up, it gave him the superiority. As much as she could understand his outrage, she was still a little ancy at his behaviour. She was still scared of what he could do. So just to empower herself a little more, to make her feel a little more confident so she could continue to talk to him, she evened the playing field. Now though, she needed to search for something to say. The truth was, she should have been telling him the whole story. About how she and Sam had started seeing each other back home and at Kennedy. She should have told him that their arguments, including the night of the crash, had mainly been their misunderstandings and confusion towards one another and their sexuality. She should have been telling him, that the only thing she'd been thinking about lying on that road is how she just wanted Sam to know she was sorry for being petty. That all she could think about even in such a state was her. That all the year after that, she'd needed Sam more than anyone else. Then she should have been telling him that she'd continued to see Sam in college, when she'd been seeing him too. Should have told him that fear and well-practiced denial had pushed her real feelings down inside of her and she'd just continued in that haze for all these years. She should have told him about all the times she'd made up an excuse to be with Sam instead of him. Or how the other girl simply made her heart beat and her lungs work. But she couldn't. She'd gutted him so much already, and if he weren't broken yet he would be by that. And she was scared to tell him. He was reacting so strongly to this, never mind that.  
  
"I never said it doesn't mean anything to me George, it does. But I can't love you back. I can't help that. I am truly sorry for that I swear."  
  
Deciding to respond exactly to what he'd said rather than backtrack the gruesome details he wouldn't be able to take, Brooke became very cautious. She wanted him to see that she appreciated how much he loved her. Because she really did. George had been amazing, and if she wasn't in love with Sam she didn't think there'd be anyone else she'd choose to spend her life with. But she was in love with Sam. And it wasn't her fault. It was her fault she'd let things progress this far, that she'd lied to him and lied to herself, but ultimately it wasn't her fault for what she felt. No one could control their feelings. Things just didn't work like that. You couldn't pick and choose whom you fell for, it wasn't possible. All she could do was accept that she loved the journalist, and be happy that she loved her in return. All she could do was be honest now, and be honest with Sam too.  
  
"I want you to leave. Now. No, actually. I'll leave."  
  
Spinning on his feet, George stalked through into the main part of the house. He knew Brooke was following him, not really knowing what to say. What else could she say? Her words were just firing bombs into his hearts with direct hits. They were causing the maximum damage too. Maybe it wasn't her fault, maybe it was. Either way, he was so mad at her. But he was so grief stricken by the loss of her. How was he going to cope? Brooke had always seemed to be the other half of him. She balanced him out, gave him reason and stability. What would he do without that? But at the same time, the other half didn't want that from her any more. He had no idea how to feel. Whether to tell her that he never wanted to see her again, or beg for her to stay. So he did the only thing he could do right now. He decided to leave.  
Grabbing his jacket from the back of one of the chairs, George continued to stride towards the door. Grabbing a set of key cars and making sure they were his, he didn't even turn around to look at her. To look at her right now would have killed him. He already felt sick, alone. The one person he would have turned to in this state would have been her, but now she was the one causing him such misery. But then, he found himself stopping on the threshold of the door, leaning out of it slightly, and turning his head just a little so she'd be able to hear him.  
  
"If...if you being with Sam is what it takes for you to love me back...I could...maybe we could..."  
  
Brooke tilted her head, her heart dipping at the sheer weakness she could hear in his voice. Completely different from the one he'd used a minute ago. Her own eyes welled up at that. He loved her so much that he was willing to try and cope with that. She'd hurt him so much it was his last resort. But like she'd told him, she couldn't pretend anymore. She couldn't let this go on. It wasn't fair to him, and he'd never be able to handle it.  
  
"George...I'm sorry."  
  
The lawyer whispered, wrapping her arms around herself as she felt the tears roll down her cheeks. Her ears picked up a sad sigh from him as he stepped forwards to walk out of the door until again he slowed down to a halt.  
  
"So you've said. Take what you want Brooke, I don't want any of it."  
  
After that, he was out of the door. His last words ringing in her ears like a shotgun had just been fired next to her. She had the feeling that that was going to be the last time she'd see George. All their years of friendship and it had ended like this. A regret she'd carry forever. But she kept acknowledging that she couldn't betray her own heart any more. And it was begging for Sam. She had to get a hold of herself quickly so that she could go to her. That nagging feeling was still pulling at her, nibbling away at her mind. She decided that acting fast was the best thing to do, but she needed to get showered and changed first. So, wiping at the tears falling from her eyes, Brooke turned around to face the now empty house. It was still alive with the presence of George. His coffee mug was still hot, the music was still playing and his smell was still lingering. She didn't want this house either. If he didn't want it, she guessed that she'd have to tell her lawyer to sell it. They could just split everything straight down the middle. For all she cared, he could take everything, he deserved as much. But she doubted he'd do that. She doubted he'd even come to the divorce proceedings. It wasn't required, and staring across a table at one another as their lawyers sorted everything wasn't something she wanted to do either. Maybe it wouldn't work that way. Maybe they'd just let their lawyers do the talking and sign the papers without having to see one another. But she couldn't think of that right now. She needed to get to Sam, and the faster the better. 


	4. Endlessly 4

10:43am  
  
''So you're running away?''  
  
Lily was exasperated, appauled and astonished that her friend would do such a thing. Things had taken a rather large twist this morning.  
After Sam had calmed herself down, she'd sat them down and started to explain everything. She started from the beginning, and went over all the important parts of the story. What was really important though, was what had happened yesterday. And what was going on now. Things were still trying to fall into place in Lily's head. It was difficult hearing that her best friend had been carrying on an affair with her other very close friend for somewhere along the lines of nine years. It was hardly surprising that she was beyond stunned and confused. It didn't mean that she didn't understand though. She knew Sam, and as she'd been telling her story, Lily had seen what she felt for Brooke. How could she be mad at that? Was it Sam's fault she'd fallen for her? No. She wasn't exactly pleased how the pair had gone about this, and she was pissed off neither one of them had said something before. If they had, this might not be happening. All they had needed to do was turn to them for help, but they hadn't. But the past was the past, and Lily could only deal with what was happening now. Sam looked more vulnerable than she thought she'd ever seen her.  
Sam was curled up in Josh's arms on the sofa, quietly telling them what had happened. Tears were still slipping out every now and again, and she sniffled a lot too. Her voice cracked, her eyes dull and defeated. Lily couldn't believe it. The proud, opinionated journalist she knew and loved was backing down. She'd thrown up her white flag and threw in the towel. How could she do that? It just wasn't the Sam she knew. The Sam she knew would stand up and fight for what she wanted. It was so simple in Lily's eyes, Brooke had to love Sam, or Sam wouldn't have let the relationship even continue for this long, or even start it in the first place. Somehow, it just didn't register to them that they had been having a relationship for all these years. That's all this was. They'd been away together, pulled each other through thick and thin, gone out together; it was something you didn't do unless you were invested. So in Lily's mind, she knew Brooke had to be invested. And she knew how devoted the lawyer was to Sam. Of course, before now she'd just assumed it was the closeness they shared because they'd bonded so much after the accident. Then they'd gone to college together and then started to work together. So yes, the schoolteacher had indeed thought that they were just best friends. Now though, thinking back she could see that it was clearly more than that. Suddenly, she began to remember the looks they'd given each other, the excuses to get away, the touches that lasted longer than they should have. How she hadn't worked it out before she didn't know, maybe it was just because she hadn't been looking for it. Still the fact remained that she was sure Brooke loved Sam. The problem was, Brooke didn't want to hurt George and that scared Brooke into denial. So why couldn't Sam see that?  
  
''I am not running away Lily. I'm just...retreating very rapidly.''  
  
Sam cringed at how lame that sounded. She felt obligated to defend herself, but she really didn't have a defence. She was running away; convincing herself it was for all the right reasons, to spare Brooke the pain of it all. But really, deep down, it was because she was scared and hurt. She'd become so insecure of Brooke's real feelings that she was frightened to fight for her. Sam knew it would kill her if she continued to fight for Brooke and Brooke still couldn't decide, or worse still picked George. When had Brooke McQueen become the centre of her life? Where had she been all this time?  
  
''You can't leave Sam. If you love her you have to fight for her.''  
  
Lily continued her argument. It was her duty as Sam's friend to try and get her to stay and do what she should. Maybe it was the activist in her that had propelled her to do it so blatantly, either way she didn't care. She just knew that she had to at least try and stop Sam from leaving. For them as well as her and Brooke. No one wanted Sam to leave. She was an integral part of this circle of friends; one might even say the lynchpin of it. Lily felt like she was her sister, and she was pretty sure that Carmen felt the same. Everyone loved her, and not one of them would want her to be gone. Things would be different without her, too different.  
  
''I did! I told her everything I felt, I gave her exactly what she needed but she's still with George. I get the message okay? I can't stay here and watch her be with him I can't.''  
  
The journalist yelled back, standing up and pacing to the other side of the room. She'd heard and felt her voice crack, because she knew she wasn't strong enough to do what Lily was asking. She wasn't strong enough to stay here and risk everything to end up seeing them still together. The journalist wished that she were strong enough. Wondered even, where her spine had crawled off to. The only thing she wanted was Brooke. But the blonde had made things so clear in her indecision. If she loved her back, she would have said so after hearing Sam's own declaration. So yes, she might have been running away but it wasn't like she didn't have a reason.  
Flinching as she felt a hand on her shoulder, Sam relaxed again as she turned to see it was Carmen. Looking at her pleadingly, she begged her silently to tell her what to do. Carmen saw how distraught she was yesterday; saw how far she'd been pushed. Surly she must have seen how close she was to breaking? That if she stayed here like Lily suggested it would snap her in half. The brunette knew she wouldn't be able to mend herself after that. Maybe if she left she'd have a chance and be able to gain some closure somehow by starting a new life somewhere else. She could see her Mom for a while; maybe find a newspaper there. Or maybe she could take up the idea about starting a small business in Bali. Why not just swallow the whole biscuit and vanish into a place that would give her everything she needed to try and get some peace and perspective? She would miss her friends desperately, of course she would. They were like her family, they'd been through so much and been friends for so long. However, there were visits and letters. It wouldn't be the same as being here but she didn't have to vanish from them completely. As long as she didn't have to see or hear how blissfully, happy Brooke and George were. As long as she didn't have to see them day in day out, or stand and watch them have kids. That was something she just could not do. Her resolve on that was so strong that she was willing to go anywhere in the world to get away from it. She was a resourceful girl. She'd miss being on the paper, but it didn't mean she couldn't write. Maybe she could travel for a while, writing about each place. Moreover, she had lots of stories in her head that she'd have the time to work out. Her writing wasn't just confirmed to journalism.  
  
''She hasn't actually said she doesn't love you Sam. You can't decide how it's going to be for her. You've barely given her time enough to think about it. You know what Brooke's like; she won't want to hurt George, that's probably what her indecision is all about. You can't take it upon yourself to choose for her, it isn't fair.''  
  
The police officer pointed out calmly. Considering she hadn't been to bed she felt pretty awake. Bed was the furthest thing from her mind right now. This was urgent. She was on Lily's side here. Sam was getting jumpy because Brooke hadn't immediately known what to do. That didn't mean she was going to pick George. The lawyer didn't deserve to have her choice taken away from her. Carmen knew she'd be gutted to find out that Sam had just up and left. The journalist could be so damn stubborn sometimes. That's where they came in. They had to try and get her to see that she was acting prematurely. It was her choice of course; if she still wanted to leave they had to respect that. But Carmen was sure going to put in her say to get her to stay.  
  
''Yes I can. Taking myself out of the situation will take the pressure off of her. I do know what she's like; she won't want to hurt me. She doesn't love me, and I need the distance to figure out how I can deal with that. Please, just let me go?''  
  
10:50am  
  
''Where is she?''  
  
Brooke demanded, looking up suddenly as she sped through reading the letter Harrison had handed to her. With every word she read from Sam's letter, the more she began to tremble. The looming weight that had been pressing on her, making her feel sick, was overwhelming now. Her mind was racing and she couldn't stop the tears from building up in her panic ridden eyes. She was terrified that she wasn't going to find her in time. What if she'd already left? What if she hadn't told anyone where she was going? Why did she have to be so damn stubborn? A part of Brooke couldn't help but be angry at the journalist. What the hell was she thinking? Why did she think she had the right to do this? She'd told her last night that she wasn't going to lose her, she'd promised. How could she turn around and do this now? Clearly she couldn't have been thinking. But this was a highly odd situation. Maybe Sam had just let her fear take over her? Maybe she just got confused over what Brooke's hesitation meant? There were far too maybes in this.  
Looking up at Harrison, her voice cracked slightly but still held firm. She wanted to know if he knew anything, and from the look that he was giving her she could tell that he did. He'd been surprisingly helpful so far. Brooke hadn't really realised that as she'd been driving here. She could have been facing a very hostile Harrison. The need to find Sam had been overpowering, cancelling out any real rational thought. She needed to find her and this had seemed a good place to start. Brooke had tried calling her cell but the journalist had switched it off. Brooke had wondered if there could be any chance she was still here, still in bed maybe after yesterdays drinking fest. However the blonde knew that was a long shot. Still, she'd headed up over here. She was glad now that she had otherwise she wouldn't have this letter. The one telling her that Sam was leaving. It didn't say where, or how, but it said she was leaving. Sam had explained that she couldn't tell her when she was going, because she couldn't face the possibility that Brooke would show up to ask her not to go. It didn't even seem to occur to her that the reason Brooke would ask her not to go was because she loved her. She just seemed to think Brooke would be trying to stop her as a friend. How stupid could she be?  
  
''I...I promised her I wouldn't say.''  
  
Harrison admitted weakly. He'd promised her on her own life that he wouldn't tell anyone what was inside his letter. It had been a very eye- opening letter. Telling him all the things she hadn't been able to explain to him. About her and Brooke, about how she couldn't stand to stay around when she chose George, about where she was headed. Other things too, things that he'd never repeat because they were private. He knew now the two reasons she'd made him promise he wouldn't tell anyone. The first, obviously being that she wasn't taking the risk of being stopped. The second, well that was making sure he wouldn't run off and tell George. If Brooke was to stay with him then she didn't want him knowing. Harrison remembered the look in her eyes, and the way she'd said on her life. She knew those words would come back to him if he started to feel his walls break under the pressure of someone like Brooke demanding the answer from him. But then, wasn't Brooke her life? Telling her would be breaking his promise, but not telling her may be even worse. What if Sam left and ended up not knowing that Brooke was looking for her? Would he be betraying her or actually saving her life? He guessed that depended on why Brooke wanted to stop her. If she were just alarmed as a friend, as someone else who didn't want Sam to go because she belonged here, then no he wouldn't tell her. If she wanted to stop her to tell her that she loved her, then Harrison would. Because he truly believed that leaving and not giving Brooke the chance to tell her she loved her would destroy her life anyway, so it wouldn't matter if he broke his promise.  
  
''Harrison please, you have to help me! She can't go, she can't leave me! She needs to know I love her! God, I was so stupid for not realising before, but I do now. She's everything to me Harrison, and I'll do anything to stop her so I can tell her that I choose her!''  
  
Brooke flailed her hands at him, waving her letter absent mindedly as she displayed what he wanted to hear. The sheer panic and conviction in her voice was enough to convince the blind and the deaf. It came pouring out of her as her distressed soul centred on him unwaveringly. Her usually radiant, glowing posture was overcome with fret and the look of devastation upon her face was heartbreaking. How could he not tell her? How could he not help her? Brooke may have been confused before, but she certainly wasn't now. Perhaps she had just needed to come to terms with herself and her current situation slowly. Sam had gotten there quicker, but it didn't say that Brooke had to be right behind her. So the journalist was acting without the full knowledge of what was happening. Harrison knew he couldn't let her leave without giving Brooke the chance to stop her. It wouldn't be fair on either of them. This was a rather odd, messed up and complicated situation. He should have been mad at Brooke, hell he should have been mad at Sam and himself too. He wasn't though. He was compassionate towards them, and relieved that he and Sam had finally admitted that they were better suited as friends. Regret would always run through him somewhere, because the boy that had been in love with her would always remain in him. Sam would always be special to him like no other, but neither of them could make something work when it was never meant to. Maybe if he'd been brave enough to speak up earlier Sam would have been spurred on to telling Brooke much sooner. Who knew? What he did know, was that he couldn't stand back and watch her leave.  
  
''Her flight departs at 11:30. From there she goes home, and then she's most likely going to Bali but she didn't say for sure. She never answered me when I asked her when she was coming back.''  
  
So just like that Harrison leaked the privileged information that he'd sworn to keep secret. Rushing his words along in an attempt to tell Brooke quickly, he took in a breath as he watched his friends face pale. If he didn't know any better, Harrison would have thought that the girl was a statue. Her body had become motionless, to the point he didn't even think she was breathing. A crushed expression fixed upon her face and her eyes squarely fixed upon nothing in particular. She was terrified, he could tell that much. The realisation being brought home that Sam was actually doing this. That she was actually walking away from it all. The nurse guessed that deep inside it had to have hurt. But he also knew that somewhere inside of her, Brooke would understand the reasons. Even if she didn't, he was sure that Sam would explain them to her when they caught up with her. And it would be when if he had anything to do with it.  
  
''Oh...oh my god...we...we need to go. Now. We could just make it.''  
  
Snapping back into reality, Brooke's voice croaked slightly from her daze before she cleared it. Glancing at the clock, she saw that they had nearly forty minutes to get to the airport. That wasn't a lot of time considering that the lunchtime traffic would be starting to build up and the airport was thirty minutes away. Then of course she'd have to run as fast as she could to the gate where Sam would be boarding. She willed herself to continue on though. Refused to give up until she found and stopped the woman she loved. They'd been in a state of confusion and denial, playing a game so to speak, for the last nine years. Brooke would be damned if she'd let that end by letting Sam skip the country. She knew the journalist had to be torn up inside, but she didn't know how Brooke felt. The lawyer just simply couldn't let that happen. Not when she'd just realised that the only thing she needed was Sam.  
  
11:15am  
  
''Does your Mom know you're flying in?''  
  
Carmen asked numbly as Sam stood up after the last call to board her plane. They'd been sitting there for nearly ten minutes now, barely saying a word. Truth be told, Carmen didn't really know what to say. Everything running through her head sounded lame and stupid, so she'd remained silent. Instead, she sat across from her friend and studied her. The way she kept looking around, the way her hand kept moving to run through her hair, she jiggled her legs side to side and found just about anything to distract herself. Carmen could tell that the journalist was fighting with herself, confliction raging inside of her that she was desperately trying to ignore. The police officer could tell that Sam was looking around for a reason. Silently praying that Brooke might suddenly show up. Sam hadn't though this through, how could she have? She hadn't given herself chance to. It was an unfair thing to do, but Carmen couldn't judge her friend for doing it. She had no idea how she would cope in the same situation. Things in her own love life were complicated enough, but now that she'd found out about this she'd come to a few realisations of her own. So maybe seeing a more complicated relationship had brought perspective to her, who knew? Maybe she had Sam to thank for that, but she'd still rather not be enlightened upon her own relationship if it meant Sam could stay. Friends were friends, they were your family. The family you got to choose. You were supposed to stand by them, help them out and stick together. Carmen reluctantly supposed that's why she was here. Respecting Sam's wishes and sticking by her. That's why Lily was here too. Neither of them wanted to be here, but short of kidnapping Sam and locking her away until she could talk to Brooke they couldn't really stop her. It was her choice, and she needed their help to carry it out.  
  
''No, I'll call her from the plane. I'm sure she'll be happy enough to see me, until she gets an explanation that is.''  
  
The journalist replied distractedly, again looking around the part of the airport she stood in. No sign, but what did she really expect? So she answered Carmen's mundane question, mumbling the last part as she thought about the talk she was going to have to have with her Mother. Sam wasn't stupid; she knew her Mom was going to ask why she was suddenly on her doorstep. The journalist tended to think that she gained a lot of her initiative and inquisitiveness from her Mother, so it was safe to assume that she'd be bombarded with questions. That, and she simply couldn't keep it from her. Sam felt lost, like she was walking up a path she'd avoided for years and she was doing it by herself. Maybe some time at home would do her good. Maybe her Mother could work some of that natural, parental magic that made everything seem that little bit better. Jane wasn't the kind to snub Sam for being who she was. Whatever her sexual orientation, Sam knew her Mother would support her. Of course, she'd get a little telling off for the way she'd conducted herself, but that much she knew she deserved. Apart from that, she expected to find some kind of answer there. Or at least hoped to. Though with her luck she'd be looking for a while. Because she had no idea how to go about getting herself over Brooke.  
  
''It'll be okay Sam; you know what your Mom's like. You promise you'll call us when you land?''  
  
Lily interjected, disturbing Sam's moment of reflection. A huge mound of unease had started to weave itself into her stomach. For the past ten minutes or so, she'd felt like she'd eaten lead, her stomach was that heavy. Now, it was starting to move throughout her, telling her that something was wrong. The feeling was starting to make her feel sick, and frustrated. Of course she knew something was wrong. She was about to leave the life she knew. The life that she'd built with her friends. She was leaving her home, her career, her family and she was leaving Brooke. All in all, it added up to there being something wrong.  
Forcing herself to stay in reality rather than her thoughts, the journalist smiled knowingly as she stepped forwards and wrapped her smaller friend in her arms. Lily had fought so hard to get her to stay, just like the little activist she'd grown up with. She was glad that Lily would never change in that way. And she was grateful to have her fight so hard against her, it only showed how much she cared, even if they'd been yelling at one another. It all meant something to Sam, and she knew she'd never forget it.  
  
''Tell Josh and the kids to behave, and that I love them. You keep marching to your own drum Lily, I better not come back to find a push over! Look after everyone for me too. Make sure Carmen tells what's-his-face that she likes him, cos she's being a big scardy cat! Make sure Harrison doesn't get into trouble, and check out this new chick okay? And Brooke is gunna have questions, just...just tell her I'll always be there for her and I'll always be keeping and eye on her. I love you Lily.''  
  
Lily held onto her friend tightly, listening to everything she said. Sam's voice had dropped low, an emotional, sad crack running through it obviously. The schoolteacher couldn't and didn't want to stop the tears from falling out of her eyes. Why should she try to hide the fact she was crying when she was losing her best friend? The term 'losing' was correct too, because however much Sam assured them she'd be back, she wasn't so sure she would be. Maybe she would, after she'd gained what she was seeking. But something told Lily that it either wasn't going to happen, or it would be a long while until it did. She knew her friend, and Sam wasn't going to get over Brooke. She may have only known about their affair for a couple of hours at best, but she could plainly see what was inside of Sam.  
  
''I love you too.''  
  
Was all she could croak out as Sam pulled back and kissed her affectionately on her forehead. Dark chocolate eyes sparkled with tears; almost masking the pain this was causing her. Almost, the shiny reflective surface of her eyes wasn't good enough to mask anything completely. Including the fact that Sam was trying so hard to keep herself from falling to pieces.  
Nodding lightly as she sniffled, Sam turned to Carmen. The police officer was already crying, and as she centred a despondent look at her, Sam nearly broke. Somehow though, as she wiped at a few of her own tears before walking the short distance towards Carmen, she managed to keep it together. It was harder than she had anticipated, but again what had she really expected? A cheery send off? For this to be easy when they all said 'see you soon'? No, because it wasn't true, that wasn't happening. Each one of them knew what they were saying goodbye to.  
  
''I'm depending on you to keep Lily strong. I want you to be the same. Take care of our friends, and make sure you take care of yourself. Don't take any silly chances out there okay? Don't be scared to fall in love Carmen, it's the best thing in this world. I couldn't have wished for better friends, thank you for being here for me. I love you so much, and I'm gunna miss you.''  
  
Again, Sam wrapped her friend up tightly, holding on for all she was worth. Her departing words were full of sincerity, possibly even wisdom. She really did think love was the best thing in the world, it offered so much. It didn't matter what kind of love it was, because someone always gained. Like her now. Because her friends loved her, they were here supporting her. So no, she really couldn't ask for better friends because she knew she had the best already. Like she'd always known. So her advice was serious. She didn't want Carmen taking stupid risks out there on the job, it was dangerous enough. And maybe her parting words about love would help her go on and tell the guy at her station that she liked him. They were just friends, but Sam knew they could be more. Carmen was scared, understandably because she'd been burnt before. But love was a risky business, and the journalist would advise it to anyone.  
  
''I love you too Sam, you better take care of yourself too. Don't get so lost you can't come back.''  
  
Sam pulled back, nodding seriously at Carmen's words. She understood what she was saying. Telling her not to lose herself out there, lose herself so badly she'd never be the same person she was. Well Sam already knew she couldn't be the same person she was, but she didn't have to change into a completely different one, nor did she intend to.  
Stepping to the seats to grab her bag, her eyes looked around again. She didn't know why she was doing it, but she couldn't stop herself either. Feeling a deflated sigh moving through her, she knew that this was it. Looking back at her two friends, who were now leaning against one another supportively, the journalist smiled again. Her classic enigmatic and charming smile, but with the underlying sadness there. Lifting up a hand, she waved and began to walk towards the desk in front of the doors to the passageway that would take her to the aircraft. The attendant there smiled at her kindly as the journalist slipped over the required documents. Tears were still brimming in her eyes before sliding down her face, and she wondered how many of these emotional displays the woman had seen through her job.  
  
''Are you sure about this Sam?''  
  
The brunette turned at Lily's question, knowing that her friend needed to ask at least one more time. The pair stood together looking over towards her desperately, pleadingly even, because they didn't want her to go. It wasn't making things any easier for her, but she valued it anyway. And she couldn't help but scoff at the question lightly. Not at Lily for asking, but because of her answer to it.  
  
''No, I'm not.''  
  
After that, Sam turned back to the attendant as she handed back her documents. Scratching up enough momentum to move, she began to walk forwards. With each step she felt herself become number and number, then sicker and sicker. If she hadn't known any better, she'd swear that her very soul was being torn into to along with her heart.  
  
11:30am  
  
Harrison had no idea how Brooke had managed to drive them here so fast without being pulled over or dying first. The blonde had refused to slow down, pulling crazy moves and generally driving like an absolute maniac. He'd tried to get her to slow down, pointing out that they couldn't stop Sam if they were dead or in jail, but it had no effect. Not that he'd been able to blame her. She was fighting for a damn good reason. He couldn't help but see it as rather romantic and noble, however scary it was. He was pleased for Sam that she'd found someone willing to push so hard to get to her. Someone that would follow her to the ends of the earth to simply tell her that she loved her. Even if it was Brooke. Not that there was anything wrong with that, he mused. Still, it was surprising. Something he could get used to very quickly though. He wasn't the kind of man to hold a grudge. So Brooke had been sneaking about with his ex fiancé for a very long time, could he blame her? Sam was easy to fall for.  
Now, he found himself running through the airport, possibly faster than he'd ever run before. Still, he was some distance behind Brooke. He guessed that all those morning jogs and previous cheerleading had done her a world of good because she was bombing it up ahead. People were jumping out of their way quickly, annoyed that the pair were bombarding through the otherwise peaceful and smooth running airport. He didn't care about that; he just cared about getting to the gate Sam's plane was at. It was a thin line they were battling against, because he knew that the plane was possibly taxiing down the runway by now. However quickly Brooke had driven, in her highly alarming state of frenzy and emotion, it hadn't been fast enough to make it here on time. In honest opinion, Harrison seriously doubted that anyone could have matched, or done any better than she had, even if she had been crying at the time.  
  
''Stop...you can't go up there. Ma'am, Sir stop!''  
  
Both Brooke and Harrison ignored the yells from one of the security guards that they had bolted past. It didn't even occur to them that they had torn past any kind of security checks without being cleared or showing tickets and passports and what not. Frankly, neither of them cared very much, especially Brooke. There was no way she was going to chance Sam's plane leaving because she was messing around trying to convince the security to let her through so she could stop her. Never in a million years would they have agreed to that. So there was only really one thing she could do. Run like the dickens.  
Harrison meanwhile, didn't have so much luck. As the two men began to run after the fleeing pair, he felt one of them grab a hold of him. He hadn't done too badly though, he could see the gate that Sam was leaving from, and the plane was still right there in front of the building. Maybe they were running late? It didn't matter, what mattered was that the plane was still there, which meant if they hadn't closed the doors then Brooke was still in with a chance. Given the speed she was running at, it seemed highly likely that she was going to outrun anyone who even tried to get in her way too.  
  
''Brooke...hurry!''  
  
Harrison shouted as he battled to get out of his captors grip. The man holding him back must have been at least twice his size, a huge man with a build that would be expected from a boxer. Harrison struggled, but he wasn't getting out of his grasp anytime soon. All that mattered was the other one didn't catch up with Brooke. The only problem was, the attendant to the gate had shut the door already, and there were two more security personal with her.  
Even though everything seemed to be going quickly, Harrison began to feel like he was in one of those moments in a film when things turned into slow motion. He could see Brooke running for the door, the guard chasing after her. The thing he became aware of next was the plane started to move. From the huge window that looked out onto the runway of the airport, his eyes bugged wide as the plane started to reverse out and away from the building. It was leaving, they were too late. There would be no way they would stop that plane simply to let Brooke see Sam now. As it stood at the moment security were probably going to haul them off someplace and demand to know what the hell was going on. By the time they could rationally tell them that they were only here to stop one woman from leaving she'd be high in the air. They were simply too late, even if Brooke hadn't registered it yet. Harrison began to switch his gaze from the retreating plane to Brooke, who was now almost in hysterics. She'd slowed as she'd gotten to the gate, trying to explain to them how important it was for them to stop the plane. The three security guards were looking at her as if she was mental, but the good thing was they weren't dragging her off somewhere.  
  
''You don't understand, I have to speak to someone on that plane. You can't let it leave!''  
  
All four staff members shook their heads simultaneously at Brooke's demand. One of the security officers still had a hand clamped onto her arm, just to make sure she didn't try and do anything else. The lady attendant had begun to explain why they couldn't stop the plane now, but Brooke didn't hear any of it. All she could hear were dull, echoing sounds as her mind pushed everything out until there was only silence. A deafening silence that made her feel empty and alone. Turning, the lawyer shrugged out of the officers grip and moved for the window mindlessly. She wasn't even aware that he was telling her to stop, still unsure about her intentions. Not hearing his order, she kept moving forwards until she came face to face with the glass. Through watery green eyes, Brooke focused on the plane. Without hesitation, the huge aircraft began to plough down the runway until it lifted up into the air. Up into the air taking Sam with it.  
She was gone. Sam was gone. It was the only thing Brooke could comprehend right now. That flying piece of metal had her girlfriend in it and it was taking her away. Brooke knew that by the time she could organise to follow Sam to Jane's, the journalist would be gone. To where? That was a damn good question. She really wouldn't be found unless she wanted to. Though, she had to tell someone. Harrison had taken pity and broken his promise, someone else would too. Just as soon as they realised that Brooke had to find her. But these thoughts hadn't even occurred to her yet. All she could feel, all she could think was that Sam was gone. That simple truth had engulfed her, dragging her into another world that she didn't want to be in. Immediately, her body felt like some kind of shell. Like its whole purpose of existing had abandoned it, and now it was alone. Her mind wasn't much different. All she could hear was silence, and all she could think was how alone she was. It was simply too much. She couldn't deal with this, she wasn't strong enough. She couldn't deal with anything around her, any of the life outside of her own shattered and empty mind. Sam was gone.  
  
12:30pm  
  
Carmen had been the first to get to the door. As she'd been staring out of the window, aimlessly wondering what was going to happen now, the police officer had seen Brooke's car begin to approach. Part of her had been expecting her arrival, had considered exactly what she'd say to her friend. She hadn't come up with anything yet though, she was hoping she'd have back up on it. Undoubtedly the girl would be looking for answers. By now, she had to have figured that Sam was nowhere to be found.  
But, as Carmen opened the door, she frowned deeply. She watched with confusion as Harrison almost threw himself out of the driver's side, running around to open the other door. Carefully, he helped Brooke get out. What was going on? Why was Harrison helping Brooke? Why was he driving her car? Why did Brooke look like she'd just been run over by the biggest truck known to man? Carmen was getting more and more confused with every question that ran through her head. Today had been one of the most confusing, shocking and emotional days she'd had for a very long time, and it was only just lunchtime. Walking Brooke up the path towards the front door carefully, Harrison noticed he was being watched. From the doorway, Carmen was peering at them with the clear signs of bewilderment smeared across her face. He wondered for a moment if she knew anything about this. Though reasoning told him that Sam would have at least gone to say goodbye. Surly she would have given them some kind of explanation?  
  
''Need to get her inside.''  
  
The nurse muttered, guiding Brooke past Carmen and into the house. Ever since the airport, Harrison's talent for nursing had kicked into autopilot. Brooke had been, plain and simply but, a complete wreck. He'd watched her, as she'd stood pressed by the glass, watching Sam's plane fly into the distance until she couldn't see it anymore. She hadn't uttered a word, just stood there trembling like a leaf in the wind. Her sad, green eyes fixated onto the plane until it had vanished. After that, nothing. The lawyer hadn't spoken, hadn't moved. It was like someone had snatched the life out of her, so Harrison had taken over. He'd explained briefly to the security staff what the commotion was about, and they'd reluctantly let them go with a warning never to let it happen again. They'd let the nurse take Brooke away, probably because not one of them could take the devastated look upon her face.  
The blonde had spoken not a word in the car. She'd simply hunched down into her seat, the side of her head pressed up against the glass of the window. She'd never stopped shaking, and she'd dropped paler than Harrison thought healthy. Still, he could sympathise with her condition. He didn't feel exactly like Brooke did, but he was upset too. To be honest with himself, he didn't think he'd want to know how Brooke felt. Didn't know if he could deal with feeling what she was feeling right now. Never the less, he'd tried to tell her it would be all right. He wasn't even sure if she'd heard him or not. There wasn't one sign that she had acknowledged his words, no response what so ever. That's why he'd decided to drive her to Josh's house. Harrison had seriously doubted that his house, which was full of things to do with Sam, was appropriate. Or her house, full of things to do with George either. So going to Josh and Lily's had seemed like the logical option. They could help him with her, no matter how much they knew about what was going on.  
  
''Oh my god...Brooke...what the hell happened?''  
  
Lily had been walking around the corner but hadn't expected to come face to face with a very despondent Brooke. At her sudden shocked outburst, Brooke looked up slightly to regard Lily. As soon as she did, the numbness that she'd been feeling since the airport shattered. Instantly, she felt tears rushing up into her eyes, and her resolve broke immediately. The gushing sensation of pain built up within her and she hated it. All she felt like she wanted to do right now was scream. Things had gone from bad to worse. Why had Sam left her like that? Surly she could have talked to her about it? Why had she given Sam reason to leave like that? It was both their faults and nobody's fault at the same time.  
Lily sprung into action quickly, moving in to wrap Brooke into her arms for a moment. The blonde held onto her tightly, burying her face in the smaller woman's shoulder. The schoolteacher's body shook as Brooke's did, and she could hear the muffled sob coming from her shoulder. Brooke knew, how did Brooke know? Sam had said that she'd left a note for her with Harrison, but in all honesty she hadn't expected it to happen this fast. And she hadn't expected that Brooke would have called or gone to see Harrison considering how risky it could have turned out to be. Still, she was here, and he was too. Looking a little overwhelmed actually. Running a hand over his face, he turned to Carmen slightly as she put an arm around him affectionately. A move that he looked grateful for. Lily wondered what was going on, but there was a certain inkling moving up inside her that told her she might be able to guess. Silently, Lily manoeuvred Brooke so that she could walk with her outside. The lawyer didn't object, just kept sniffling and crying over Lily as she was taken out into the garden. Brooke had a feeling that her sister-in-law was taking her to see Josh, which was something she knew she could do with right now.  
  
''Brooke, hey what's wrong?''  
  
Josh had been playing with the kids outside until he'd caught movement in the corner of his eye and turned around. Standing up properly as he saw his sister in such a state, the man moved towards her quickly. He watched her as she wiped at her tears aggressively, and tried to catch her breath long enough to talk. She looked awful, the only time he'd seen her anything near as bad as this had been the accident. He felt his protectiveness over her move into place, something that he could never help. Even when they'd been going out, or just been friends, he'd had this overwhelming urge to protect Brooke. Whether it was because she'd gotten him through some hard times in his life, or because of her previous eating disorders or the crash, he didn't know. He didn't really care to tell the truth. All he knew was that he wanted to make sure she was okay, and when she wasn't he hated it.  
  
''I lost her Josh. I took too long...and I...I...she left me. I tried to stop her, we went to the airport. It was too late the plane was leaving. She left and...she doesn't know I love her. I told George everything and all I want is her. She means everything to me, but I was so stupid about realising that. I need her so much; I don't think I can live without her. She's everything I need and because of my own stupidity I lost her.''  
  
Brooke cried as she blurted out her rant. As she said the words, the meaning of it all slammed into her again. Sam was actually gone. Flying away from her, getting away from her. Brooke didn't know whether she could stand that. Didn't know if she was actually strong enough to not have Sam in her life. Even when they'd been arguing in school before any of this, they'd still been in one another's life. The lawyer couldn't remember a time when Sam hadn't been there. Apart from now. And it was all her own fault. She'd hesitated; scared the other girl into thinking the only thing she could do was leave. Through simple reasoning, Brooke should have been able to work out that she loved Sam back. Why else would she have been with her for all these years? Why would she have continued with it if she hadn't felt something so huge for her? Brooke scolded herself inwardly, wishing that she could have had her little epiphany much earlier. What was the point of having one if it was too late, wasn't the point of epiphanies to get you to realise something just in the nick of time? Well, it had backfired in her case. She'd confronted her demons far too late, and the love of her life had slipped straight through her fingers. Now she was lost, she had no idea what to do. She didn't know how to conduct her life now. Didn't know how to go about finding Sam. She could go to Jane, sure. That was an option. Hopefully, the woman would take pity on her and tell her where the journalist had gone to hide. But right now, it all felt hopeless. Brooke couldn't help but wallow in the pain and the bitterness of her situation. Why shouldn't she have? She'd just lost the one person she needed most.  
  
''No, you haven't.''  
  
Or not. Feeling her heart stop, along with her lungs, Brooke fell silent and still. Was she so engulfed in her pain that she was actually hallucinating, or was that her voice behind her? It couldn't be, could it? No, she'd seen the plane leave. If Sam were in that airport, surly they would have seen one another? Brooke had watched the plane leave, that was that. She couldn't be here. Was everything so messed up in her head that she believed she was? That she wanted it so badly her little fragile mind was telling her she was? Why couldn't things be simpler? Why couldn't she just choose and know for once. All her life she'd been shoved into the front seat of a never-ending roller coaster. The blonde felt like she'd never really been able to breathe. It was always one thing after another after another. She'd lost Sam, so why couldn't her head just accept that now? After all, it had been her head that had caused it. Due to its own stubbornness and stupidity, right? That's what had sent Sam away.  
Part of Brooke didn't want to turn around out of fear that Sam wouldn't be there when she did. As much as she thought that it was only her cracking up into a crazy lunatic, some part of her couldn't help but indulge in the thought that Sam was standing behind her. That she was here, and her chance to tell her that she loved her was here too. What had happened at that airport? How, if Sam had decided not to go at the last minute, had they missed each other? Had Sam really ever gone to the airport? Was it all a ploy to make her realise what she felt? In that case, Harrison would have been in on the plot too. Or not. Brooke didn't know anything anymore. Her world was literally turning upside down. She'd never expected anything like this when she'd wondered what her future would hold back in high school. She'd never imagined getting run over, or getting involved with Sam, or marrying George, or this. She'd never imagined falling so hard for someone that you questioned your actual sanity when you thought they were standing behind you when they were meant to be gone. It wasn't a giant leap to accept that the journalist was indeed here. Anything could have happened. But still, Brooke was terrified that it was only in her mind.  
The other side however, wanted to know. Wanted to look and make sure that what she heard was real. Her body was begging for her to turn around, her eyes desperate to confirm what her ears had heard. Desperate to look at Sam, perhaps for the very first time without any guards up, no safety nets or indecision. This was it. She did realise that too. That this, if this were all real, would be the very first time she could look at Sam without any interference from anything else in her life. She'd just be a girl, standing in front of the woman she loved. No pretence. Everyone so obviously knew what was going on. So no, there wouldn't be any pretence. No 'we're just friends', no small talk about stupid things because they were so nervous of letting something slip, the truth was out. The truth was out and Brooke felt free. She felt good about that. So maybe things were simpler for her? Now that she'd come to terms with certain things she could feel good about it? All she'd needed to do, all these years, was just be herself. There hadn't been any need to try and be anyone else. No need to try living up to other people's expectations. If only she'd realised that sooner. But she hadn't, and she was here now. Perhaps that was how it was supposed to happen? Who knew? All that mattered was she knew who she was now. She knew how she felt, and she knew whom she loved, and none of it made her ashamed. So, she was free. Free to be herself and free to love. That person just so happened to be a girl, who cared? Not her.  
Sniffling before she turned around quickly, Brooke's heart began to thump against her chest as her eyes settled upon Sam. So, she was here. Either that, or Brooke really had gone crazy and she was seeing things. But the lawyer was leaning to that Sam was here. She wasn't crazy, because Sam was standing before her in all her beautiful glory. Plus, everyone else was looking at her too. So Brooke figured it couldn't just be her. The very fact that Sam was here gave Brooke pause. Not because she was unsure of how she felt, or unsure what she needed to do, but because she just wanted to take a moment to look at Sam. How she'd ever considered herself a 'mutt of society' or 'an ugly sister spawn' Brooke would never know. Sam was simply divine. That dark, elusive look would have Brooke trapped forever and she knew it. They belonged together; it was so obvious to her now. Everything about them complimented the other. Sam was dark, she was bold and passionate and witty. Brooke was light; she was bouncy and polite, firm when she had to be. Everything about them rounded the other off.  
  
''You're here.''  
  
Brooke couldn't help it. Before she could stop herself the obvious point slipped out of her mouth. Lifting up her arm, she pushed the tears away so that she could concentrate properly. She barely even noticed that Josh and the others started to go inside, giving them some privacy. Neither did Sam considering that she was looking between Brooke and the grass she was standing on. Her teeth were biting her bottom lip gingerly, dark chocolate eyes flicking too and fro guiltily. The journalist didn't seem to be able to stand still either. Shifting her weight from foot to foot, clamping her hands together in front of her. Her entire posture was one of uncertainty, fear and guilt. Who knew their roles would swap so severely? Brooke was now the one so sure and Sam was the one left wondering. Ironic really. Everything between them had turned full circle, and now Brooke knew it was her job to pull it all together. Sam had done her part, repeatedly. Now, she was so unsure that she'd nearly left. Though, that fact seemed to be the one praying on her mind, making her feel guilty. She'd nearly walked away from what she wanted. In fact, she'd boarded the damn plane. Her heart had nearly wedged itself into her throat until she couldn't take it anymore, and she'd decided that she just couldn't leave. That it would crush Brooke too much for her to live with. That she needed to make sure what was going on. Lily and Carmen had been right. It hadn't been fair for her to do it. Eventually she'd seen that, just in time. It wasn't easy to come back, but it was even harder to try and leave.  
  
''Yeah...I er...I couldn't leave. You...I couldn't leave you.''  
  
The journalist stated weakly. A simple response, but why elaborate? That was the pure truth. She hadn't been able to leave Brooke. Did she really need all the other details? Now really wasn't the time that she felt she could start to bare her soul. She'd done that already. She'd told Brooke exactly what she felt, exactly what she wanted. After that, she was still standing. She was still around because she couldn't possibly leave without giving the blonde a real chance to think about that. Sam had decided, sitting there in her plane seat next to some old guy that kept leering at her, that she'd be betraying everything if she left. She'd betray herself, Brooke and everything she felt for her. A young girl had been on that plane too. One that had stared at her before plucking up the courage to come up to her, a well used scrapbook type thing in her hands. Are you Sam McPherson? The girl had asked. Sam had lifted an eyebrow, wondering how this young girl could possibly know her name. Never the less, she'd nodded. The girl had simply smiled, looking so pleased that she was right. I want to be a journalist when I'm older. I read everything you write; you're my journalistic idol. I think you're one of the bravest writers around, pushing for the truth even if it puts you at risk. The words had echoed within Sam's head. This girl thought she was brave. In reality, she'd caught her running away. Running from a possible truth that was putting her at risk. And here was the girl, admiring her for standing her ground. If that hadn't been a wake up call, Sam didn't know what was. She'd gladly signed the scrapbook the girl had, that had been full of various newspaper cut outs from all over, and talked to her for a moment. Even offered the girl to come visit her at the paper sometime. She'd remember her name, which she did, and she'd be glad to see her. After all, unintentionally she'd given her a kick up the butt to get off the plane. It had been a surreal but valued experience.  
  
''When I thought you'd gone, a part of me, if not all, died Sam. I couldn't contemplate anything beyond that moment, because I didn't know how to continue without you here. I've never been too quick on the uptake, not with things like this. Part of being blonde I'm sure! But I realised this morning, something that I've known since I first set eyes on you in kindergarten. We're meant to be together. Things got so messy along the way, but this is now. I did pay attention then, because everything you said that you wanted, I want it too. All of it. I want you. I want an us. I want to do all the stupid couple stuff, and I want the chance to grow old with you. All I know is that I'm happiest when I'm with you. That when you look at me, or smile at me, or touch me, my heart skips and my breath catches. No one has ever made me feel like you make me feel, and no one knows me like you do. I know I could make you happy. I know I could take care of you. And I know that I'll love you for the rest of my life. I'm sorry that I ever made you doubt that. But I'm going to devote the rest of my life to making sure you never need to again. I love you Sam.''  
  
Sam couldn't help but stand there trembling lightly. Brooke had moved to stand right in front of her, locking her into an eye contact she couldn't break. Not that she wanted to break it. The words Brooke was saying were written in her intense green eyes, speaking exactly what she was saying. It may have sounded corny to anyone else, but Sam knew that Brooke's words were being delivered straight from her heart, her soul. That's why she felt like they were the only people on the planet right now. Brooke was concentrating soulfully on her, and that's the way it was going to be from now on. No one else was would be worthy enough to be on the blonde's radar, because she loved her. It made Sam feel like the most important girl in the world.  
The very fact that Brooke was using exactly what she'd told her, word for word, made Sam want to cry. Actually, she was already, but it made her want to actually cry, not let a few tears slip down her face. She considered it one of the most romantic things Brooke could have thought of, because it showed her that the blonde had taken it all in to the point of memorising it. The fact that every word she was saying never faltered or hesitated, didn't get thought about or questioned, was exceptional. Not only that, but each and every word was full with love, honesty and sincerity. Brooke wasn't faltering because she was telling the truth, she was feeling the truth. She didn't need to think about what needed to be said, what she wanted to say, because it was all right there inside of her. There were no doubts, no confusion or fear. Just overwhelming love and devotion. The kind you swooned at in the movies. The old fashioned kind you saw in the old films that you cried over cuddled up on the sofa with a big tub of ice cream. The kind of love that never ended, that people called true and referred to as finding 'the one'. And it was the best feeling in the universe.  
After standing there, taking that in whilst seeing stars, Sam came back to a very welcoming reality as Brooke brushed against her cheek gently. Blinking a couple of times, the journalist looked up to see the most beautifully sparkling eyes she'd ever looked into. That sparkle was there because of her. That sparkle was there because they were free. That sparkle was also there, because they were happy. Sam never wanted that sparkle to leave. Like Brooke had just told her she'd devote her life to making sure she never doubted her again, Sam vowed to herself she'd devote her life to permanently keeping that sparkle there.  
Brooke closed the small gap between them, so very thankful that Sam was here in front of her. Placing the lightest, softest kiss on her lips, she couldn't help but liken it to the very first one they had shared. So long ago, when they'd been so unsure of themselves and what to do. It had been so tender then, just like it was now. Full of promise, full of knowing and love. It was representative to everything they'd already been through, and what was ahead for them. Whatever the world had to throw at them, they could handle it, because they would be together. Things were how they were supposed to be. They were amongst their friends; their family, and they were together. It had taken them a while but still, here they were. Their story was starting a new chapter and both of them were excited about where it would lead. Though for now, they were just glad to be right where they were, sharing a soft kiss. Pulling apart, full of hope and excitement they were content as they wrapped each other in their arms, holding on tightly.  
  
''I love you too Brooke. Endlessly.''  
  
The End. 


End file.
